(Closed) Older bees – do you think it would have worked out had you met your SO earlier?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

mikesgirl123 :  My Darling Husband says exactly the same. He’s a bit older than me so we couldn’t have got together much earlier (I was 20 when we got together, he was 27) but he says the reason we work is that he was ready to meet me and be serious. He says he messed up with other relationships and wasn’t particularly nice or wise and he wouldn’t have wanted to meet me then beca use he was an idiot.

He turned out to be the best person I know so I trust his judgement.  I wouldn’t have been ready to meet him any earlier either so this worked out best for us bothm

Post # 17
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We actually dated in college, broke up, reconnected 8 years later and now married. We have talked about this too and we honestly think if we hadn’t broken up a few months in while in college (mostly just because we were too busy), we would have stayed together, got married, and realistically probably divorced already because we did need that time for each of us to “grow up” and become people that were ready to be married. And the people we were wouldn’t have worked through the tough sides of marriage or been able to be patient and communicate nearly as well either.

But with those 8 years apart and experiences and maturing, it worked out that next time! It’s like maybe there was always something there that meant we could work out-but we just weren’t ready earlier. And I think we both know the other person could have been with someone else because there was plenty of time but instead we’re back together and that’s pretty special to us.

 

Post # 18
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nope!  We’ve talked about this too. We met when I was 26 and he was 28.  I was basically still a disaster while he was pretty steady and stable (that’s kind of still our personalities).  I don’t think I was ready any earlier.  I wouldn’t have accepted his non-game-playing and direct stuff – it would have been mystifying!  My self-esteem was way too low and even when we met it was hard for me to feel “good” enough for someone so wonderful.  I had a lot of growing up to do.  I’m so happy I didn’t settle earlier.  

Post # 19
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Here’s my story…

My fiance and I were actually set up on a blind date almost exactly 6 years ago! We kind of started seeing eachother but ultimately he broke it off. He had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and explained to me that he was just not ready to start another one. (Just for the record, I was 21 and he was 22 at the time.)

Despite calling off dating, we remained friends and quickly became best friends. We eventually moved 4+ hours away from eachother but kept in contact constantly.

About two and a half years ago, we decided to try dating. Obviously it worked out amazingly because we are now engagedat 28 and 29  years old. (I know we are not exactly “older” but our relationship really seemed to depend on us growing up and maturing from when we first met.)

We both have said and agreed that we are happy we didn’t try to seriously date at 21 and 22 years old. Beyond just the fact that he was just out of a bad relationship, we both recognize we needed those few years to do some growing up and figure ourselves out before we could be happy.

Post # 20
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Nope! I was a self absorbed brat that wouldn’t have known a good man even if he had a sign painted on his forhead. I needed to travel, do dumb things, be independent, grow up and kiss a lot of frogs before I was ready to settle down. When we met – the timing was right and I was happy and in a good place. I’m a very different person now vs my twenties. And I’ll continue to evolve!

Post # 21
Member
2071 posts
Buzzing bee

I honestly think no matter when in life we met, we would have been together. I cannot explain the type of connection and understanding we have together, its like nothing I have ever experienced before. Sure, life experiences have helped mold us, but I think our core values and personalities have stayed the same and we would be just as strong at 20 as we would have been at 40.

** He is the only person I would say that about, though. I do believe timing is absolutely everything 99.9% of the time!

Post # 22
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Nope. I like to say that I don’t regret my previous long-term relationship…it was bad—-really really bad, so of course I regret wasting all those years…but I learned so much about myself through and especially on the other side of it. I’m not the same person I was then. 

If Darling Husband and I had met back then I think we would have liked each other, we would have been terribly compatible at any point….but I’m not sure that we would have worked out back then because we both still had a lot of growing as individuals to do. 

Post # 23
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Probably not. I was super immature in my last relationship and have done a lot of growing in this one as well. SO, from the sounds of it, needed the years before I came around to mature as well. Even now we’re works-in-progress.

Post # 24
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Nope, if we started dating before we did we most certainly would not be together. We did start dating ‘early’ to some standards, as I was 22 and he was 21. We are now 26-27. Our life stories are kind of hard, but we found comfort and a home togther.

Post # 25
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

I actually wish I had met my SO later. I really struggled pushing him away knowing he’s the one for me. Believe it or not, I felt it on the first night we’ve met. Anyway, I had always been in a relationship before meeting him and had just made a promise to myself to stop dating and work on my self esteem by learning to be alone. Needless to say, I didn’t resist very long. I still feel I would have become better and more mature by allowing myself some growth as a single person, but true love was calling!

Post # 26
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think I would have known to appreciate SO like I do now if I’d met him even a few years earlier. I also don’t think I would have had the maturity to treat him right. I wouldn’t have been an equal partner for him. I would have caused a lot of problems without realizing it and probably blamed him. 

Post # 27
Member
9946 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m not older really but I have to chime in and say HELL NO.

We both needed to mature and he needed to go out and live life or else he wouldn’t have been emotionally ready to settle down. We actually could have met sooner, as it turns out, we stood next to each other several times over the course of 10 years following the same band. There are pictures of us from shows literally like five people apart from one another. However, had we met at that time I highly doubt we would be here now.

Post # 28
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

This is a great topic! We talk about this subject often.

No. It certainly would not have / didn’t work out earlier when we first met

I met my SO 25+ years ago when we were in high school. I was 15, SO was 16. We dated a few months & broke up. We ran into each other a few times over the years & either he was in a relationship or I was. Timing was just always off even though the interest was always there. We finally ran into each other again when I was 38, SO was 39. It was on from that moment forward! We have wasted NO more time since then! Lol.

I think my SO could have been fine had we of either stayed together or gotten together earlier but I definitely was not ready & we would have divorced. I feel everything worked out the way it was supposed to & I’m so grateful for it!!

Post # 29
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Yeah we would have been great together! We met at 31, wish we had met in our 20s!

Post # 30
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Nah. I wouldn’t have appreciated what I had if I hadn’t been through all those relationships that didn’t work out. By the time my Darling Husband and I started dating, I realized right away that what we had was special and have never taken it for granted.

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