Post # 1
I have seen people talk about not wanting to be an “old Mom” on weddingbee and a couple of other places. I find the concept/semi-fear kind of interesting because it has never crossed my mind!
I think this is because my Mom was 38 when she had me and I never found that to be a problem. I actually want to wait until at least 30 to have kids because of my growing up experience. I think my parents were able to provide more financial and emotional stability for me and my siblings because they were older, more settled in careers etc…
How about you? Do you think it’s better to be a younger or older Mom? Can someone explain why being an “old Mom” is bad? 🙂
Post # 3
I think that there are pros and cons to having kids at any age. My mom had my brother at 18 and had me at 26, so I guess she was a young mom. When you have kids young you have more energy, you might be a little more “fun”, and you get your life back a lot sooner. When my mom was 44 she was child-free! Her and my dad are still so young and have so much of their lives ahead of them.
Having kids older means you might have mor patience, and you’ll certainly be more financially stable. You do give up some freedom in your 40s/50s if you’re still raising kids but you get that freedom in your 20s.
To me, the perfect time to have kids is between 30-35.
Post # 4
It’s not “bad”, i just know some people have concerns about being, say, 60, when your kids are 20. My mom is 52 and already has back problems and stuff–if she were older, her health would be worse and I could see it being far more difficult. I only have one grandparent left and I’m only 23….everybody in my family waits to have kids, and as such, my family lineages are long and spread out. I kinda feel like I missed out on that–my SIL is almost 30 and her grandparents are still alive! And doing fine! In fact, she has a baby so the grandparents have great-grand babies around…I just think it all depends on the family. I’ll be 24 when we start trying, but we’re unusually financially secure and stable to be starting a family. Plus, my uterus isn’t giving me until I’m 30! I don’t think either is “better’ because I think both have VERY different challenges to face. Some the same, of course, but a lot are very different.
And, i’m willing to bet if your mom was younger when she had you, you’d be tooting a different horn =]
Post # 5
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it necessarily….I agree with EJS that there’s pros and cons to both.
I have young parents (51) and Fiance has older parents (65). One major thing I notice is that we “do” more with my parents: activities, trips, concerts, playing games, having parties, etc. FI’s parents are more interested in sitting on the couch, drinking coffee, chatting. My parents visit us more because they can keep up with being the city, etc. and FI’s parents really can’t. And FI’s parents are non-stop pushing us to have kids because they don’t want to be “too old” by the time they have grandkids (my parents will prob be grandparents by the time they’re 55)
I plan on being somewhere in the middle in terms of having kids. We’re planning on our first when I’m 30.
Post # 6
Interesting question. I guess I’m going to end up being an “old mom” too since I just got married at 30, and we aren’t having kids for at least 2 more years. But to be honest, I am very glad I spent my 20s drinking and partying as opposed to raising kids!
Post # 7
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. My parents were in their early 30s when they had me. Since they were settled in their careers, we were able to go on lots of trips and have a nice home. We were very stable in our life. But now, my dad is a bit slower than my husband’s parents. We do go out and do things but not as much. They are still fun to be around though!
Post # 8
I had my daughter at 32 (she’s now 7yo) and honestly I think if I had her in my twenties I would have been a crappie mom. I spent my twenties enjoying ME time–travelling the world, showing horses, partying, starting my career. If I had her earlier I think I would have had resentment that I missed out on a lot. I am a super high energy person though so I’m not sure how it is for other older moms. My Fiance is ten years younger and I can’t have anymore children so plan on adopting or surrogate in two or three years so I’ll be over 40 for the next one!!
Post # 9
BF and I have decided that 30-35 is when we’re going to have kids, if we don’t change our minds.
My mom was 29 when she had me, 36 with my brother. BF’s parents were ~35 when they had him, ~32 for his sister.
Post # 10
My mom had me when she was 37. She died when she was 64. I delivered my mother’s eulogy when I was 26, and I would have preferred to have had her around for a lot longer.
