- 7 years ago
I’m having a tough time on this Mothers Day. My history with my mother is very difficult. She wasn’t a bad mom, per say. She didn’t do drugs or beat me or anything that was horribly awful. And yet, I still don’t feel this close connection to her. I have yet to wish her a happy mothers day today which is pretty terrible. We have never been best friends and I have a hard time feeling really loving towards her or feeling like I should call her or make chit chat with her.
Mainly what this stems from is my parents divorced when I was a month old. I never had 2 parents and my mother raised me, my older brother and older sister on her own. My dad was a pretty crappy father but was paying maximum child support to Money = Love.
My mother is extremely non-confrontational and a much quieter person then I. She was never a disciplinarian and I was told No rarely. I didn’t do much in way of chores and I came home when I felt like it and left when I felt like it. Beyond all of that I was always on the A or B honor roll and I played 2 sports and was a wrestling manager. I have an often times difficult personality to work with and so my mother and I were never best friends. We clash in so many ways and she always feels like I’m trying to make her into the push over. She’s not wrong.
I am often jealous when I see girls shopping with their mothers in the mall or going to dinner with them. I rarely speak to my mother on the phone or see her. I always felt as if she was never on my side and constantly trying to make me the bad guy in situations I would find myself in. I have depression as well as she and it made living with her even more difficult.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that were not close, we will never be best friends and I don’t feel obligated to be close to her. But yet, I still feel bad on days like today. I feel like I’m “supposed” to be really close to her and go to her with every little thing but yet I don’t want to. She’s not supportive and it really hurts.
Am I a really horrible person because my mother and I aren’t close? Does it make me an even worse person because I don’t fawn over her on days like today or call her constantly to tell her about my life? I feel like I’m indifferent to her and that makes me sad but yet were so different I wouldn’t know how to spend a lot of time with her. Does anyone else have a tough time feeling like society says your mom should be your best friend but you don’t really have that kind of relationship?
P.S. Please don’t turn this into a “your a crappy daughter” thread. I am still navigating how to have a relationship with my mother and I know that I don’t always do the best thing or the most right thing. I’m looking for some advice on how to create a decent relationship with your mother even though your not close.