Post # 1
I have a very awkward family situtation. My parents divorced in high school, and my dad quickly remarried. He and I always had a difficult relationship, so much so that we haven’t spoken over the past few years. When I got engaged, though, I emailed him to tell him, and he sent back a long congrats email. My little sister from this marriage emailed me to say she couldn’t wait to see me on my wedding day. And my stepmother than told a bunch of her friends and her son’s teachers at my old high school how they were so excited and couldn’t wait to go to the wedding. In fact, one of these teachers is one of my best friends from growing up, and she’s coming to the wedding next month.
So I sent out the invitations, including ones to my dad and his entire family, and then a reminder email last month regarding hotel reservations (as many guests, including them, are traveling). The RSVP deadline has since passed, and no RSVP from my father or any of his family (siblings from this marraige, aunts, uncle, etc., minus my grandparents who can’t travel because of illness). One of my siblings has since inquired whether their coming, and their response is, “Probably not.” Am I wrong to stop pursuing their official RSVP? Should I have a contingency plan, should they decide to show up at the last minute?
Post # 3
This is one of those situations that I read about all the time on WB, and wonder if technology has gone too far.
You need to PICK UP THE PHONE! Don’t wait for an answer in writing or via email, or Facebook, or whatever else that isn’t direct contact. You need to call and hear a voice, and be able to ask/answer questions.
Post # 4
@menobride: I would love to call my father, except we’ve been estranged for 8 years. The last time I tried calling my father on the phone, he cursed at me to the point where I had to hang up. I have no problem calling my extended family, but it’s the immediate family that’s making my tummy do sommersaults.
If this happens a lot to other brides, I’d love to know how they handled the touchy issue of “What if?”, especially if the phone isn’t a positive communication tool.
And if you’re wondering why I invited my father at all, it’s because I didn’t want to leave the rest of my family: siblings from this marriage and extended family on this side who I have been in contact with, out of the loop.
Post # 5
I’d call the extended family to make sure who of that group can come. Then I’d plan on your dad, his wife and their daughter just in case. To pay for those three is worth the grief you may get if you called. You shouldn’t be put through grief to get an answer. Best wishes.
Post # 6
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was the situation. I guess if he did that to you, and you’ve been estranged all this time, I would probably take this as another sign that he is messed up. I’d personally try reaching out to the extended family and if that doesn’t work, i think you need to write them off. I’m sorry, that totally stinks, but honestly this man and the others associated with him don’t seem much like family. If they can’t even respond, they aren’t worth losing any sleep over, and I definitely would not worry about a contingency plan for people that can’t even be polite enough to contact you or respond.
Post # 7
I just wanted to follow up to say thanks for all the ideas and suggestions! In the end, my father and part of his family attended (this after they said they weren’t coming; one week before the wedding, I received an email stating that they’d really been coming all along! They just didn’t want to confirm their attendance without having a hotel reservation…). Being the patient, laid-back bride that I am (er, was), I attacked my seating chart, fit them in best I could, and all in all, everything went fine the day of. But I will say, dealing with estranged family on a wedding day (and before the day) can be awkward!
Post # 8
at least they told you a week before!