(Closed) On the fence about firing a BM-HELP!!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I usually don’t think “firing” is needed. Send her an email with the dress information, dates of showers, etc, . If she doesn’t get the dress then it solves the problem, if she doesn’t show up, it really won’t take away from your day. Don’t exhaust yourself chasing after this girl. I wouldn’t “fire” her though because that would ruin any chance of being friends after the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Just fire her.

In a nice way–i.e., “you seem like you’ve got a lot going on in your life, and I don’t want to add more stress to what you’ve got going on,” etc. Frame it as though you’re doing her a favor; don’t talk any more about how she is hurting your feelings. Truthfully it really sounds as though she ISN’T into it, so I suspect she’ll be relieved and then both of you can relax.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t see any reason to fire her – in my opinion, it doesn’t make any sense when you ask someone you KNOW can be a bit self-centered to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and are then surprised when they continue to be kind of self-centered. No one’s personality is going to change just because they are your Bridesmaid or Best Man. It’s great that some of your BMs have been going dress shopping with you, but being a bridesmaid really doesn’t require her to do those things. Don’t expect her to do anything other than show up the day of with a smile and the right dress on – if she does anything extra it’s a nice surprise, and if she doesn’t you won’t be disappointed.

Despite the fact that you have some kinda mean things to say about her, it sounds like you’ve been friends for a long time, and I think you need to realize that firing her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is most likely a friendship-ending move, particularly when she really hasn’t done anything wrong. If she was saying nasty snarky things about the groom/wedding or refusing to get the dress or something I’d understand…but not being all about your wedding that is seven months away is a horrible reason to make her not a Bridesmaid or Best Man – it’s pretty rare for anyone other than the bride and groom and their parents to be really excited about it when it’s that far away. I know for the bride seven months seems so close, but for those not actually getting married it’s still pretty far away. Let it go, don’t waste your time being unhappy over something this minor.

Post # 6
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s a bad sign that you were on the fence in the first place, that generally never works out well. If you don’t think she’ll step up and be a supportive bridesmaid, then I say ask her to step down. Just be aware that if you ask her to step down you’ll probably be ending your friendship as well.

 

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TraditionalGirl12: I definitely didn’t mean you should be ordering her dress for her, she definitely needs to at the minimum be looking at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses with you guys and ordering her dress! But I wouldn’t worry about that too much yet, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses don’t take anywhere near as long to come in as wedding dresses do.

But when you say you expected more from her…well, the first thing you is that she is vain and self-centered, so like I said, I think you’re setting your expectations too high considering what you already know about her. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who didn’t get too into the wedding stuff, but it was important to me that she be there with me the day of the wedding, so I just didn’t worry about involving her in the planning aspects so long as she ordered and got the dress, and was there the day of the wedding excited for me and standing up there with me during the ceremony. If you want to continue this friendship, that’s what I’d recommend you do as well. If you don’t care about continuing the friendship, then I think you already have your answer.

Post # 12
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had a friend who was not excited or happy for me. I friend dumped her gradually cutting her out of my life. I don’t have time to stress over people like that. I agree no “firing” is needed. Give her the opportunity to fir herself.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Like a PP said, make it seem like you are doing her a favor and let her down easy. Hopefully that way you can pick a different Bridesmaid or Best Man and still keep your friendship in tact.

Post # 14
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Listen to your instincts. I had several issues with one my bridesmaids. At first I thought I was being a little sensitive to things but seriously it was issue after issue with her. She was the only stress during my wedding planning but I was going to let it slide because I didn’t want it to ruin or friendship. then she did something absolutely ridiculous which caused a fight and her to be fired. Follow your gut feeling as it is normally right!

Post # 15
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ll be frank….I started writing something very nice and then noticed you on a different board….

Get over it.

Your wedding is not something that needs to dictate others’ lives. I’ve had people tell me that I am not required to do anything as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but show up in a dress.

And you have a wedding planner so why do you even need your bridesmaids to do the work? You’re already paying someone else to do that… IMO you sound like a bridezilla and if you read other posts you’ve made, you sound like a Bridezilla.

You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill with this and on your way to destroying a friendship.  Instead of enjoying the fact that you’re about to be MARRIED, you’re focusing on WEDDING planning and how much of an HONOR it is to be involved. Calm down, girl! Recenter yourself and you’ll see where your head should be.

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