Post # 1
The title says it all….So far with the wedding planning, my Fiance and I have done pretty much all of it. My family is offering to pay for the supper and booze, and has put the deposit down on the hall. My mom also put the deposit down for my dress and the DJ. They are being awesome! I havent asked them for much in the past, and they told me they would be happy to help with the wedding.
Now my FMILs…..My Fiance is pretty mortified on how is mom is acting. She told us she would throw us a social (its a manitoba thing, kinda of a pre wedding party a few months in advance) and now shes not. When I went dress shopping the second time with her and my friends she told me months ago she would help pay for it, cause she wanted too. Well when it came time to make the deposit she asked how much ($600) she said no, so there I was in the salon trying to get ahold of my mom. But the sales woman was awesome about it. Shes now making a stink over the fact that the wedding is in september and shes going to have to take time off work and is getting mad at my Fiance for inviting his god mother (They apparently have a bad history). Also, my Fiance step dad, who has been like a real father to him, and her might be seperating, so being around them is not fun!
I honestly have never had a problem with her, until now. Shes always been awesome to me. But my Fiance is at the point were he doesnt want to invite her! Shes been picking fights with him alot, and Im getting caught in the middle! But its kind of bothering me that they are not offering to help with anything. And now my Fiance tells me he feels embarassed around my family because of it. I have no idea what to do!!!
Post # 3
Wow- sounds like both you and Future Mother-In-Law are stressed to the max over different issues. I would be totally frustrated I agree, but we can’t assume they are going to help even if they say they are. I took it as, if our families help financially great surprise if not oh well. I didn’t take anything for truth until I had the money or product in my hand. As for FMIL- I would maybe just kinda “ignore” /avoid Future Mother-In-Law and give her some time. Maybe she will cool down, get the point its not all about her and will go back to being the “normal” Future Mother-In-Law she was before. My Future Mother-In-Law has def. been trying to put her opinions in about our wedding and always tell her, “oh, I’ll def. think about that” and I do for about 10 seconds. If your Future Mother-In-Law continues to be a pain then maybe Fiance can seriously talk to her about how HER (bc it sounds like everyone else is pretty cool with everything-no drama) behavior/attitude is effecting your relationship and possibly give her an ultimatum if she continues. Hope everything works out for you, good luck!
Post # 4
I think my Fiance is to the point where its smarten up or your not coming. It feels so harsh, but shes pushed him to his wits end!
Post # 5
I can understand being upset that she left you hanging about the dress, but over all it sounds otherwise like you’re expecting a lot from the families. Technically, neither your family, nor his, is obligated in anyway to help you guys.
I do understand where you are coming from, planning a wedding is hard. My Fiance and I are receiving ZERO help from anyone in doing this. Traditionally, the bride’s family does a lot to help pay and set up a wedding, but my mother couldn’t really care less that I am being married. She isn’t doing a single thing for us. But, as much as i would LOVE some help, I don’t expect it of her, or anyone else. Even if it bugs me, I am not going to let it get to me or ruin my day. So I just do whatever needs to be done, or my Fiance does it. It doesn’t matter who is helping or not, we’re just happy to be marrying each other.
You’ve also mentioned that she seems to have a lot going on in her own life. Try to cut her a little slack. As far as being upset about the godmother, just hold your ground and be blunt- your Fiance wants his godmother there, and the Future Mother-In-Law needs to respect that, even if she doesn’t like her.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. None of this will matter by the time your day arrives. 😉
Post # 6
@CaptainKH: Im not expecting anything, we havent asked for a penny from anyone. My Fiance and I were planning on paying for everything, and my family jumped in and offered to pay for bits and pieces. My Future Mother-In-Law was talking about for months how she was going to do this and this and this for us, and when the time came, she said no. She was even going to pay for the invitations, and when we were ordering them she said no again. We’re always there for her, and offereing to help her with anything. Last weekend we went and picked up groceries for her and made supper, even cleaned her house up alittle, and we didnt even get a thank you.
Im just frusterated with the whole “all talk and no action” thing. To me, if you say your going to do something…then do it. Dont tell us how much your going to help out, then when the time comes, say no.
Post # 7
Then stop accepting her offers of help. If she brings up buying/paying for something just say ” Thank you so much for wanting to help us, but we have it covered”
Post # 8
I dont mean to sound snarky, but its just getting really frusterating. Theres more to it then I can type. But were are always helping her with everything, then she tells us how shes going to give us so much, then she always says no. We’re always helping her children and taking them for the weekends, (my fi’s half brothers and sisters). Driving them to appointments and more. She spends alot of money on “needs” like going to the bar and buying new clothes. We’ve tried to ask her to get help, but she wont. And alot of the time when we help her, she calls my Fiance the next day to complain that we didnt do anything. She was so excited for us when we got engaged and wants us to be together, but now is making things tough. It stresses my Fiance out alot and its really getting to him.
Sorry! I just need to vent
Post # 9
Sorry to say but it looks like your Future Mother-In-Law is “all talks”. If this is the case, just do everything without her. If she offers to help, just tell her, thank you for your offer and we know you have been going through a lot lately. We don’t want you to be stressed out with our wedding planning too. We can handle the rest of the planning. Your presence that day is good enough for us.
That way you can put less tensions between you two and her as far as wedding goes. If she still makes a fuss about inviting who and whatnot, then have your Fiance be firm with her. If she keep stirs things up, she will not be invited. If she cares enough, she will stop whatever she has been doing and suck it up.
Fiance and I wanted to avoid complicated situations especially comes to planning + money so we are paying the wedding ourselves. That way both parents can give input but no one will be in charge to create conflicts. So far it works out pretty well as we are paying for it, we get the final say on everything.