(Closed) old friend who assumes she is maid of honor

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Send out cards to everyone! You can include a nice note to each specific person on the inside, I think it would be really sweet to receive something like that. It’s a nice idea to ask everyone to be in your party, and hers will explicitly say “Will you be my bridesmaid?” on the front. Lol.. And if she’s whining about not wanting to be a bridesmaid, why would she want to be the maid of honor?

Post # 5
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hmmm..first of all I think it is plain rude for someone to come right out and ask if they are going to be in your wedding, and say that they are expecting to be in the wedding and even worse if they say they are expecting to be the maid of honor/best man.  We expecienced this as well.  I do not know of a nice way to break it to her. Maybe just tell her that you decided to go with someone else.  Does she live further away?  You could tell her that you wanted your Maid/Matron of Honor to be somewhat close to you…

 

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry you are in an awkward position.  If it were me, Id just ask her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man (if you want her to be your BM).  She will get the hint that shes not the Maid/Matron of Honor.  Unless she was asking because she was going to tell you she didnt want to be if you asked her?

Post # 7
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i HATE this question!! Am i in the wedding? am i invited to the wedding? Dont you think that if you were in the wedding you would know? dont you think that if you are invited to the wedding, you’ll get an invite?

although i hate being on the asking side of that question… i do appreciate straight answers, but its completely crappy when they tell you yes and then magically wedding day appears and “oh no, you never got your invite?!”

Post # 8
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

This has nothing to do with the OP, but KBsquared that actually happened to my sister. They sent out the invites and for some reason my Great Aunt didn’t respond, but they just assumed that she’d forgotton or that she was maybe mad at them for an imagined slight and just decided not to talk to anyone (she’s done it before). Turns out her invite got lost and she finally called like 3 days before to ask if she was invited and we had to apologize and everything. She got the invite like a month later.

Post # 9
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um… are you me? haha. I have an old friend since we were like 3 who has always been more a “sister” than a friend. We don’t talk every day (or even every week or every month), but we keep in touch, see each other at holidays, go on vacations together, and I consider her family. She has been hinting around being my Maid/Matron of Honor but I already asked my great friend who i DO talk to every day and who is someone I can count on to be there for me on a daily basis for the next year. 

My old friend is actually coming to see me TODAY and I need to ask her to be a bm and I’m praying that she isn’t mad!! I did think about just sending a card or something but honestly it seemed like kind of a cop-out given the situation. I am just going to go ahead and ask her to be a bridesmaid and judge her reaction. If she is upset about not being Maid/Matron of Honor I’ll just have to explain that I went with the person who knows my Fiance and I as a couple best, and who has the time to really be involved in my daily planning. Crossing my fingers it goes ok, for me and for your too!

Post # 10
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

are you going to ask her to be in your bridal party at all?

depending on that, i think you should just be honest with her and explain to her that you asked another friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ooh, I don’t envy you this one. I have a high school friend who sounds just like your friend! She asked me if she was a bridesmaid and I just said “nope” and kept going with our previous topic of conversation. When she asked me to explain (ok, she said “WTH? Why not?!”) I explained that FH and I weren’t having a big bridal party – we’d only have 1 attendant each and we’d already chosen them but that I was looking forward to having her there as a guest. Sometimes just being honest and saying you’ve already chosen your bridal party is the only way to go. If she’s a good enough friend she’ll brush it off and be happy for you regardless.

Post # 13
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Nope, sounds fantastic!

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@Blondiebride, I think your approach is perfect. Just ask her prettily to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and pretend like she never asked if she was Maid/Matron of Honor.

That was very rude of her, by the way. She might just want the title if it mattered to her that much to ask. And if she’s bold enough to put you on the spot like that I might be a little worried about how she acts as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Especially since she complained so much about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her other friends wedding..

Now that I think about it, maybe you should hold off on asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Just to think it over a little?

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So….a bit creepy that your situation sounds JUST LIKE MINE!!! I have this friend i know from school. We just got back in contact about three years ago and we were pretty tight for a while. We’re not so close anymore because of some things she said about me but i still wanted her to be one of my bridesmaids.

It was a big turn off though when she came to my job to say hi while she was in the country. She enquired who my Maid/Matron of Honor was and was MOST upset that it wasn’t her and was my brother’s gf who “came out of nowhere”. She apparently went complaining to everyone about it cuz i keep getting stories from everywhere.

So that leads me to one question. Would it be bad to ditch her totally and just have her as a guest? She complains about everything and i’ve really been trying to hold on to our relationship but it’s hard to go through it when it’s my wedding and i just cannot handle the drama!

HELP!

Post # 16
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just an update for the OP… my friend did come to town last week as I said and I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She seemed a LITTLE surprised and later asked who my Maid/Matron of Honor was so I think she was definitely expecting it… but honestly she was very sweet. She offered to help as much as she could, seemed excited to be involved, etc. It was overall not nearly as bad as I made it out to be. So, go forth and have confidence about your decision. 🙂 

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