(Closed) OMG Bees….IT’S OVER

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh my goodness.  *hugshugshugs*  I’m so sorry.  But I’ll second those above who have said how strong you both are for recognizing when it’s just not going to work.  Your posts sound like you’ve got your s*** together, so to speak, and I think that’s amazing.  Good for him too for being strong enough to let you go rather than do the safe thing and hold on to you and letting you hope he’ll come around.  I’ll hold out hope for you that maybe he *will*; it sounds like you two had a great thing going, and maybe he can get past whatever commitment problems he has when the alternative is losing you for good.  Stranger things have happened!  But if not, you sound like you’ll be awesome no matter what.  πŸ™‚

Post # 33
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

Oh girl, I’m so proud of you. As awful as the situation feels right  now, you are clearly moving towards a much healthier one with yourself and someone else in the future. You know what you want and you are wise enough to know that waiting around for him to maybe, someday decide he’s ready just isn’t for you. It took a lot of guts to do what you did but I have no doubt that you’re going to be happier because of it.

Post # 34
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh honey, I wish I could think of something to say that would help and that could take the hurt away. I’m so incredibly sorry. While I was reading your post I kept thinking “If you’re going to break up, this is how you do it with grace and dignity.” I think you showed an incredible amount of strength to really listen to what he was saying and not compromise yourself. That is unbelievably hard to do and I commend you for it. I have always enjoyed your posts and comments on this board and I hope you stay around. Wishing you peace and healing and happiness.

Post # 35
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my gosh! *HUGS*

You absolutely did the right thing! And if you were meant to be, it will all work itself out. And if this was not, just remember that these things happen for a reason. Continue to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with love and support from your friends.

Post # 36
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Aww. For some reason I was hoping the title meant the wait is over. πŸ™ I am very glad he was a man about it and told you up front, instead of stringing you along.

I don’t have any advice, just wanted to give you a hug ((((dreamingbee)))

Post # 37
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Sending you many virtual hugs!

I think if it is meant to be, it will be. But maybe it’s not meant to be. I waited TWENTY years for my ex to grow up – he is 52 years old now and still thinks life is about following musical bands around and drinking whiskey all night. Still I waited, thinking if I could just be better somehow, he would come around. Then shortly after my dasughter and only child died, he dumped me for a bar skank (and I am being polite in saying that). I was truly devastated.  I lost the two people I loved most in life. After several years of bad depression, I realized my daughter would want me to get on with my life. Although I was not looking for love, it found me anyway and now I am happily married.

Stay strong and take care of yourself. Things WILL get better!!!

Post # 38
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

wow i am so sorry, yet happy for you! some good things fall apart so that better things can come together! keep your chin up!

Post # 41
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sending you positive thoughts and hugs. Take deep breaths, remember that your friends are there to see you through and support you and realize that you are feeling the sadness and hurt for now, but things will change and you won’t feel this way forever. Every break-up requires time. Wishing you the best.

Post # 42
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee

Ohhh DB, of course you are in mourning.  Remember it is totally normal to feel this way and healthy.  After a breakup we tend to focus on different things.  Good things, bad things…depends.

Just keep coming back here for support, we can build you up!  I know this site was very helpful with my breakup.  I’m so grateful to all the kind Bees that gave me advice.

 

Post # 44
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m sorry things didn’t turn out as you hoped. I was rooting for you!

But, you stood up for yourself and respected your needs and that is great. He says he never loved anyone as much, and he’s about to let it go for some fears he has and can’t pin point. It’s sad really. But you don’t need that, no one does. You deserve to be with a man who is 100% sure about you and who is man enough not to worry that if he makes a choice, he’ll pass up on something else that could or could not come along..

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will have ups and downs and it’s normal. You’re doing so great. Don’t beat yourself up over the harder times. Maybe tonight you don’t work, maybe you wait until tomorrow… Maybe the morning is better to focus and be positive.

 

Post # 46
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

HI DB – I’ve been a lurker on this site for a while and finally registered just so I could leave you a comment.

Your post struck me because I could have written it, almost word for word, a few years ago.  My then-BF and I had been together for 6 years, had bought our condo together 6 months earlier.  I was crushed.  I loved him, I thought again and again about just “going back to being BF and Girlfriend,” something he would have been willing to do. 

Instead, I got my own place.  I had good days and terrible ones.  I thought about calling him and avoided doing so.  I leaned on my friends and started going to a great therapist.  Eventually, I started feeling like myself again.  I even developed new hobbies, made new friends… and met my (now) fiance, with whom I am almost always on the same page.  I don’t have to push him into anything, and he doesn’t need to push me.  I feel lucky every day, and especially lucky that my ex didn’t just play along – because we both deserved better than that.

I hang out with my ex now and then, who is still a great guy, and we joke about how we were wrong for each other at the right time and vice versa.  He’s still not ready for marriage, or even anything more than dating anyone, and is not sure that he ever will be.  Definitely not saying this will be the same in your case, but there are good guys who take a long time to be ready, if ever.

Hang in there.  I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am rooting for you.  Whatever happens, you sound tough and like you have it together (waaaay more than I did at the time, By The Way – I was a mess).   You will be fine.  Almost certainly way better than fine. πŸ™‚  Sorry for the excessive length!

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