Post # 1
I’ve been married for 7 months and have 2 stepsons who live with us full time (7 and 8 years old). I can’t say that I’ve ever felt a strong urge to have a child (out of my uterus, but ok with adoption). My Darling Husband and I are both 32 years old and adjusting to married life, living together and raising these two boys. I’m just confused on whether we should have a child of our own. I’m concerned with gaining weight, not getting to workout, loss of sleep, actually giving birth and recovery, dividing my attention further to another person, the age gap between the boys and the new baby. I know there are many positives to having a child and watching it grow. Seeing the boys with a little brother or sister and seeing Darling Husband love on something we created together. Just pertrified at this point and Darling Husband has pretty much said he’s good either way. Any thoughts?
I’d appreciate your input.
Post # 3
I don’t have a whole lot to say to this post except that bringing another life into this world is worth far more than staying thin and getting sleep. I don’t have children yet but would give just about anything in this world to have one.
Post # 4
You don’t have to decide now. You still have time. A child is a gift and a blessing, so if you know you are too scared and you feel like you will be giving up things you like then don’t go through with it right now. Be a good step mom to those boys for now 🙂
Post # 5
I am getting married in August. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and actually have a 2 year old daughter. I can honestly say, there is nothing more rewarding than being a mommy. I also will have a stepson. We currently get him everyother weekend. He is 5 years older than my daughter. He is very good with her. Although, I love him dearly and treat him as my own. Being pregnant, birth, the 1st time you hold your baby is like nothing else. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am 27 now, and wonder all the time whether to have another child after the wedding. Your body will change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work out and get it back into shape. I weighed less after having my daughter than I did before I got pregnant. Your lifestlye will change, but I still participate in things I have been doing for years. It’s all about balance. And if you have a good support system, then it will be ok.
But you have time to think about it. I hope this helps! Good luck!
Post # 6
I don’t want to think too long and then be an OLD HEN! Just kidding, but the age gap between the kids will only widen. These silly boys are rubbing my belly and praying at night for a little sister. It’s very hilarious… and they are sincere. I see the good and bad. Appreciate your comments and would love to hear more…
Post # 7
It sounds to me like the cons outweigh the pros for you. Some women just don’t have the urge to have babies, and that’s perfectly fine. Ultimately, it’s a decision that only you and your Darling Husband can make.
Post # 8
For me, every time I hear a screaming child at a mall, on a plane, in a store, etc, I can’t help but think how glad I am that I don’t have children. A parent is going to have a different perspective on this. I think it just comes down to whether or not you want to have kids. I personally never want children, so of course I’m going to think the cons outweight the pros. Someone who wants children, is going to say the opposite.
Post # 9
@hecallsmelove: Honestly I wouldn’t wait to long I say this due to my BIL/SIL have a 17 yr old (hers by differ relationship) and then they have together now a 3 yr old and 8 month old. I feel bad for the 17 yr old, he is more like a father figure to the younger siblings than an actual brother. I know also especially with next year moving away for school he feels like they have left him out to dry and the others are there own little family without him in the picture.
Post # 10
@housebee: Every time I see a child that is more of a handful than my youngest stepson, I cringe. I love children, I always have. I do really well with them and they like me a lot. I just don’t know if I need the experience of giving birth to my own. Maybe God knew that and blessed me with these stepsons instead.
Post # 11
@hecallsmelove: You sound like me.. focusing on the negatives of having a kid! I have no step kids, but I can relate to what you’re saying.
As far as staying thin goes, you can workout during your pregnancy (it’s encouraged), and you really don’t have to put much on during the pregnancy. Women have been having kids for aaaages before the eat for two rule came in (and I understand it’s now passe).. really you just need to eat healthy and the baby takes what it needs (as long as you have a generally healthy diet and take good pre-natal vitamins). My mom put on no weight but the baby weight with either me or my sister. I think doctors suggest eating an extra 300 calories per day, which isn’t that much. No reason to put fat on your arms or anything!
Do you have any kind of a desire to have a baby of your own? I also like the idea of adoption, but my SO wants biological kids. Adoption has its own set of issues and is quite expensive. I don’t have this strong urge to pass my DNA on lol. But I do kinda like the idea of having our own kid, seeing what he/she would look like, etc. It still scares me, though!
I would give it some more time and see when you’re a bit more settled. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying the two kids you are helping raise now. If you do feel that void and really really want a biological kid, then I think you should go for it. I mean there are issues of course, like age difference and the step kids possibly wondering if you love the biological kid more, but there’s pros and cons to everything. They’ll have a little brother or sister to protect. You’ll enjoy those baby years that you’ve never experienced, etc. My SO’s sister recently had another baby.. he’s 2 now and his brothers are 15 and 12 and they love their little brother.
Post # 12
@hecallsmelove: It doesn’t seem like you really feel like having a child. I say wait and see. The urge may hit you. If it doesn’t then its no problem. Sounds like you have a full life already and your DH’s support.
Post # 14
AMEN to having a full plate already. There’s still a lot of adjusting to be done. I often feel like if we add one more thing (of course we HAD to get a dog a few months ago), we won’t be able to handle it. My perspective may change in another year or so.
I would be working out until I couldn’t stand it anymore and I know plenty of people at the gym who have done just that. You just never know how your pregnancy will go, including bedrest. I know it includes a lot of unknowns for everyone.
Of note, if we didn’t have my two stepsons I would be good with having one child… no problem.