Post # 11
My FI’s parents were in their 40’s when he was born and when he was 18 his dad suddenly died. As the Fiance will be turning 40 next year, this has been a huge influence on his desire not to have kids. He’s talked a few times about his feelings on having older parents and I respect his feelings on the experience. My parents were in their 20’s when they had me, so I can’t really relate to what he experienced. We both agree if we had met 10 years ago, well our perspective on having kids would probably have been a lot different.
I agree with the others- there are plusses and minuses at any age when you have kids. Do what’s right for you when its right for you.
Post # 12
My Mom used to tell me there’s a reason God makes women to have babies when they’re young,and I never really ‘got it’. I do now! Contrary to what some of you may think,you do not have more patience or more energy or more disposable income as you get older. Once you have kids,all the money you have will go to and for them. Just wait until you do your tax returns and add up how much it really costs to have children. If you work,daycare costs alone will kill you. Add in sports & equipment, lessons of any sort, braces, trips, vacations,clothes,Dr. appointments,emergency room visits, allergists (or any number of specialists your child may need to see)……the list goes on and really doesn’t end until their mid-twenties. Starting at 35 means you’ll be 60 before you’ll either be helping pay for a wedding (remember your words now about who contributes) ,helping pay for Grad school or helping out with loans for housing down payments.
Being a parent is one of life’s greatest rewards,but the reality of life is very often different from your best laid plans.
Post # 13
My parents were 27 when I was born and 36 when my youngest brother waas born. He just went to college this year and they are 53 which does not seem too old to me. Since my parents were always about the same age as my friends’ parents I never thought anything of it but now, my colleagues seem to think I have young parents.
I alwasy planned to have kids around 30. I would rather enjoy my time now and travel, live abroad, etc. but as I get closer to 30, I think 33 may be a better time to have kids. I never wanted to be a young mom and I especially feared being a teen mom.
Post # 14
My parents had me when they were 19 & 20 and then continued to have three more kids. My youngest brother was born when they were 28 & 29. On the old-young spectrum of parents, my parents always were pretty much the youngest of all my friend’s parents. However, I LOVED it. My parents are very active and they have been my whole life. They go on dates with each other just like they were still in HS and go dancing (not ballroom dancing either!).. stuff that some of my friends parents stopped doing a long time ago. Actually, being young is kind of the “norm” in my family. My grandpa turns 60 in February. Him & I are 1 day and 38 yrs apart. My Nana just turned 59. I grew up with my grandparents being way closer to the age of my friend’s parents. I loved it and wouldn’t change it for anything. I have so many friends that have already lost all their grandparents, or never knew them at all, and that would break my heart.
So far though, I’m not folllowing too closely in their footsteps. I’m almost 22 and don’t plan on having kids until I’m 25. Still, I think I want to pretty close to finished with having kids by the time I’m in my early 30’s. I want my kids to have close relationships with their grandparents like I did when I was growing up. Not to think of their grandparents as the old smelly people that pinch your cheeks and knit way too much!!
Post # 15
My mom had me when she was 35 and just had her 59th birthday last week. However, she’s in better shape than most 23 year olds that I know (has a personal trainer and goes to the gym 5-6 times per week). I plan on being an “older” mom. I really don’t want to start trying until I’m 29 or 30. I just know I’m WAY too selfish to have a kid now or ever 2-3 years from now. Also, I’m terrified of giving birth.
FI’s parents are in their early 50s and had him when they were in their early 20s. So I guess I’ve seen both sides of things. I don’t think one is necessarily “better” than the other, but I’m just not sure a couple in their early 20s (let’s say 20-23) is really ready for a kid. But I’m not a mom, so what do I know?
Post # 16
I am a very young mom. I think it’s great because I still have the energy to keep up with them. My mom is only in her 50s so it’s nice for her because then she can do a lot of things that my older grandmas couldn’t with us. I’m looking forward to that too.