(Closed) Old Situation, New Specifics: Kids at the wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    John and Sally Smith and your "Admit Two" invites should mostly do the trick : (21 votes)
    50 %
    Say "No Kids", people understand that doesn't mean no children at all will be present : (2 votes)
    5 %
    I say push the word of mouth as much as you can. You can't rely on people to just understand. : (19 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I couldn’t vote…I need an “other” option.

    There is no polite way to tell people that you are inviting some children, just not theirs.  If you go with the second option, people will assume you mean all kids and will be completely offended when they see 12 kids there.

    If you invite parents, they will assume their kids are invited too, even if you say “Admit two.”  So option one probably won’t work.

    If you’re really against it, I guess go with option three.  Although it is really best if you personally contact everyone whose kids you don’t want to invite.  If you’re uncomfortable contacting them yourself, just think of how awkward it will be for your parents to do it.  “Just want you to know your kids aren’t invited?”

    Honestly, you can expect any guests who were told to leave their kids at home to be pretty upset when they see other children were allowed to come.  If it were only the Ring Bearer and Flower Girl, maybe, but 12 kids?  That’ll sure ruffle feathers.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I didn’t vote because I don’t think you have an easy way out of this, unfortunately. I think if you say “no kids”, either by “admit one” or by word of mouth, people will be put off if they show up and see kids. Not sure there is any way around it. ETA: MS basically just said what I said but her reply wasn’t there yet when I wrote mine.. sorry to repeat!

    Post # 5
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    if the kids you’re inviting are all family or children of the bridal party, you can just tell people you’re only inviting kids if they’re family or with the bridal party. people will be mad if you make exceptions.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    If someone can’t figure out that kids that are in the bridal party and immediate family kids aren’t included in the ‘no kids’ thing than you can’t really help that.  I mean, can you imagine the nerve of someone coming to YOUR wedding, eating food you paid for, drinking drinks you paid for, listening to and dancing to music you paid for and then complaining because you also didn’t want to pay for their kids to come, too?  That’s pretty rude.  If you said ‘no kids’ and I showed up and saw 12 kids I’d assume that there was a good reason for it.  I wouldn’t think that it meant you love those kids and not mine – that’s kind of a kooky response, imo.

    If you address an invite to specific people and it says admit two and they come with three kids that weren’t on the invitiation and clearly are trying to swindle their kids in on your dime than I think a hammer over the head won’t even get through to them! Lol

    Post # 7
    Member
    1843 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I answered word of mouth.  I was invited to a wedding last year where the bride and groom were paying for everything themselves and just could not afford to feed everyone’s kids.  The bride started out by telling her wedding party and asked them to spread the word.  I have two children and wasn’t the least bit offended when it trickled down the grapevine that they really didn’t want children at the wedding.

    There were some children at the wedding, but I just assumed they were the children of out of town guests or family.  I wasn’t insulted at all that my children weren’t invited.  Had I been particularly close to the couple, and my children were close with them, then I probably would have asked how they felt about them attending.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I just honestly don’t understand why people would want to bring their kids to a wedding!! I mean if it was titled anything else (“fancy dinner” “black tie ball”) no one would bring their darlings. Don’t adults want nights out by themselves?

    I know this doesn’t answer your question, but still!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    @kala_way:

    @MightySapphire:“If you invite parents, they will assume their kids are invited too”

    Is that really the etiquette?”

    I don’t think it is at all.  If I invite two parents out to dinner they had better not show up with their kids, lol!  I’ve never heard that inviting parents automatically means you’re inviting the kids too.  If it says ‘and family’ or ‘and children’ or lists the children by name then the can assume the kids are invited, but an invite is intended for those that are addressed on it, that’s all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1843 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @luckyprincess:  While I agree with you, from my own experience, I tend to think that most people don’t understand this.

    I have a coworker who won’t attend a wedding w/out his 6-year old daughter. If she can’t come, he and his wife won’t come. I’ve never understood it, but he’s made a point of letting everyone know how he feels.  Some parents are just like that.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We are discouraging but not banning children.  However, I’m not sure everyone can do that.  For one thing there’s not very many children among our friends and families to begin with and for another we have a distinct reputation for not being child-friendly.

    Are you having a late night wedding?  Open bar?  Playing your own music with explicit lyrics?  Basically what we are telling people with children is that we won’t stop them from bringing their kids, but we’re doing absolutely nothing to make this a kid-friendly experience.  Pointing out that there will be heavy drinking, very bad language, possibly some streaking… maybe even worse than that.  Our friends and family kind of expect this from us anyway… if they want to bring their kid to this and expose them to whatever deviant behavior occurs, that’s fine, but nobody is going to change their behavior to accomodate someone else’s kids.

    Can you get away with painting your wedding in this sort of light to scare people out of bringing their children?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    @milesbella:

    Yikes!  That’s just crazy.  Plus, I’d think it’s not very healthy for these kids.  Seems like a lot of responsibilty for a child to be the center of their parents social lives….I’d think my parents were a bit weird if they refused to go anywhere without me as a 6 year old, lol!! 

    I guess I have entagled’s rep.  People know that I don’t want children but love my nieces and nephews.  I’m pretty positive that not one person would try calling me or sending back an RSVP for more than were invited….they know I’d say ‘nope’. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think if you include like “Admit Two” for a family of four, it might come off as rude since you aren’t directly saying no kids. You might have a bunch of people calling you wondering where there other tickets are. If they DO understand, they probably will understand it as a “NO KIDS AT ALL” deal and be upset when they show up and a dozen other kids were allowed, but not theirs.

    Post # 16
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @kala_way:i would put that message on your website, not the back of the invitation.

    The topic ‘Old Situation, New Specifics: Kids at the wedding!’ is closed to new replies.

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