- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Getting married on July 6 2013 here.
I live in Hamilton, Canada now but used to live in Toronto, Canada, where it is custom to say “monetary gifts only, please” on a wedding invitation. It is expected at weddings in Toronto (at least at most of them) that you should be paying for your plate at a reception.
However, in Hamilton, it is slightly different, and people usually give a mixture of cash and tangible gifts.
However, in my family (background is from Montenegro, Europe) it is custom to give cash as a gift. Every single wedding I’ve been to you’d give cash as a gift, and bringing a tangible gift would be considered gauche.
However, I understand that my DF comes from a different background, and we never included “monetary gifts preferred” on our wedding invitation, because I agree that is tacky. However, we also didn’t sign up for a registry, because when I approached people in my family and asked for their advice on it, they suggested I not do it because it might offend people in our family (we’re going to have about 70 people from my family at the wedding, out of 141 people attending).
Okay so no registry and nothing tacky on the wedding invitation. However, we told people in immediate family that a cash gift was preferred to help pay for the cost of the wedding.
Anyway, my FMIL told her first cousin once removed, when asked what to get us as a gift, that we would prefer cash to help pay for the wedding. She nearly freaked out, and called me the next day at 6 am while I was still sleeping! I had never met this woman before, before she starts yelling at me, “it is tacky to ask for monetary gifts and not have a registry!” I told her, “according to MY culture it isn’t. We aren’t even expecting any gifts. If you’d like to give us a gift, we’d prefer cash to help pay for the wedding. If you do not like giving cash, feel free to get us something personalized. It is up to you.” She grunted after that and hung up the phone on me.
I’m not even sure she is coming to the wedding any longer.
I’m honestly not sure why it is tacky to ask through word-of-mouth that you’d prefer a cash gift, but I’m going to guess it is a regional thing? But I thought her response to it was extremely rude itself.
Am I wrong?