Post # 1
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
I had discussed with him early on that we wanted “a civil-type, non-religious ceremony”. Now I know he is VERY religous and he is friends with my aunt so I didn’t want to come out and say we don’t believe in god so don’t mention god but I thought he got my point. I kinda blamed it on mixed beliefs in our families, which is true and told him if it would comprimise his beliefs he shouldn’t feel pressured to do it. He said, “I’ve done every kind of wedding, it’s fine”. So lately I had been e-mailing him with rehearsal dates and such and he offered a prayer before dinner. So I responded w/ this:
Hi there,
I am glad to hear you and your wife will be attending.
The rehearsal will be (date, time, location) We will be meeting right outside the zoo’s main entrance. The dinner afterward will be at ______ I can provide directions if you need them.
I have been looking at some wording for the ceremony as well as songs. I will make sure to have all the decisions finalized before our meeting. We really appreciate your offer of a prayer but we would like to keep the day non-religious given our family diversity.
Thank You!
my name
He respnds:
The prayer at the reception is really a matter of personal preference, and not having one is not a problem. But I I’m wondering if your comment about keeping the day “non-religious” applies to the ceremony as well. As an ordained Christian minister, the terms of my credentials and my personal faith prevent me from ‘secularizing’ the ceremony simply to avoid offending someone who may be in attendance.
Please be assured that I am committed to performing your ceremony; but you’ll have to let me know if you can agree with the terms of what I said above about not “secularizing” the wedding. Please let me know how you feel about this. I am sure we can arrange a service that will be a blessing for everyone.
So now I have no officiant unless I have a christian ceremony which we don’t agree with? It’s 6 weeks away! Everyone I’ve contacted is booked. What do I do?
Post # 3
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Are you not wanting to mention God at all???
From what he wrote, it doesn’t come across to me that he quit. He just wants to have God in the ceremony somewhere. I am sure you could work something out with him, if you two talked it out.
Post # 4
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
Well, we don’t want anything religious and I thought we had agreed on that. So, I have to have a religious ceremony or find someone else…right?
Post # 5
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If you want to omit everything religious from the ceremony, then yes, that is what it looks like. However, if you are fine with some, then it looks like he is willing to compormise.
Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
I’m sorry but I can’t blame him. You want a non-religious event, and he’s a minister. I don’t see why he should have to compromise since he’s doing what he’s meant to do, I would find a justice of the peace or just go to the courthouse for something like this.
Post # 7
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
I agree, it sounds like if you are wanting to ommit everything religious in the ceremony, then really you don’t need an actual minister, you could hire a justice of the peace to do it. If you don’t believe in God, you don’t need a member of God’s religious workers to do the ceremony. I would just do it by the right of a civil ceremony. Unless you are close to this specific person, then I could understand your reasoning behind wanting him to do it.
Post # 8
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
We would like him to omit anything religious. Neither, FH or I were raised with it, and I know it’s not common so it’s hard for people to understand. Any experience we HAVE had has been negative but we respect all religions and would never judge. I guess I could compare it to being Catholic and having a Rabbi officiate and not say “jesus”and not do communion. I don’t think someone would be okay with that. Also, I just feel misled. IDK, I’m just confused and shocked right now.
Post # 9
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
He cannot be faulted for sticking to his beliefs, just as it’s fair for you to stick to yours. You asked a Christian minister to perform a non-religious ceremony. I think he was justified in his response.
We have some varying degrees of Christianity in our families as well; we hired a non-denominational minister who does both secular and spiritual ceremonies. Is there someone like this in your area?
Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
If you ask a minister to officiate, it seems kind’ve unnatural to not have or expect a spiritual undertone in the service. I also feel like it puts the minister in an awkward position to have to set aside his beliefs because you don’t agree with them. Isn’t there someone more neutral you can find to officiate? After all, this guy devotes his life to god… he can’t pretend he doesn’t for two hours.
Post # 11
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
JOP will only do it at the courthouse in our county. They will not travel. I will double check this though. I just feel like he should not have agreed to do it in the first place. I thought I was very clear. I even said we were going to have a friend do it but he was very religious and we did not want him to comprimise his beliefs by omitting the religious part. And that’s when he said he’s done all sorts of weddings….
Post # 12
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
You could always get one of your friends or relatives to get ordained online. Then they could perform the ceremony to your specifications.
Post # 13
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
In my research, an ordained minister is the only one legally allowed to perform a marraige ceremony unless it is the mayor of the city you are getting married in or a judge. I guess I’m wrong? Or JOP but you need to be at the courthouse.
Post # 14
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
@noritake- we were going to do that but we were confused as to if this was actually legal. And I’m not sure how long it takes…
Just so everyone knows, I’m feel like I’m constantly self-concious about not being religious. I swear I’m a nice person with values and morals. My friends never question this but i feel really weird telling people who don’t know me.
Post # 15
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
The someone can get ordained online in just a couple of minutes. There are some stipulations that vary by state, so look those up online for your county. If you have to, call the clerk at the courthouse. They will know what you need to do. Where I live, the person performing the ceremony just has to be ordained and they have to sign the marraige certificate and file it with the county. The ceremony can be held in any county that the person is ordained in.
Post # 16
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper