Post # 47
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
I am so sorry you are going through this at such a stressful time 🙁 Remember to lean on your friends and yourself. You sound like a strong, independent person so you can overcome this! My fiance and I went through a breakup together and I will never forget what that conversation felt like. I remember feeling like I would never get over it and then one day I did. I did keep a journal, it helped me get my thoughts out of my head (but this blog is probably good too!). Eventually, we got back together, more mature, and learned a lot from it. I don’t know where the two of you will end up, but it will eventually become more clear to both of you what is best.
Good luck with your interview!! Wishing you the best!
Post # 48
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
Glad I could help. I honestly almost didn’t write it, because he sounds like a great guy and I didn’t want to look as if I’m bashing him or something… But I feel that it’s really sad to let go of something so good because you can’t overcome your fears.. I hope he comes to his senses, but if he doesn’t, I’m positive you’ll find someone who won’t be afraid to be with you (how frightening can that be, haha).
I think we all have one story like this, at least I do, and I can empathise with you.
Post # 49
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
**hugs**. Be strong, hun. You will get through this. I hope everything works out for you (both). 🙂
Post # 50
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
@DreamingBee: Oh, honey, PM me your address and I’ll send you my copy! (Seriously, I will…if you want it.)
I have to say, it’s been awesome reading all these responses. I think we all have one story like this in our history, it seems. The important thing is that you are true to yourself. And like a PP mentioned, you did it with grace and dignity.
I was just thinking, have you ever done “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron? I did it after that bad breakup 5 years ago, and it was super helpful.
(I can send you that book too!)
Post # 51
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
I am so sorry! *hugs*
You absolutely did the right thing. I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years and I was an absolute mess when we broke up but it was the right thing. It is not going to be easy at first, but it really does get better with time. My ex used to go back and forth about wanting to get married, but I played that game with him for so long and I got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. As heartbroken as I was, I felt a little relief at the same time because I struggled so much with the waiting and waiting!
When we broke up I really did not think that I would ever love anyone as much as I loved by ex BF, but then I met Fiance. Not right away…I met him about 2 years later which was perfect, but we do have an amazing relationship. My ex BF and I are still friendly and it is very easy for me to now see that we were not right for each other.
Hang in there, I know everything will work out for you, too!
Post # 52
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
The support from this board has been so amazing, I could not possibly be more grateful. Every time I’m feeling down I’m logging in and reading everyone’s responses.
@canuba: thank you for registering so you could leave a comment, that means a lot to me. I was so touched when I saw your post! I’m so glad you were willing to share your story. It’s so good to hear stories from women who’ve been there…and had happy outcomes, even if it meant moving on. And the painful moments involved. And never apologize for the length…I love hearing it and I know I leave long posts sometimes 😉
@SandraCarol: this blog is helping tremendously, and I journal quite a bit as well. I’m so glad you and your Fiance got through it. I know I need to move on through the hard days. I don’t want to hold out hope that he’ll “come around” but I would not be surprised either way. I do think that what we shared was very powerful, I have a feeling he may have more to say at some point. It might be a long time but we will probably reconnect at some point. I give myself a timeframe of at least 6 months+ (when I’m over it or I’m in love with someone else) before even attempting to be “friends” with an Ex. Otherwise we’re both setting ourselves up for un-necessary pain and backsliding.
@egb: I’m glad you posted that comment, even though you had second thoughts about it. I KNOW he’s a good guy, and I don’t want to bash him either. Him being a “great guy” only makes it harder, in a way. But your post was so thought-provoking, becuase he did cave to his fears and I thought he was stronger than that! I guess thinking better of people will get you in trouble sometimes, but if the alternative is to think the worse, I’d rather be positive and risk getting hurt.
@Ms. MoxieMonkey: You are an ANGEL! I’ll PM you now. I’ve heard of “The Artist’s Way” also but I have not read it yet. I hear it’s amazing!
@Sunshine1810: I was single for 3 years, and then I had a very brief but awful relationship that I thought I would never get over, before I met the BF who’s been the subject of this post….it was like night and day. I got over the other guy and I’ll get over my recent ex-BF as well. Wow. Ex-BF. Crazy to think of him that way :-(. One thing I do know is that it has always gotten better as I’ve moved on, I’m always learning, and I read a quote from a very smart lady who said “I learned that you can’t be afraid to leave something good for something better”.
XOXO
And THANKS SO MUCH!
Post # 53
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
Oh, man. I am so sorry to hear that…=/ Stay strong. Sending you Internet hugs…and here’s a Lolcat, too. Breakups suck. Remember that you have yourself, your strength, and of course your girls. (And the Bee–we’re all here for you!)
Post # 54
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
I’m curious… has he tried to call you or talk about it since you showed him the door?
Post # 55
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
@Statutory Grape: LOO! That pic was awesome. And I am so blessed to have my friends, my girls, and my
Bees! I really believe this board is helping me to move through what is necessary
Regarding: “It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken”….an hour ago I actually found my “Super Book” journal from my last breakup, with all the exercises and 2+ month’s worth of journaling. That was the guy before BF. He’s nothing but a minor blip on the radar now… But when I was going through it I felt like it was the end of the world. That journal was a major work of love for me. It will be interesting to see it again.
