(Closed) On being a plus size bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think you need to try it on and see for real what it looks like. It may not be as bad as you think and you are always your own worst critic, espcially if you are already self concious about it! But in the end, if you want to stay friends with this woman, if she decideds THIS is the dress she wants, suck it up, it is only a few hours. And honestly, not that many people are looking at you anyway! I totally think brides need to be considerate of their bridesmaids but I think when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you have to realize the day is about your friend and hopefully you are close enough to be okay with just dealing with a dress that you don’t particularly like.

Post # 4
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

As a friend, I would wear the dress and deal with it. If it is that much of a problem for you maybe you should graciously step out of the wedding. If she is having other issues about the wedding I wouldn’t want to trouble her with body issues. By the way the dress is gorgeous, especially in black! I’m sure you’d look great in it when you try it on.  Unfortunately though by agreeing to be in the wedding you did agree to wear a dress, that she picks.

Post # 5
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ditto the others. Try it you never know… and you should let her see you in it too, so if she says she’s happy with it, then suck it up, or she might see it not suiting you and work with something else.

Post # 6
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@HolyVowels: From what you said, I was expecting something pretty awful, but honestly that looks like it would look fine in the right size with the right underwear. I think it’s worth trying it on to see how it looks, but I wouldn’t stamp your feet too much about it.

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it would depend. I’d like to think most of my friends who’d ask me to be in their wedding would consider how I feel about my weight and how I look in dresses. I have tried my best to do the same thing you have with my BMs – I said, here is the color. What fabric do you guys like? What style/length do you guys like? It just so happened that they all liked the same dress, so that’s what they got. However, it wasn’t because of me saying they HAD to. They range from a size 0/2 to a size 18. I myself am a size 20-ish.

 If I was COMPLETELY uncomfortable with how I looked, I can’t say that I wouldn’t tell the bride, “I love you, but I’m sorry I cannot wear that.” Again, it would depend on the friendship and how accomodating the bride is. But I do think there is a certain point I would reach if they weren’t open to different styles.

ETA: I would definitely at least try on the dress first, with her present. Most friends don’t want others to look or feel like crap in a dress. But you don’t know that you’ll look bad! The dress isn’t so bad.

ETA2: Maybe they can also add a bit of extra fabric to the length if that’s a possible hang-up or could make it look worse. I know I would ask for a bit more length and pay the premium for it in that dress. I hate my legs.

Post # 8
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

As a plus sized woman myself who carries considerable weight in the midsection, I shudder at the thought of having to wear that dress and being extensively photographed. A few years ago, I had to wear a pretty unflattering dress when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. And I was also the biggest girl of the group. I felt terrible and like the “fat bridesmaid.” It sucked, but it was the dress that my friend picked and everyone else seemed happy with it, so I sucked it up and wore it. I didn’t love it, but I did it. I think it would be the best idea for you to do the same. But I definitely sympathize with you.

ETA: I should add, that dress is beautiful, and if I was a size 6 or so, I’d love to wear it. But, like you said, just because dresses go up to size 30, doesn’t mean they should. 

Post # 9
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you need to try it on, preferably with the bride there to see it. If SHE is comfortable with how you look in it, then I think it’s your job as a bridesmaid to just grin and wear it. I’m sure if it looks horrible though, that she’ll find another option for you!

Post # 10
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry you’re feeling so uncomfortable with the dress style, but I agree, until you try it on, you can’t say for certain how it’s going to look.  Ultimately, whilst you may not like the way you look in the dress, no one else will probably notice the ‘imperfections’ you see.   Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are just a hard thing to find that are going to fit perfectly and make everyone happy.  I have worn many a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that I thought looked horrible on me but it wasn’t really my place to say ‘hey, I hate this dress!’  If the bride liked the way I looked in it, well that was fine because ultimately, it was her wedding pictures and she is the one that is going to have to look at them for the rest of her life.  

I would honestly just let it go and wear the dress.  Everyone knows that unless it is a mismatching bridal party, the bride always picks the dress so it’s not really a reflection on you.  

Post # 12
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Okay, I’m going to say that I agree with you, OP.  This is because I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and, while I’ve not liked the dress every time, the WORST is thinking that you might have some sort of wardorbe malfunction.  After being sewn into the dress for my sister’s wedding, I could not wait to get out of it.  I have a good sense of humour, but it was difficult to not cry when I have friends and family making crass jokes and am sewing myself AGAIN into the dress (through a strapless bra) in the bathroom right before I have to MC the damn reception. Everything was awkward; from the photos to actually being able to perform normal bridesmaid duties (how can you adjust the train when bending over is NOT a good idea?).  My sister had the best intentions…but yeah.    

So, try the dress on.  If this is just a case of “I wouldn’t buy this for myself” and it’s not the most flattering, then suck it up.  However, if this is a case of “It doesn’t matter what underwear I buy or what I do, this is going to be a shit-show” then show it to her and explain. She should understand.  

Post # 13
Member
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@HolyVowels: I’m also plus size and I’ve worn BMs dresses that I felt were less than flatterning, but they were very dear friends. Before saying anything more to the bride, you should try the dress on. You could also talk to the bride about whether or not she’d be ok with you wearing a shrug/bolero/wrap for some additional modesty.

Post # 14
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Try it, but have an honest conversation with her once you’ve tried it on if you’re horrendously uncomfortable. It may actually work ok. I’m close to 200 (and thick-waisted) and have a very similar dress that looks kickass on me.

Post # 15
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am with you op, I totally get where you are coming from.  I would still see if you can try on the dress.  You might be surprised!  I would try it on with the bride and see what she thinks since it is her wedding. After what sad is done, it is her wedding.  You may have to wear it no matter what.

Post # 16
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

thats the dress I picked for my bridesmaids!!! and I can tell you I have size 0-18BMs and they all look GREAT! it looks amazing on, I think you should wait till you try it on and you will be surprised! it looks gorgeous on! 🙂

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