(Closed) Okay, I need help; we’re eloping

posted 9 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh wow. This is a tough one. You can’t just send out a note saying the wedding is cancelled, because that will send out the wrong idea. You can’t go out and get married right away because of your trip. I guess you’ll have to just contact each person you invited and say that you realized a big wedding just wasn’t for you, but you thank them for their well wishes (even though it doesn’t sound like they were giving many!). If they press you on it, I’d just stick with being vague: A lot of factors went into the decision…maybe you could blame it on being abroad for so long, and the difficulties of planning from afar.

Regardless, congrats on coming to a decision that’s right for you guys. It sounds like you’ll be much happier!

Post # 4
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm…I wonder if you could make your original wedding date the date of a smaller, more casual reception that people can choose to attend if they want. And that way people don’t have to snip about getting dressed up, etc. Then you could always elope at city hall a week earlier. Spread by word of mouth that this is just a reception or announce it when people get there and surprise them. It sounds like you are working with a tough crowd and people are going to be pissy no matter what you do so just do what makes you happy. Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Elope. Just do it. I know you sent out the Save-The-Date Cards, but maybe send out a memo and say like "actually, we’re not having a reception afterall…" Explain it not like its a financial burden, but that you two just want something small and personal. I’m sure with all their complaining they won’t be hurt, and now they don’t need to spend money on you guys since there is no more big wedding.

Do what feels right, big weddings aren’t for everyone.

Post # 6
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Since you’re eloping sooner rather than later, just send out wedding announcements afterwards, with a little note explaining that due to "extenuating circumstances" you were unable to have the wedding you had planned on, and that you got married at city hall. Don’t include any other information. Some people will scoff and think that it’s because you weren’t financially stable, but that’s their problem.

That said, it’s no one’s duty to offer you financial assistance. It’s my opinion that all couples should pay for their own wedding (though I also believe that a wedding should not cost $25K), and if someone offers to help, then BONUS! But you should by no means expect someone to chip in. 

Post # 7
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You could get pictures taken in your wedding attire and send out "surprise we decided to elope" cards to the same group you sent save the date cards to. 

The timing of the actual ceremony isn’t important to anyone other than those that will be attending the small ceremony.  You could contact them individually and let them know what you are doing.

 Just an idea.

Post # 8
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

From what you’ve said here, I think eloping is a great decision for you guys. Congratulations! I’m sure you feel like a weight has been lifted.

As for announcing it? Just elope, go on your amazing honeymoon, and send out a picture card to everyone after saying that you’re married, and eloped for personal reasons. Don’t be specific, of course, and keep it positively focused.

Post # 10
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Your wedding is about you and your fiance. If you want to elope, elope! But since you already basically invited some people — and your Future Mother-In-Law obviously has quite a few people she’d like to be included – I would sent out an invitation that invites everyone on your guest list to a casual reception. I’m a bit at a loss for the wording, but there are tons of online resources that will be helpful. Basically, make it clear that you will have eloped prior to the reception. Ms. Mary Jane might actually be a great help in this regard, as she’s having a small wedding at the courthouse prior to a big BBQ reception.

Keep the reception simple, casual and low-budget though. The reason you are doing this is to reduce the stress and pressure that is taking away from the joy of your wedding, so don’t have the fancy ballroom reception that you think will be a bust with your less than kind guests. Have a get together where they can feel like they had an opportunity to celebrate with you, and screw what they think!

Post # 11
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

You have received some wonderful suggestions here! I particularly like the idea of hosting a casual reception rather than a major event. There is something so inimate and romantic about eloping. I love the fact that it is centered around the two of you – especially in a situation like yours. But it is also nice to give others the chance to celebrate with you. Keep us posted on what you decide to do!

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sending hugs Cheerful.. its sad you didnt get any support but elope and enjoy starting your life with your husband is my advice!

we eloped last month and we sent everyone a "message in a bottle" (we eloped to the a tropical PNG island in the south pacific so had an island theme). the message simply said we had decided to elope with some of the details

we are planning a family catered event at home in a august so it will be much more relaxed (no dressing up) get together

im sorry youre not feeling the love but look to your Fiance as your future and the 2 of you plan your day for yourselves and enjoy

Post # 14
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry people are being Negative Nancies about your wedding.  It should be a happy day, and it’s not very fair that they’re making it anything but that. 

I do like the idea of taking a great photo at the ceremony and/or on your honeymoon and then sending out announcement cards.  Those who remembered that you sent out Save The Dates may inquire, and if they do, you can tell them then what decision you made. 

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