- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
My parents are planning a anniversary party next summer that involves everyone in the family going away together on vacation. My mom is desperate for engagement news, so a bit back was asking around trying to find out if that would conflict with wedding plans next summer. In a round about way last night, this sparked a conversation which concluded with me discovering that bf never worked his way backwards from “season reasonable for wedding” (in Boston, that’s about 5 months) to time to get engaged. I’d like to be engaged for one year for planning purposes so we can actually find a place that is available and not booked up. I’ve said that before to him but either it didn’t register or I think he doesn’t think it’ll be that hard to find a place. So if we want to get married next summer, particularly early next summer, we really need to get engaged this summer. My *MOM* who is not in the relationship and privy to any of these conversations, can think about this but he can’t. Just like he had never thought about needing to have kids by a certain date (preferably 35) meant getting married/engaged at minimum 2 years prior until a conversation we had about a month or two ago on it.
I asked him when he thought was a good time to get married. He joked 2014 sounded good, then after I said something, he moved it back to 2016. He’s joking, like he jokes about forgetting my birthday, but it’s not funny. I’m 31, he’s 35, both with birthdays this summer. Our 3 year anniversary in a month. I wanted to get engaged soon, so we can plan for a wedding next summer. Right now, it looks like it’ll be too late for a wedding right around Memorial Day, when I had initially wanted it because we had started dating around then. At this age, what are we waiting for? He wants to get married, to me, he’s given toss away comments about looking at rings, but he doesn’t multi-task at all and he lets work stress himself out so there is no time/energy left for other tasks. (Yesterday afternoon I was helping him finish his taxes).
I was pretty calm about this for a while, because I figured we had time to get engaged in the next two months and make it happen, but if he’s not actively thinking of it, I know it won’t happen because he needs extra time to adjust to these things. I don’t want to have a big talk and meltdown, because I want him to do this without me pressuring him (just like I want him to do household chores without me asking, which I realize is a pipe dream…). I am just so freaking tired of his comments such as life is passing him by and all of his friends are moving on in life. Well don’t just complain, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
My last ex (2 years younger) dated one year before getting engaged, and was married a year after that. Why did I end up with someone afraid of change? My life has always been about change (can’t be a military brat without learning to roll with it).
We are headed out for a seder dinner tonight. I hope the friends there give him some shit, like they sometimes do, or my family at Easter. Except, I don’t believe in airing dirty laundry in public, so I can’t really take advantage of it like I want to.