My gut says I should take a look at that book and gain sense of perspective.
@aberry: Nothing, not a word. *crickets*. Maybe we can speculate or hope that he is coming around. It is big day for him….a Cal foodball game and 9/11, with some co-workers , as wells as himself and friends who had lost loved ones in that catastrophe. So the usualy drink-ball-game shenanagins + phsychologica/social trauma (he knew people in that tower)…..I was not expecting anything but praying that he gets to bed early and gets some good sleep.
However, I did get a text from his work partner’s Girlfriend (I’m close to her but obviously its debatable whetherI should continue that friendship….) She said “hey hon, I heard some sad news today, are you OK?” and invited me to a concert tomorrow. (I’m busy though….although it is one of my fave bands). She said they were all wasted. So I guess it’s public informatiom now!
My god I’m tired, time for bed!
Post # 56
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but you really seem to have a good perspective about the situation.
Was your ex’s work partner’s GF all wasted when she invited you to the concert? If not, are you planning on going? And do you think you’re going to continue your friendship with her? It seems like she wants to continue the friendship. And it’s not like she has to choose side (imo) since your break up doesn’t seem to be super messy or anything.
Post # 57
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
@JenniMichele: She is an absolute sweetheart! and I will not accept her invite since I already have plans tomorrow.
Also, her BF sits at the same desk as my Ex-BF. The reality and/or temptation to be informed of each other’s state and /or behavior would be less than ideal for a healthy breakup.
Even though I LOVE HER! We needto find a way to connect outisde the boys,if at all possible. She lives near where I do my volunteer work. so perhaps that is a possible way to connect.
XOXO
Post # 58
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
@DreamingBee: you’re such a sweet girl, I’ve read your comments many times in other bees’ posts and you always have nice positive words; just wanted to tell you obvious things that sometimes we forget when something like this happens:
– time really does do wonders, and maybe you’ll need a very long time to get over him, but you WILL, just keep thinking that day after day, it’s one less day of pain and suffering
– you told the guy you love him enough to marry him and be by his side forever, that’s the most beautiful thing a person can say to another, so you didn’t do anything wrong at all! don’t keep analyzing the things that you did and said, he knows you love him deeply and want to be with him forever, he knows you too and will understand and justify your reaction and your specific words, foget about little details that you did or didn’t do… he has the information!
– the ball is in his side and there’s NOTHING you can’t do… this will relax you, because you don’t have to make any decision or do anything except focus in healing
Keep being strong! This WILL PASS!
Post # 59
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
@cherryblossombee: ah, those things are not so obvious at times like this! thank you for reminding me that it was a beautiful thing that I said and I didn’t do anything wrong. And I can relax, I guess.
My god I was so angry last night. Ah, the stages of grief!
@JenniMichele: I don’t know if the Girlfriend was wasted last night (I know the boys were)but I looked at my phone this morning….and I was pretty out of it last night! I had texted her some pretty unintelligible/inappropriate things later in the evening after I had taken a sleeping pill. Doh! Frickin’ Ambien, I hate how it makes you loopy sometimes but I love it for getting to sleep during something like this. *Note: next time I need to make sure my phone is out of reach before getting in bed*
She said she heard that my BF and I had a heavy talk and was I OK? And I was like, are you kidding me “heavy talk”? It’s over. I am not OK.
Then I saw that I’d asked how he was doing but please don’t let it get back to him that I asked.
Sh*t. Of course it will probably get back to him. Not exactly the cool-post-breakup-persona I’d like to project, right? I DO need to review the book “It’s Called a Break-up Becuase it’s Broken”.
Looking on the bright side, I guess it’s better than drunk-dialing Ex-BF. This was not so bad, I “ambien-texted” back with his partner’s Girlfriend. She’s not my BF, and she’s a GIRL! That’s better than what could have happened, right? LOL!
You guys are my break-up buddy for now. I made it through Day 1 🙂
And I’m AWAKE before 6am on a Sunday! I want this to be another productive morning and actually get work done. Going for a run first though. I’ve been so good about exercising! I’m patting myself on the back when it’s really only been 2 days but whatever, I’ll take what I can get for my self-esteem right now….
Post # 60
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
Congratulations on making it through DAY 1! 🙂 I think you are through and done with the worst day of a breakup. Stay strong and we’re here for you!
Post # 61
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
Thank you!!! That’s awesome of you to say that the worst day is over 🙂
LOL, I was looking at my break-up journal/”Super Book” from the last break-up…all the journaling and exercises, the crossing-days-off-the calendar. ALL of the work I did. I did a lot of writing and I took a ton of trips with my girlfriends during that time.
I saw through my journal entries how it got easier for me, really it was the first 3 days that were the most awful. Then a few weeks out it got a lot easier, and even before I got the 2 month mark I was really loving life! And just after 2 months, I met my new guy (now ex-BF).
I just thought. Wow! I can totally do this! I’ve done the work to get through a break-up before, and I rolled up my sleeves, and I rocked it! I came out a better person. I’m so glad I kept that journal.
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