(Closed) On a scale of 1 to 10, how tacky is this?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: On a scale of 1 to 10, how tacky is this REALLY?

    1 - The LEAST tacky

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  • Post # 92
    Member
    2437 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @CarolinaCola:  in my area this is common practice. (to include the inserts).

    Post # 93
    Member
    14016 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’m not “offended” but would never do it myself. Frankly, the registry itself  or anything that is meant to solicit presents is frowned on as far as traditional etiquette is concerned.  Putting the info right in the invitation as opposed to allowing people  to inquire for themselves is IMO worse, and something with which  even the most relaxed etiquette sources agree.

    By The Way, I don’t  object to the word tacky in and if itself as long as it’s not used to describe a person herself or himself. All it means is something that goes against commonly held standards of good taste.  Which is what most OPs are soliciting advice on in the first place!  

    Post # 94
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    @CarolinaCola:  I do not find it tacky at all. I’m not used to registries, they are not done here. If you didn’t send any further information, I would simply assume you want cash. I would certainly not call your mother or aunt to try to know if you registered somewhere. If you sent me the information on a card, I’d know right away and don’t have the burden of trying to guess what you want and where it’s registered. I think the idea is to keep things simple for your guests and provide all the information they need in the same envelope.

    The website/blog is a great idea. It’s discreet, it allows you to have a more simple and formal invite, and you can put the registry information and accomodations online. 

    Post # 95
    Member
    14016 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    The notion that it is a burden on the guest NOT to tell them what you want them to buy is just so completely upside down.  A gift is something that is supposed to be voluntary and chosen by the giver with the recipient in mind.  Some people even put effort into selecting  something that they think the couple might like. Imagine that!  

    It is always voluntary whether or not to shop from the registry, if there is one.   A couple who has no registry or no obvious link to one is NOT saying “give me cash.”  That is etiquette turned not only upside down, but  sideways.   What they are saying is, I think it is rude to solicit gifts from my guests.  

    Post # 96
    Member
    2453 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    @hermom:  I meant it more as a joke than anything, but I feel like you put a new spin on it.  So if they don’t include registry info, I’m supposed to ask around for it and then buy off the registry anyways?  It’s penalizing the couple for me to buy them a gift not from their registry they didn’t telL me about?  So… What was the point of not including registry info in the first place?

    ETA: I also distinctly renember writing that I would buy whatever I found appropriate.  This is very different than buying whatever I find.  One if a gift I give with good intentions, even if it’s not exactly what the couple asked for (and thus, despite my well wishes, may be something they don’t necessarily want).  The other is something i would find on a clearance rack at Target.

    Post # 97
    Member
    1832 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @Apple_Blossom:  you know, I think I was probably a little cranky when I wrote my last post and I apologize.  Maybe a bit too much Christmas busy?

    You did say you would buy something appropriate.  The point of not including the registry information in the invitation is so that you aren’t asking for gifts.  The point of the registry is so the couple can point people in the direction of what they need and not get 11 chartreuse bath towels and 3 toasters.

    My much older sister refuses to shop off of registries and finds them offensive. I personally think it is just a control thing (NO ONE is going to tell her what to buy), but she refuses.  If I am buying a couple a gift, I ALWAYS shop from their registry and hope to find something that might have quite a life to it so they have it for a long time.  My sister and I have “chatted” i.e. argued about this many times.

    My BFF’s DD was married last month.  She had 32 guests at her shower and 200 at her wedding and I was stunned to see (and later hear) that about 95% of the registry went unfulfilled.  While there is nothing really wrong with that, I was kind of sad for her as they are just starting out with nothing and now they have a lot of mismatched stuff.

    A well thought out gift is always appropriate and it doesn’t have to come from the registry, but I still feel it is very ill-mannered to include registry information in the invitaitons.

    Post # 98
    Member
    14016 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

     There’s no “penalty” in getting a gift that is hand selected rather than from a registry. That’s just another version of entitlement mentality.  Brides who don’t demand gifts of their guests put their money where their mouth is in that respect and are genuinely appreciative for whatever  they might receive.  

    As the guest I will either give something I know the couple wants, get something that can easily be returned or give a check. As a host, I am not concerned with greed or  profit, I am concerned with throwing the affair I can afford, and being considerate of my guests and asking only that they let me know they are attending. 

    Post # 99
    Member
    4298 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’ve seen it included in the wedding shower invitations, but honestly, it isn’t as though you are placing a card in there that is DEMANDING people purchase gifts from a specific store, it is simply for those who may not have gone to the shower, may have forgotten, etc. I say go for it and I actually think it is kind of a good idea.

    Post # 100
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    People who want registry info just ask directly.  I wouldn’t include one.

    Post # 101
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I find it INCREDIBLY rude, but so many people do it now that we are in the minority. I have seen cards included with a link to the couple’s website, which includes registry information. I find this much less offensive, but still a little obvious. 

    I don’t care if this is bad..but when I see that I do not buy the coupe anything from the registry. I always buy a nice traditional gift, but I ignore the registry.  

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