(Closed) On my own when pregnant?

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
3056 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Having a baby on the way is very stressful. It sounds like your husband is overwhelmed. Stress at work, a sick mom, and a baby on the way. I think you need to support him. 

On a side note if he never made dinner to begin with it was unrealistic to assume he would start now.

Post # 3
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee

I think you both should seek out counseling. It sounds like he has some stressful things going on especially with his mom but that doesn’t make it okay for him to take it out on you. I would make a counseling appt so you both can go over constructive ways to handle the stress and support one another. He should recognize all that you do and also the large work load you have. It sounds like things in your house are not fairly delegated evenly with you handling most if not all. That’s another thing that clearly needs to change with some intervention. 

Otherwise, if he refuses and continues to treat you poorly, I would go stay with some relatives while you examine where to go from here. It’s not right to treat you poorly even with an ill family member in the picture and it isn’t good for your pregnancy. 

Post # 5
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
cameobride : It doesn’t sound like she was assuming he would make dinner. I think that’s why she’s so confused by him bringing it up, and why she said he has cooked for her about 10 times in 10 years: she wasn’t expecting him to make dinner for her, because she always does it.

ETA: how do you suggest she support him?

Read the first two sentences — what else can she do? How do you support someone who can’t give you a straight answer, isn’t making sense, and is acting erratically?

Post # 6
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
v123a :  Being on your own when pregnant is preferable to being someone’s punching bag.

He’s not taking out his frustrations just on you, he’s also taking out his frustrations on the fetus. That’s not ok.  It can’t be brushed off, especially with how stressed you are already. His grief and frustrations at work do not come before your health and the life of your child.

If he leaves, let him. It may hurt, but a weight will be lifted off your shoulders, because you won’t be living with an unpredictable, unreasonable man. You don’t need him, and neither does your child.

Post # 7
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

Have an honest conversation with him, point out his behaviour, and ask if there is anything you can do to help. BUT make sure you’re advocating for yourself, too. 

If he snaps at you or ignores you, go and stay with a friend or family member. Let him know that when he’s ready to talk he can let you know, but until the attitude ceases you are your baby will be staying with Jane. 

Sounds like there is a lot going on at the moment for both of you, but you really need to sort your communication out. It will only get harder when baby is here and neither of you are sleeping. 

Post # 8
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Sometimes when there’s a stresful situation or something, Fiance will somewhat take it out on me (snap at me or get a little angry for something stupid). I think the best way to deal with it, is not to try to defend yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. If he does it, just tell him that there’s no reason to be angry about X, that you know he is stressed but that’s not a reason to take it on you. If you try to defend yourself, it makes it look that he is somewhat right to snap at you. No he isn’t. If he’s stressed or angry, he can go calm down in another room, not on you.

Counseling is of course also a good idea…

(just saying, I have a great relationship with Fiance, but nobody’s perfect 🙂 )

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

If he’s not going to agree to counseling then I think you need to have a serious back up plan. His mom will die and you’ll have a new, screaming, crying baby in the house- you won’t be able to clean or cook. This is a trainwreck, I’m sorry! Please have a plan, friends and family to come help you. Don’t count on him being there. Importantly don’t hide the current situation from friends&family, they will help more than ever if they know what’s going on! They will also have the best ideas on how to handle things. You are not alone.

Post # 10
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I say this with love and kindness but I really think you need counselling. Your posting history is concerning and I think you need some proper help. Please seek out a therapist, you need to look after yourself. 

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