(Closed) On again, off again engagement

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7457 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

No, it’s not normal. I think it’s time to move on.

Post # 4
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

It’s normal to feel what you’re feeling but hun… he broke off the engagement TWICE. Maybe you need a fresh start?

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Personally, I don’t think it’s normal for an engagement to on and off in a short space of time – but I’m sure there are others that have gone through it.

I think just have a very serious conversation with him – tell him how upsetting it is to be engaged, then not engaged, over and over, because it makes you feel unsure and unsafe in this relationship. If he’s not willing to listen, or if you think this is going to be an ongoing pattern for many months, then just leave.

If you do still want to stay with him, I think call off the engagement (upsetting, I know, but at least then it’s off the table), and say that you want to just be in a relationship with no pressure at all for, say, a year and see how things go. Forget all about being engaged, and just get the basics of a relationship working. If you still don’t want to be together after the pressure-free trial period, then you really need to walk away.

Post # 6
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with the others its time to move on..think about it if you were married is he going to do the samething on an off marriage you need a stable relationship.

Post # 7
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@LadyElva:  +1000

I definitely agree that you should call off the engagement for good this time, give it a certain amount of time (like, a WHILE…I would personally do 1 or 2 years) & see how you feel then

Post # 8
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@LadyElva:  +1

Being engaged can put a lot of pressure on a relationship that’s otherwise got issues. Sometimes reducing the pressure gives you space to work things out.

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s not good. If he can’t handle the relationship now, how is he going to handle your marriage when things get rough? It’s better to leave him now than to be left when you’re married and/or have kids. 

Post # 10
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

He changes his mind before he marries you. What happens after? Does he ask for a divorce twice a year?

Because my Dad is like that to my Mom, and that poor woman is literally incapable of caring or feeling emotion any more. 26 years married, he’s left and come back 15 times, and she just can’t care any more!

Post # 11
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your feelings = normal.  His behaviour = not normal.  Not ever is it cool to “take back” an engagement whenever you feel like.  Short of you cheating on him or him having an actual legitimate reason to do so, he’s just being a manipulative ass.  You don’t need that crap, find someone who means it when they say I love you.

You don’t get to take back the ring every time you have an argument, and you don’t get to use an engagement as a means to hurt someone whenever you’re pissed off. That’s not what love is, he’s a boy, not a man.

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@jessicawv:  What did you decide to do? 

Post # 14
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

To me it feels like ending an engagement is a relationship-ending move.  I’m fine with postponing a wedding so that an engagement is longer or even maybe doesn’t have a definite ending point specified, but to just end the engagement it feels like they don’t want the relationship to me.

Post # 15
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s not normal.

On and off relationships don’t work in my opinion. There is a reason for doing such then there is no point in continuing the relationship in hopes it gets better. The line between working hard to stay together and giving up had been broken.

Post # 16
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

You’ve been down in the dumps over your mom and your miscarriage, he’s making matters worse by breaking off the engagement TWICE.  Time to think about yourself and be happy. Time to move on and do so.  

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