Post # 1
I want to keep our numbers to about 120. Currently we have a list of 160, which includes about 40 kids! I love kids but I don’t want to have a children’s party!
Now I know that at least 20 people will not come–family that is poor and lives a long plane flight away. There are at least 10-12 kids that I’m sure will be there (my sisters kids, cousins who are travelling with their parents and would have no where else to go, the kids of our friends who are in the wedding and travelling a few hours, etc.).
I really don’t know how to encourage people not to bring kids without banning it. If the invite doesn’t include them and then they show up and see a dozen kids there won’t that be strange?
Do you just write John and Sally Smith on the invite and hope they assume no kids?
Our invites are kinda cutesy and say “Admit One” or “Admit Two”. Do you think most people will get the idea with just this and some word of mouth?
Post # 3
I couldn’t vote…I need an “other” option.
There is no polite way to tell people that you are inviting some children, just not theirs. If you go with the second option, people will assume you mean all kids and will be completely offended when they see 12 kids there.
If you invite parents, they will assume their kids are invited too, even if you say “Admit two.” So option one probably won’t work.
If you’re really against it, I guess go with option three. Although it is really best if you personally contact everyone whose kids you don’t want to invite. If you’re uncomfortable contacting them yourself, just think of how awkward it will be for your parents to do it. “Just want you to know your kids aren’t invited?”
Honestly, you can expect any guests who were told to leave their kids at home to be pretty upset when they see other children were allowed to come. If it were only the Round Brilliant and Flower Girl, maybe, but 12 kids? That’ll sure ruffle feathers.
Post # 4
I didn’t vote because I don’t think you have an easy way out of this, unfortunately. I think if you say “no kids”, either by “admit one” or by word of mouth, people will be put off if they show up and see kids. Not sure there is any way around it. ETA: MS basically just said what I said but her reply wasn’t there yet when I wrote mine.. sorry to repeat!
Post # 5
if the kids you’re inviting are all family or children of the bridal party, you can just tell people you’re only inviting kids if they’re family or with the bridal party. people will be mad if you make exceptions.
Post # 6
If someone can’t figure out that kids that are in the bridal party and immediate family kids aren’t included in the ‘no kids’ thing than you can’t really help that. I mean, can you imagine the nerve of someone coming to YOUR wedding, eating food you paid for, drinking drinks you paid for, listening to and dancing to music you paid for and then complaining because you also didn’t want to pay for their kids to come, too? That’s pretty rude. If you said ‘no kids’ and I showed up and saw 12 kids I’d assume that there was a good reason for it. I wouldn’t think that it meant you love those kids and not mine – that’s kind of a kooky response, imo.
If you address an invite to specific people and it says admit two and they come with three kids that weren’t on the invitiation and clearly are trying to swindle their kids in on your dime than I think a hammer over the head won’t even get through to them! Lol
Post # 7
I answered word of mouth. I was invited to a wedding last year where the bride and groom were paying for everything themselves and just could not afford to feed everyone’s kids. The bride started out by telling her wedding party and asked them to spread the word. I have two children and wasn’t the least bit offended when it trickled down the grapevine that they really didn’t want children at the wedding.
There were some children at the wedding, but I just assumed they were the children of out of town guests or family. I wasn’t insulted at all that my children weren’t invited. Had I been particularly close to the couple, and my children were close with them, then I probably would have asked how they felt about them attending.
Post # 8
I just honestly don’t understand why people would want to bring their kids to a wedding!! I mean if it was titled anything else (“fancy dinner” “black tie ball”) no one would bring their darlings. Don’t adults want nights out by themselves?
I know this doesn’t answer your question, but still!
Post # 9
eek, I’m so conflicted about this. I’m hoping our friends will be gracious about it because we’re the last of our group to get married so we have a lot of friends with small kids. I just really can’t imagine being at a wedding with 40 children there!
I’d hate to have to not invite certain people because we’re unsure whether people will bring their kids or not.
@MightySapphire:“If you invite parents, they will assume their kids are invited too”
Is that really the etiquette?
