Post # 107
Whenever I get to that almost-unbearable point, I come back here and re-read this thread.
What’s going on now is that I can’t help hoping that he misses me and is realizing that he is a lot happier having me around. I can’t help it! I hope respects me more becuase I stook up for myself. That maybe, just maybe with me being on this trip, him knowing I’m traveling out of state, not knowing how I’m doing and how the interview went, not being able to support me or even hear how it turned out, he will end up going NUTS and it will finally become “real” for him.
And I’ll share my “shameful secret hope”: that I’ll come home tomorrow night and he’ll be sitting on my front steps with a ring and a dog. Haha! I don’t know if I mentioned that I *really* want a dog….
Somehow just getting that out and looking at my words on the screen is making me be able to laugh about it! I’m clearly in the Getting Back Together Fantasy stage of the breakup. My brain is playing all of these scenarios in my head, they just keep coming and I can’t stop them. LOL!
Post # 108
I just saw your post, you’re awesome! I love the quotes you shared too. Ha! This was clearly NOT the easy way out, and it helps just to hear over and over from women who’ve been there. I can’t believe you had to live with him for a month, what a disaster! You are right I am stronger than I think. I keep getting through another hour, then another day. I just noticed I’m crying less. Not that it’s bad to cry, it’s a good release. But I just noticed that less crying is occuring right now. Maybe it’s becuase I’ve been in public places all day…
Post # 109
I am thinking of you and letting you know I am rooting for you each and every day-and I hope you have a great interview tomorrow and a safe trip.
Post # 111
Ok so you’ve heard this over and over again but I would honestly not be handling this at like 1/2 of the strength you are. I would probably have had to stay home from my interview for fear of bursting into tears during it. You must have some amazing people in your life to lean on. Uber impressed woman! Uber impressed!
It breaks my heard to read all of your posts but I hope whether he decides to get his shit together or move on you realize that this massive brick wall might just be seen as 2 doors you had to choose between. This makes me think of the adage “Shit or get off the pot.” At least he got off the pot now and not later! God thats so unhelpful when your in breakup mode but it’s the best I can do 😉
Keep it up! Were all here for you!
Post # 112
I’m sending you hugs and best wishes as you start this new chapter of your life.
Post # 113
I missed a day on this thread and a few thoughts:
1. I totally agree his text was testing the boundaries and you were totally right to ignore.
2. So glad you took the idea and got “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken.” Greg is a genius!
3. You’re doing awesome!
4. We have so many intelligent and kind ladies on this board.
Post # 114
Oh that secret hope is completely and totally normal. I think we all fantasize about our exes (or crushes) coming to their senses, professing their love for us and whisking us off our feet. Sadly I’m not sure that happens very often! When I broke up with my ex-bf, I would imagine both slashing his tires as well as him coming back and begging. We’d broken up because he wouldn’t consider getting married since I wasn’t a virgin (of course, I had been until him so….yeah) and also, he cheated on me. I was done. He definitely came back three months later, hoping I’d take him back. I was already with my current Boyfriend or Best Friend and there was no way I was going back into that shit show. Time provides wonderful perspective and although I thought he was sweet and knew he cared for me, I realized he would never respect and love me the way I deserve. It’s been four years and he still tries to get in contact sometimes. We’ve hung out and honestly, it’s not a friendship worth maintaining. He’s awkward and weird.
Just make sure that you imagine other scenarios too. A new job/new place? Going out with your girls and flirting with cute boys. For me it was important that I imagine what it would be like if he didn’t show up with a ring in hand. (although, he did send me a facebook engagement ring a few months later. nice huh?) Also, I don’t know if this is your thing but consider joining a team sport rec league. For me, nothing is better than being aggressive and taking out my aggression on the field. Exercise is great in general, but there’s something about a competitve team sport that lets you really get it all out.
Post # 115
It is completely normal to be fantasizing that he will come back to you!
Remember to keep yourself busy, but allow time for you to be sad. You have to grieve as well. Maybe think, “I’ll be sad until 10 am, and then I’m busy for the rest of the day.” You dont want to postpone the grieving part, you do want to get it out of the way.
Also, one of my favorite quotes (whether you are religious or not) is “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” That you might want something so bad right now, but theres something even better out there for you.
My cousin dated a guy for 6 years who wouldn’t commit!! She had always wanted kids and found herself in her late 30s having wasted 6 years on him. Afterward she found her now husband, they have 2 beautiful children, and everything worked out. But just think if you had stayed with him waiting for 6 years!! You are moving on and I promise it will be for the best, no matter what happens!
Post # 116
I just wanted to chime in that you are doing great! You seem so strong and are handling this much better than I would. You always have such kind posts on the boards, so I know you deserve the best. Keep up the good work!
And I hope the interview went awesome!
Post # 117
Hey Break up Buddie! I hope you are feeling confident and had a great interview. I just got home from my interview…and I kicked some ass. Also just got a text from ex “how’d it go? I’ve been thinking positive thoughts for you all morning.” I’m not going to write back. But I really really want to. I feel like he still thinks he is in complete control of this situation even though I left. Grrr. Everyone is different but I’m thinking of going on a few dates. Obviously nothing crazy or serious. Not sure yet though if I can do that.
Post # 118
Hi DB – just want to drop a note to wish you well. I haven’t got much to say, but stay strong.
Post # 119
Hope your interview went well 🙂
I think you’re right that he needs to miss you before he realises that it’s real. Right now he might think that you’re just ‘on a break’ and that you’ll come back… I’m glad to hear you didn’t respond to his text. Don’t give him any power 🙂
You are handling this amazingly well!
Post # 120
How did the interview go?! Are you having fun on your “trip”? Update update! 🙂
Post # 121
Fwiw, I don’t think an ultimatum knee-jerk reaction from him is good either. You asked him a valid question, he answered, and you stood your ground, found he is not ready at this time for marriage and you broke up w/him. If he immediately shows up on your doorstep with a ring (and maybe a dog), I think it would be best if he was held off on any proposal without serious work and possibly seeing a counselor with him, as you would 100 percent want to know this is something he truly wanted, rather than did as a reaction to you breaking up with him.
Hopefully he will turn his thoughts inward right now, but imho, you should focus on you, NOT on what he is or is not doing or feeling with regard to your relationship. Focus on you right now!