Older Married Sister/MOH wreaking havoc on wedding

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 16
1831 posts
Buzzing bee

The night you got engaged she was drunk? Was she the only one? She has a lot of emotional problems and your parents are enablers. Best if you hadn’t asked her to be MOH but that ship has sailed. Of course, that would have opened up an entirely different set of tantrums.

If anyone has had a talk with her about getting help, for her problems/drinking, and she won’t, there isnt anything you can do for now. Have as little to do with her as possible. 

Post # 17
1115 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry that your sister is being SOOOOOO difficult, but my question for you is, ” how would you handle this situation if this was a friend/neighbor/coworker?’ if the answer is cut her out of my life then do that. Don’t tolerate this behavior because you share blood. I think parents who deal with this kind of thing often try and just smooth things over and try and make everyone happy…. so the real issues don’t ever get dealt with.

Your sis sounds like she’s mentally ill.  I know it will be hard (seriously, I really do know) but you need to stand up for yourself.  Seriously, don’t invite her to pre wedding events, don’t give her a choice in bridesmaid’s dresses….and tell her, ‘ if you genuinely can not come to my wedding and act appropriately, then stay home.’ You might also want to tell your parents of this conversation you will be having with your sister too…. bc there will be backlash bc they want to maintain the status quo and pretend like everything is fine.

My sis is NOWHERE close to yours …. but she can be selfish and when I was planning my wedding, I put my foot down- for the first time. After years of having to schedule and plan things around my sis and her family. And you know what? My mom was initially mad at me, but she got over it. I also kept reiterating, ‘ I’m not changing my mind. I’m done talking about it.’
A few times I said to my mom,’ you’ve already said that, and you know my feelings about this topic. I’m hanging up now.’  and I did!!…. Actually, I think ONCE my mom got very upset so I calmly asked her why she was working so fucking hard in trying to convince me that my sister wasn’t selfish when there were so many incidents over the years so clearly show that she was?’  I then followed up with ‘you can tolerate this all you want to, but I’m done in pretending that this is okay.” That wasn’t pleasant!!~

At the end of the day, my selfish sister came to the wedding, in the dress everyone else agreed on, she looked beautiful, she smiled…. my parents were great and there were no further incidents. Since that time there have been a couple of minor incidents with her and her selfishness but nothing like there used to be. She’s also gotten mad at me a time or two as well, but I’ve smiled sweetly and said, ” I don’t care. I’m not doing that.” 

Post # 18
3985 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m sorry I would never tolerate this behavior from a 41 year old person. She would be swiftly told that if she has so many complaints, she can please just attend the wedding as a guest, and if there’s still an issue please do not come at all. But to placate this disaster from a grown ass woman is enabling. This needs to be put to bed, now.

Post # 19
21 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

wondering12345 :   im dealing with something similar right now with my brother. But we are a lot younger. . I’m so worried.. did you already have your wedding? 

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