Older bees – do you think it would have worked out had you met your SO earlier?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My Darling Husband and my joke is that I followed him around for a few years before we met.  We worked at the same store A and B of a company.  He left A to work at B, I started at A.  He then left B to go to law school and I transferred to B.  I also almost took the top of a duplex that his sister and her Darling Husband lived in.  When we compare pasts, we find all these little places where we could have met sooner and didn’t. 

And thank god we didn’t.  DH was a bum during that period.  Directionless after undergrad, spent at least 4 nights a week at the bar with his friends.  I was sanctimonious during the same time and would not have been impressed by that behavior.  

When we did meet, the stick up my butt had been removed, and Darling Husband was settling into accepting that he as going to be a professional.  We would have hated earlier versions, but when we met we had become very good for eachother. 

Post # 32
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

We’re in our early 30’s. But we knew each other since mid 20’s. 

He was a smoker, I’m highly allergic. He was a alcoholic. He cleaned up his act. And we got together at the perfect time in life. I wouldn’t have appreciated the man he is, and during that time of his life, he wouldn’t be this man. 

Post # 33
Member
7816 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

When I met my Fiance, I was 29 and he was 33 and we had both had several long-term relationships before each other. I like to think we would have always ended up together no matter when we met, but realistically I’m not so sure. His career didn’t get off the ground until he was about 30, and I think he was dealing with a lot of angst about that through much of his 20s which could have come between us. I was also pretty selfish and insecure through much of my 20s.

Still, I dunno, we fit together so well. Part of me thinks we could have made it work if we’d met at any time in our lives…but I’m glad it happened when it did. I don’t think I would have appreciated him as much if I hadn’t experienced my previous relationships.

Post # 34
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

I’m thinking probably not! Darling Husband was a bit of a trouble maker and hung out with a rough crowd in his late teens / early 20s. If we’d met back then, I don’t think I would have taken him seriously.

Post # 35
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

tiffanybruiser :  I understand what you mean. My husband and I fit together so well too. I have no doubt we would have got along and been attracted to each other if we met younger, but I still think we needed those years before we met – and all those experiences – to truly grow as people and be all we are, and to have the relationship we have.

One thing I think of is younger me was so insecure about being completely honest and upfront with men – especially men I liked – out of a fear of rejection and so on. I needed that time before we met to develop my confidence and a bit of “IDGAF if someone is threatened by my honesty and who I am as then they aren’t for me-ness” in order to have the open, honest, relationship we have, one where I am and let my true self be known and I am accepted as such. I know he has similar thoughts: that if I had met him years before, before his last big relationship and his last big breakup which resulted in him going into counseling for a while and so on, he would not be the emotionally aware & emotionally intelligent man he is today. We might have had fun, and got along really well, but that very deep and intimate connection and relationship we have…it might have been stunted or never came to be, if that makes sense.

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