(Closed) Old best friend confusion, poll (long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What do I owe my old friend?

    She deserves to be a bridesmaid

    She deserved an explanation

    She deserves another attempt at close friendship

    You don't owe her anything else

  • Post # 2
    3308 posts
    Sugar bee

    Do you think I owed her more of an explanation when she was asking about my father? NO. Absolutely not. A good friend would understand WHY you’re not comfortable talking to her about it and why you’re not comfortable in telling her everything. She’s not your therapist!

    Do you think I need to try anymore to make up with her? NO. I’d leave it as it is. This friend sounds kind of toxic in my opinion, and who needs a friend who is so much work anyway!?

    Do you think I owe it to her to be a bridesmaid for the years of friendship and since I mentioned it? NO. You’re not as close as you once were, and that happens sometimes, which is fine. If it’s already awkward between you two, having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man probably isn’t going to make the awkwardness magically go away.

    I think you cut her off for a reason, and letting her back into your life and your bridal party is just going to cause a lot of drama.

    Post # 3
    4290 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    This sounds like s tough situation but in no way do I think u were out of line for not wanting to talk to your friend about your private life. You are not at liberty to explain anything to Her that u don’t want to. And the fact that she was angry that u didn’t want to disclose anything to her speaks volumes about how immature she is and how she really is not a true friend at all. If my friend didn’t want to tell me something I would respect her feelings and leave it at that. I would not be angry at her or make her feel guilty… I think sometimes people grow apart and move on and it sounds like this is what is happening with your friendship with her. It’s a part of life unfortunately. And if you are having a harder time having her in your life then I think you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself from her. I think ur friendship has run its course, you don’t owe her anything IMO.

    Post # 4
    9127 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @bonnie423  Asking someone to be a bridesmaids in an attempt to repair (or form) a relationship is generally a really bad idea. It puts added stress on the real issue (the rebuilding of the relationship). 

    But there is also the added problem here that you have already kind of asked her to be a bridesmaid. 

    Maybe just work hard on the relationship until you absolutely have to ask her.

    Post # 6
    3814 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    You don’t owe anybody a friendship, no matter how long you’ve known them or how close you used to be. If she is not someone who respects your need for privacy about sensitive topics and she tries to dictate who you spend time with and how much time you get to spend with them, she’s not a good friend. I wouldn’t have even reached out to her. You said yourself not having to deal with her was a relief and she seems like she would be a nightmare to have as part of a bridal party.

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  MiniMeow.
    Post # 8
    4222 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    View original reply
    @bonnie423  Wow this sounds a lot like my experience with my ex-best friend.  OP, this is really really difficult.  I cut this person out of my life about 6 months before my now Fiance proposed, and had always pictured her as my Maid/Matron of Honor, yet at the same time, was dreading it because I knew how it would go.  I don’t think you owe her anything.  That may sound cruel, but think of the kind of “friend” she’s been to you lately.  A friend wouldn’t pressure you to fulfill their curiousity about the hard times going on in your life, she would be there to support you and let you know you can open up only if you want to and only when you are ready.  Of course there are going to be times when you miss the good portions of the friendship- you wouldn’t have been friends with her if there were never any good times.  I think you should listen to the relief you had/have when you cut her out.  This tells you that the few good times weren’t enough to overcome the daily exhaustion and emotional abuse you dealt with.  It’s going to be hard; trust me, there are times when I find myself wanting to tell my former close friend about wedding planning and all of the exciting things going on in my life, but I stop myself.  Remember how she treated you, and focus on your future Fiance and all of the other healthy, supportive, awesome people in your life.  Life is too short to deal with constant emotional abuse.  Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or would like more details- I’d rather not share specifics about my former friendship on here. 

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