Etiquette Snob here (comes with my career)
First and foremost… (( HUGS )) to you, because this does sound like you are quite stressed with all these changes. Understandable being the Maid/Matron of Honor. Let’s hope it calms down, and some clarity can be found in the days that come.
At this point, it is difficult to comment accurately.
More info would be helpful.
I would really like to know WHY the HUGE change in plans? (Change in Venue, 100 Less Guests)
Strictly from an Etiquette point of view.
Save The Dates are a relatively NEW item in the Wedding Stationery World.
And so there is a lot of confusion about what they are… or the role they serve (IMO too many people have jumped on the STD Bandwagon without recognizing the CONSEQUENCES of using them)
The are good for Destination Weddings… but as proved out by soooo many topics here on WBee they can cause many issues for Brides planning a more traditional Wedding
Particularly so as they are often sent out very very early in the process (in lieu of Engagement Announcements)… so that ultimately by the time things get more organized… one finds out that they’ve overshot their estimates with their enthusiastic distribution of Save-The-Date Cards
In reality, Save-The-Date Cards are merely an Announcement, Notification, or Head’s Up
They are NOT AN INVITE… so there is no real obligation that they have to be honoured
(Altho YES it can be awkward if one has overshot their abilities to host the Wedding they have been talking about / promoting)
So technically… your Girlfriend doesn’t have to do a thing. NO ONE is officially invited until they receive an Invite in hand.
BUT, I can see where this is going to be problematic because this isn’t just a handful of folks this is 100 People !!
I am not 100% sure how one would handle this… phone calls may be the best.
I know that from an Etiquette point of view… there is a process in place if a Wedding has had to make Changes, is Post-Poned, or Cancelled IF AFTER THE INVITES HAVE BEEN SENT OUT
In which case a mail-out is done, that gives that info.
Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Grant
announce that the marriage of
Mr. Christopher Bronner
will not take place
Mr. and Mrs. Scott Pierce
the marriage of their daughter
Mr Peter Norton
has been postponed
*NOTE – The above coming directly from the Post Institute of Etiquette and their book “Wedding Etiquette”
BUT as I say… this is for Weddings where the OFFICIALS INVITES are out.
Right now I’m not 100% sure what suggestion to make here, because I think more info on WHY the change might be insightful.
Hope this helps,
EDIT TO ADD – I started this reply about 20 minutes ago… so before the OP UPDATES. I will read some more before I comment again. (OP the more info you provide the easier it will be to make appropriate suggestions)