(Closed) Omgosh I am going to SCREAM! *FMIL issues!!!*

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That’s hard, espeically if you get bambarded with questions from the guests about being invited to the wedding. 

Post # 4
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

No!  Can she uninvite people before they see it?

Post # 5
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

All of this is going to look bad on her, not you. I would just go along with it to keep the peace. 

Post # 7
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Just so you know…

“Social” Showers where Guests come together from another source are something that is a custom in some regions (Church Ladies – Co-Workers – Social Clubs that the Bride may belong to etc).  In these cases, it is not necessary that the Guests be attending the Wedding (and most of them are quite aware of that… they are just coming together to give the Bride their Best Wishes)

So WHEN the shower was to be that, then your Future Mother-In-Law was within the parameters you gave her to work with (very generous of you by the way to give her a chance, to mend the fence)

BUT when she went beyond those parameters to create a Guest List (gosh Facebook Pals… Really?)

Then she crossed an important boundary…

You need to tell her this Shower is now out of hand… by her doing.  And you have decided that it is an “embarrassment” to you, so you will have NOTHING to do with it.  You will be opting out and not attending !!

Then take refuge with your Mother, who seems to have her crap together, and an understanding of Wedding Etiquette.  Your Mother can Host whomever she wishes at the Shower she is throwing for you (Invites are out already… all the better… “Sorry but the plans are now done”)

If you feel you can’t tell your Future Mother-In-Law exactly how you feel… or if you need back-up bring your Fiance (her son) along for support.  His mother screwed up here big time, and she needs to be told so.

(( HUGS ))

PS… I wish you much luck in the future, this women is going to be a PITA / Pill as a Mother-In-Law.  I have a feeling that the family DRAMA (maybe even Wedding Drama) is just beginning for you.


Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Thanks for the UPDATE (Reply # 8)

Sounds like a decent compromise… (lol, sadly… I don’t think I could be as patient as you)… although from a strictly etiquette point of view, you have now called her out / embarassed her publicly by sending that note… BUT times are bat-sh!t crazy and it would be hard to find another solution to be sure where the Shower could go forward at all.

I think you’ve done the best you can considering the circumstances and family drama.  So BIG (( HUGS )) to you.

I hope you’ll share with us more info after all is said & done, I’m curious how this all comes out in the long run.




Post # 11
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mandigrl04:  I think you made the right decsions. I wish you luck and look forward to seeing how it all turns out. 

Post # 12
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

so glad my hubby is one of six and the last to get married. by then no one really cared so much and there was no fuss at all!! hope you can sort this out she is being terribly childish and you do need to say something to her!!

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