(Closed) On again, off again “guest”

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Go ahead and invite them (both).  Four years is a long time, even off again, on again :o)  I mean, you have to figure, even if they were "off" for the MAJORITY of four years, their time together probably adds up to more than six months "on"!  And sure, you can’t really say whether they will be together by the time your wedding rolls around, however, you don’t know that they WON’T be together either, and one can hope they’ll RSVP appropriately.  I think they’ll both feel slighted if they are together when they get the invite and she isn’t invited.  So if you go that route, know that you risk your guy friend not coming either. 

Post # 4
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would put her name on the invite. If she sees it and it says "and guest" you might make them break up again! LOL I wouldn’t send her a separate invite though, because if they’re broken up there is no reason for her to be there.

Post # 5
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Provided you’re friends with him and not so much with her (that’s what your post implies, at least), I would only put his name on the invitation and tell him that he can bring a guest. If it ends up being her, that’s great, if not, he can choose someone else to bring. It’s not that she’s not invited to the wedding, but it gives him the choice of inviting her, rather than you saying that she’s automatically invited.

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We have a friend like too.  I called him and told him he was welcome to bring a guest, and asked if he had a particular guest whose name he wanted included on the invitation.  He said to put her name, so I guess now it’s his dilemma – if they’re not together, he’ll have to come by himself or hide the envelope from whoever else he invites! 

Post # 7
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I agree with pp. Call said friend and ask how he would like his invite addressed to.

Post # 8
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I like suzanno’s take on it:)

Post # 10
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

How timely!  We have a friend who also has a somewhat rocky relationship.  When we drafted the list initially, they were off, so she didn’t make the cut.  Now they’re back on and we had to make room for some unexpected family friends (we’re glad they’re coming, but we weren’t counting on them to actually show).  In any case, we had to gently explain to her that we’re at our max for the venue, which we are, and we won’t know about any open spots on the guest list until the RSVPs start coming back.  Thankfully, she’s been very cool about the whole thing and completely understands, given the timing of events. 

For your situation, suzanno, one again, has some great advice! 

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