- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2016
I’m sorry if this is disorganized, I’m very confused about this situation at the moment.
I had a best friend through middle and high school (I’m in college now) who was more like a sister. We were together a lot, but fought often which was very out of character for me since I am very quiet and non-confrontational. I had a ton of fun with her, but we haven’t been close for a year or so. Last year I started going to counseling, realized that my father had been abusive to me for quite a while, and cut him out of my life completely for about 6 months. I was very afraid of him (I knew this before counseling, obviously) and my family didn’t believe me/thought I was overreacting so I ended up having limited contact with them also. It was a very difficult time, but I still believe that it was necessary.
My friend, whose parents had also been close with my parents for years, and lived at home for college, was very pushy and constantly tried to get me to tell her what was going on with my father. I told her what I was comfortable with talking about, which was more than I wanted to go into, but she always wanted more, and that was all she ever wanted to talk about. When I did tell her things she would just compare it with her mom giving her extra chores, which made me feel like my problems weren’t legitimate, which was something I was already having trouble with as anyone who has been through emotional abuse would understand. She was reminding me of how my father acted, and it was freaking me out. So I kind of started cutting her out too. I felt bad and still feel bad about doing this, because I know that she did want to help, but I honestly just couldn’t handle it at that point. It was very hard to talk about it so the only people I really talked to were my boyfriend and my counselor.
My friend was very angry about me not responding to her messages, which scared me so I stopped answering even more. I tried to explain to her that I would talk to her at some point but I wasn’t ready and it was very hard to talk about. She felt like she deserved to know everything and was angry that I wouldn’t talk to her.
Before all of this happened she was always very possessive, she was angry when I would do things with other friends without her. I didn’t bring them up, she would see things on Facebook and confront me about them, even though they were with completely different groups of friends that she wasn’t a part of (and didn’t enjoy being around anyway). I have a very close friend who she was always competing with since we had been best friends in middle school I guess. I don’t know why she hated my other friend so much, but she would always try to get me to promise she would be my maid of honor even though I wasn’t even dating at the time. It was very tiring to be friends with her, but we also had a lot of fun together. I have not missed her friendship since I ended it.
Last week I contacted her apologizing for cutting her off. I had never done this with a friend and I knew she was angry with me and I couldn’t stand it. I do wish that I could be close with her again for the fun times I guess, but like I said it has kind of been a relief to not have to deal with her. She has moved on I think but from my mom I know that she was hurt by what I did. Well I texted her and she didn’t answer for awhile so I got nervous and tried to end it with a joke, saying “I can’t imagine going through this without you but if you do still want to be friends you have to put up with [that other friend she hates] for bridesmaid stuff”. I was talking about how I am about to get engaged. I know this was stupid and I shouldn’t have said anything about bridesmaids. I always imagined she would be one but as you can see I don’t want that anymore. She answered that, saying she’s put up with that friend for a long time. We talked for a day or two but it was awkward and we haven’t talked since.
My questions are what you think about this situation. Do you think I owed her more of an explanation when she was asking about my father? Do you think I need to try anymore to make up with her? Do you think I owe it to her to be a bridesmaid for the years of friendship and since I mentioned it? I don’t know how she will react, because I’m nervous about her I think I will hold off officially picking for a couple months at least after the proposal, which will be in September as far as I know. I really don’t want to hurt her anymore but I don’t want to be close with her either. I guess I’m just looking for feedback on the whole situation. Anything would be helpful. I can handle it on my own, but I want to hear what people who don’t know either of us think I guess. Thank you for reading and for anything you can tell me, if you’ve been in a similar situation or you have an opinion.