(Closed) OMG, last night was close people.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014


As someone that just lost her father on May 18th, I think you should go. I think you both should go because if he unexpectedly declines again, you’ll need FI’s support. Mine was and has been my rock.

I knew my Daddy had cancer, but I never entertained the idea that he might not pull through. In fact, he beat the cancer, but got sepsis after surgery. One week he was fine and cheerful and looking forward to healing from the surgery and within 4 days he was on life support, within 4 more, we had to let him go.

I very much regret every minute I could have gone to spend time with him and chose to do something different or put my head in a hole in the sand under the guise of denial.

Post # 4
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I lost my dad 5 years ago, and it was completely unexpected. 

He died the Monday after Thanksgiving, and I have never been able to forgive myself that I wasn’t there for his last family holiday.  I was working in a hospital, and it’s hard to take holidays off, he was disappointed, but I told him “Don’t worry, I’ll be at Christmas”.  Well, I was there… He wasn’t.

Be with your father now. 

Someday, you may wish you’d spent more time with him– but I can promise you this: You will NEVER wish you’d spent less. 

Post # 5
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine how incredibly emotional and stressful this time is for you. I would go. Even if you can’t be there the whole time, you will at least have some time together. 

Post # 7
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Please go.  Spend as much time with him as possible.  I lost my Dad 5 years ago and have never forgiven myself for not visiting him in the hospital as much as I could because it was “too hard to see him like that.”  

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now and I’m sending positive thoughts your way.   

Post # 8
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s not easy. I lost my dad 8 years ago to cancer and I think short of losing a child or spouse, it’s one of the hardest things to have to go through. And I can only imagine it’s harder not being close by. Big hugs to you and I am sending prayers to you and your family.

Post # 9
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014


 Yes. May 18, 2012. The internet and my job are my only distractions right now because everyone in my family is grieving hard too. 

I am so sorry you are in this position and have to make this choice. I know how bad it hurts. I wish I could say something helpful. My Daddy’s death is still so raw for me that the only thing I can do is speak from my own heart and tell you of my own recent regrets.

I really feel  compelled to tell you to go. My Daddy was an ER nurse, his wife is a nurse and his stepson is a nurse. Nobody expected Daddy to not pull through. It was that fast.  

As juliette.eliza said, and truer words could not be spoken:

Someday, you may wish you’d spent more time with him– but I can promise you this: You will NEVER wish you’d spent less. 

Post # 10
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OP– my dad passed away November 7th last year…completely unexpected of a heart attack.

I so wish I could have spent more time with him before he passed–

Please, IF you can go see him….do so.

Post # 12
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is so sad, good thing you decided to go soon…Spent all the time needed with him..:)

Post # 13
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m glad you decided to go tomorrow. Even if your sisters could accurately predict when it’s time you have to remember that getting a flight can take time too! When my mom passed I knew it was time to go the night before, but couldn’t get a flight for 8 hours. By the time I got there she was unconscious and never regained consciousness. I’m praying for you and your family OP and I hope you get to spend just a bit more time with your father.

Post # 14
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsJoyful80:  oh my gosh…my father passed away on Nov. 7th last year too.

To OP: I say go. So what if you end up being there for a month. I would give anything right now to have a month with my father.

My dad had leukemia, and we thought he was beating it. Everything was going great and then he just went downhill fast. The Dr’s told him he only had a few weeks and he was trying to figure out how to tell us. He never got a chance to.

I wish every day I’d known he had such little amount of time. I’d have taken the time off work and spent every second with him.

Please go, like PP’s have said, you’ll never regret spending too much time with him.

I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.

Post # 15
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

@sienna76:  I’ve gone through two ‘fly home right now’ experiences since moving away from my family two years ago & I’m basically in limbo right now as my grandma is dying but with no real timeline.

Unfortunately there are real world considerations beyond “just go” — arranging travel, time off work, pet care, finances, even taking the time to travel itself. Don’t feel guilty for making sure everything is in place before you go, and don’t feel guilty about not dropping everything and leaving immediately. As sad as it is, life goes on around you while things are falling apart and it’s sometimes more difficult than just hopping on a plane.

I wish you luck in finding travel plans that work for you and your family — know that you’re doing all you can and that itself is meaningful.

Post # 16
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Please go and spend as much time with him as possible.  My dad died 2 years ago this past May.  He was ill, but the speed of his decline during his last 4 days still shocks me. He entered the hospital on a saturday with a bladder infection.  Sunday it went into his blood, monday I had to sign off all his medication, Tuesday he went into his “last phase” and died in the early morning hours on wednesday.  You really don’t know how fast it will hit and I am so happy I was able to be with him and he knew it.

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