The reason I don’t want 40 kids isn’t just because they are kids, lol. Or because I think they’ll misbehave. It’s because I don’t think they’d have a good time. We don’t have kid style entertainment, so having a chair and a plate for them to sit and be bored for 4 hours when it could have been a night out for the parents and a seat for an adult who’d enjoy it seems backwards and mixed up. I don’t care if my 10 year old niece is bored, but it doesn’t seem fair to other kids who don’t know us well.
Post # 10
“@MightySapphire:“If you invite parents, they will assume their kids are invited too”
Is that really the etiquette?”
I don’t think it is at all. If I invite two parents out to dinner they had better not show up with their kids, lol! I’ve never heard that inviting parents automatically means you’re inviting the kids too. If it says ‘and family’ or ‘and children’ or lists the children by name then the can assume the kids are invited, but an invite is intended for those that are addressed on it, that’s all.
Post # 11
@luckyprincess: While I agree with you, from my own experience, I tend to think that most people don’t understand this.
I have a coworker who won’t attend a wedding w/out his 6-year old daughter. If she can’t come, he and his wife won’t come. I’ve never understood it, but he’s made a point of letting everyone know how he feels. Some parents are just like that.
Post # 12
We are discouraging but not banning children. However, I’m not sure everyone can do that. For one thing there’s not very many children among our friends and families to begin with and for another we have a distinct reputation for not being child-friendly.
Are you having a late night wedding? Open bar? Playing your own music with explicit lyrics? Basically what we are telling people with children is that we won’t stop them from bringing their kids, but we’re doing absolutely nothing to make this a kid-friendly experience. Pointing out that there will be heavy drinking, very bad language, possibly some streaking… maybe even worse than that. Our friends and family kind of expect this from us anyway… if they want to bring their kid to this and expose them to whatever deviant behavior occurs, that’s fine, but nobody is going to change their behavior to accomodate someone else’s kids.
Can you get away with painting your wedding in this sort of light to scare people out of bringing their children?
Post # 13
Yikes! That’s just crazy. Plus, I’d think it’s not very healthy for these kids. Seems like a lot of responsibilty for a child to be the center of their parents social lives….I’d think my parents were a bit weird if they refused to go anywhere without me as a 6 year old, lol!!
I guess I have entagled’s rep. People know that I don’t want children but love my nieces and nephews. I’m pretty positive that not one person would try calling me or sending back an RSVP for more than were invited….they know I’d say ‘nope’. 🙂
Post # 14
I think if you include like “Admit Two” for a family of four, it might come off as rude since you aren’t directly saying no kids. You might have a bunch of people calling you wondering where there other tickets are. If they DO understand, they probably will understand it as a “NO KIDS AT ALL” deal and be upset when they show up and a dozen other kids were allowed, but not theirs.
Post # 15
lol, I’m almost considering doing a quirky FBI warning on the back of the invitation with fine print. Keeping it funny and light and saying something like.
“FBI Warning (Favored Beautiful Invitees) Hey, so you’re reading the fine print! Good for you! We’re getting married outside and it might be hot so I’d bring a hat if I were you. You know we’d really love if you RSVP’d. We don’t want to beg or anything but it will probably be more fun if you do! If you want to come and you don’t RSVP you’re more than welcome as long as you don’t eat or sit down. Oh and so many of you have kids! Kids are awesome. If every one of your brought your lovely chillins we’d have over 40! That’s more than a California classroom and that really saying something. So you can bring them if you can’t come without them, but look on it as an afternoon out. Babysitter’s need your support! They wouldn’t have fun with all us adults anyway. You can go down to the ocean and have a nice dinner after Tim and I ride off into the sunset.”
@Entangled:That’s actually part of the problem. If it was a late wedding with dancing and alcohol I’d feel much better about saying ‘no kids’. Problem is it’s at 2 pm, casual, no alcohol, and probably only a little dancing if any. Nothing crazy. We just don’t have enough chairs for 160 people!
Post # 16
@kala_way:i would put that message on your website, not the back of the invitation.