(Closed) Ok…Now I’m frusterated with my FMIL

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow- sounds like both you and Future Mother-In-Law are stressed to the max over different issues. I would be totally frustrated I agree, but we can’t assume they are going to help even if they say they are. I took it as, if our families help financially great surprise if not oh well. I didn’t take anything for truth until I had the money or product in my hand. As for FMIL- I would maybe just kinda “ignore” /avoid Future Mother-In-Law and give her some time. Maybe she will cool down, get the point its not all about her and will go back to being the “normal” Future Mother-In-Law she was before. My Future Mother-In-Law has def. been trying to put her opinions in about our wedding and always tell her, “oh, I’ll def. think about that” and I do for about 10 seconds. If your Future Mother-In-Law continues to be a pain then maybe Fiance can seriously talk to her about how HER (bc it sounds like everyone else is pretty cool with everything-no drama) behavior/attitude is effecting your relationship and possibly give her an ultimatum if she continues. Hope everything works out for you, good luck!

Post # 5
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can understand being upset that she left you hanging about the dress, but over all it sounds otherwise like you’re expecting a lot from the families. Technically, neither your family, nor his, is obligated in anyway to help you guys.

I do understand where you are coming from, planning a wedding is hard. My Fiance and I are receiving ZERO help from anyone in doing this. Traditionally, the bride’s family does a lot to help pay and set up a wedding, but my mother couldn’t really care less that I am being married. She isn’t doing a single thing for us. But, as much as i would LOVE some help, I don’t expect it of her, or anyone else. Even if it bugs me, I am not going to let it get to me or ruin my day. So I just do whatever needs to be done, or my Fiance does it. It doesn’t matter who is helping or not, we’re just happy to be marrying each other.

You’ve also mentioned that she seems to have a lot going on in her own life. Try to cut her a little slack. As far as being upset about the godmother, just hold your ground and be blunt- your Fiance wants his godmother there, and the Future Mother-In-Law needs to respect that, even if she doesn’t like her.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. None of this will matter by the time your day arrives. 😉

Post # 7
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Then stop accepting her offers of help. If she brings up buying/paying for something just say ” Thank you so much for wanting to help us, but we have it covered” 

Post # 9
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry to say but it looks like your Future Mother-In-Law is “all talks”.  If this is the case, just do everything without her.  If she offers to help, just tell her, thank you for your offer and we know you have been going through a lot lately.  We don’t want you to be stressed out with our wedding planning too.  We can handle the rest of the planning.  Your presence that day is good enough for us.

That way you can put less tensions between you two and her as far as wedding goes.  If she still makes a fuss about inviting who and whatnot, then have your Fiance be firm with her.  If she keep stirs things up, she will not be invited.  If she cares enough, she will stop whatever she has been doing and suck it up.

Fiance and I wanted to avoid complicated situations especially comes to planning + money so we are paying the wedding ourselves.  That way both parents can give input but no one will be in charge to create conflicts.  So far it works out pretty well as we are paying for it, we get the final say on everything. 

Good luck!


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