(Closed) OMG!!! FI Wants to POSTPHONE Wedding… Am I Being Selfish?!?! NEED ADVICE

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is absurd.  You take each other for richer or poorer.  In the good or bad times. 

See a counsellor and try to hash out the real reason. Its ridiculous for him to want to postpone the wedding 3 months out.  Let alone the issue for your GUESTS who have already probably paid for their accomodations. 


Post # 18
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Southerncomfort:   Wow. 

Have you tried just saying, “NO, honey, we are not postponing our wedding.  We’re in this together and I will be your wife standing by your side forever.  You would do the same for me in the reverse circumstances!  You will break my heart completely if you back out of this now.  Please don’t do this to me, I love you!”

That’s what I would say. 

Edit:  My Fiance and I are Southern, too.  A Southern Gentleman would never break his lady’s heart that way.  If he’s a true gentleman he won’t really do this.

Post # 20
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with a counselor. While I agree with PPs that he is entitled to his opinion – you’re entitled to yours as well. This should be a joint decision (both about continuing with the wedding and about financial arangements afterwards). Your opinion counts just as much as his! You can’t force him to walk down the aisle but you can strongly argue that it is something that needs to be discussed by both of you, not mandated by him.

Because it sounds like this is all male ego. And a panicky reaction that I really hope he is willing to reconsider. And that’s okay, we’re all human and have our moments. I think it’s kind of nice that he wants to take care of you. But I think that you need to tell him that just because you’re making the money for a little while doesn’t mean that he isn’t taking care of you and being a good husband. And let him know how much it is going to hurt you if you have to postpone the wedding. Because I guarantee he doesn’t want to hurt you and probably hasn’t thought through how hard it woudl be on you and your family if you have to postpone.

Post # 21
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsArtsy:  Absolutely on the money! Men take that very seriously in the South. I have known of similar situations to happen to a few men in my family and they had a difficult time and said they felt like they were, “less than a man”. Please encourage him to see a counselor because inwardly he may be feeling a little depressed.

I wouldn’t go off just yet or tell anyone else. Give it a week or so and just talk about things. Try to reassure him in your eyes he is still a man/provider and remind him of how important he is to you and the things he brings to the table outside of finances. It would also help if you know of a male who has been in a similar situation who can reassure him things will get better. I don’t know why, but we can tell a guy something all day, but it’s not until another guy tells him it seems to *click*. It sounds like his family is crazy about him so if he has a one-on-one with your dad  hopefully your dad can ease his concerns.

Sending positive vibes your way and hope it all works out! 

Post # 23
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Southerncomfort:  But he wants to marry you, right?  So he won’t have resentment, and maybe he’ll even be relieved, if he’s just doing this because he feels it’s the “right” thing to do. 

If he feels resentful and that you’d be forcing him marry you it seems you have more serious issues than this. 

Calling off or postponing a wedding this far into planning is a seriously hurtful thing to do.  I would be heartbroken. 

What’s the difference going to be in the situation whether you’re married or not?  Are you suddenly going to have different circumstances just because you call off the wedding?  His reasoning doesn’t make a lot of sense.  (Unless this means he wants to break up altogether, that would be a big change.)

My gut feeling is he’s trying to do the right thing without realizing how hurtful it would be to you.  He seems to love you very much and I hope it works out.

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