- 4 years ago
This is the first time I’ve ever tried to address this with anyone other than my OH, and I appreciate it’s a sensitive topic but please try and refrain from any personal attacks.
Okay, so. I have been in four long-term relationships, including my current OH (and hopefully future fiancé). The three previous relationships all ended because I cheated, and then went on to have a relationship with the person I cheated with. The cheating has become increasingly serious, going from one kiss with someone who was not my boyfriend aged 14, to a full-blown year-long affair with the man who is now my OH. That was the worst, as I was cheating on a very long-term boyfriend – I dated him for 7 years, and spent the last year unfaithful.
My OH knows about all of these, and yet it didn’t deter his decision to be with me. His feeling on it is that I would always stop being unfaithful when I found the right person, and he’s the right person.
I want so badly to believe this to be true, and I can’t imagine putting him through what I did to my last boyfriend. However, I always hear that old phrase, ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ and it terrifies me, because I know it applies to me.
I suggested that maybe I should go for some pre-marital counselling if we got engaged to get to the bottom of why I have behaved this way for my entire dating life (to put this in context, I have never been single, and have just gone from boyfriend to boyfriend with overlaps in between). However, my OH said this was overly dramatic.
I’m not sure what I’m asking here. I guess I’m asking for reassurance, or advice? Am I right to be worried based on my past behaviour? I hate phrasing it like it’s something out of my control, but it honestly feels that way sometimes.
Help, bees! Anyone been through anything similar?