(Closed) Once again, a not so happy post….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hopefully, he is just trying to throw you off, so it will be a little bit of a surprise 🙂

Post # 4
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That is really upsetting; however, I don’t think you should be using engagement as a bargaining chip (you’ll only go with him if he proposes) because that, to me, creates a question as to his sincerity. No wonder he is unsure, it really seems like you are pressuring him — a month ago you said he is still financially entangled with his ex. Give him a break! Yes, it was crappy of him to get your hopes up like that, but I really think you should adopt Mr. Bee’s plan and STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. Go with him and just be happy to be a couple. Enjoy the holiday. Let him figure it out for himself, and when the time comes, it will be entirely from his heart. Find a hobby other than weddingbee in the meantime.

Post # 6
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Awww so sorry to hear this sweetie – I hope like others have suggested that he is just trying to throw you off. Maybe he really wants it to be a surprise hence why he is trying to change the date?

Try not to let it get you down too much – sounds like you have got a lot going on in your life at the moment – try and concentrate on making yourself happy!!

Post # 7
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe you should sit down with him and ask him why he isn’t sure. Is he just having last minute cold feet before proposing, does he not feel ready, or what? Has he given you any insight at all into what is stopping him?

Post # 8
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like he’s feeling pressured & he wants to keep it a suprise. Maybe he doesn’t want to propose there, it won’t feel right. Maybe he wants to, but wants it to be a suprise. You know he wants to marry you, let him decide when/where to propose. Being told when/where to do it takes out the suprise for the guys.

Also, there’s no shame in being his girlfriend. Why would you care what they’re thinking? They’re probably happy for you guys & will be happy to see you.

Please don’t threaten not to go if he doesn’t propose. Wouldn’t it be a fun trip regardless? Don’t make it all about an engagement, just have fun. Just forget about the engagement for now, have fun, show him how amazingly fun & what a catch you are & he will want to propose to you in an awesome way… rather than you beg for a ring so he just does it so you’re not unhappy.

Hope I didn’t sound mean, that wasn’t my point… I hope that you have a very fun 4th of July with your boyfriend & don’t worry about anything else!

Post # 9
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Was there any chance he was joking when suggested getting engaged at the Old Time Photo? Just asking because of the big fake diamond and all.

I agree with the other ladies, he may have something in mind and just want to plan it himself. Go with him and have fun! I’m sure he won’t appreciate it if you say you’re not going to because you not engaged. Instead, go and try to relax and enjoy the weekend and his company and his family. Have fun and don’t worry about getting engaged. 

Post # 11
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Okay, I’m one of the first ones to get annoyed at the “just be patient, it’ll happen when it happens!!!” replies (usually sent by the happily engaged), but even I’ve got to join the “take a step back and relax” camp on this one.

It is not my intention at all to sound mean, but telling him what ring to buy and when and where to propose is a little overbearing.  At the very least, you should allow him to choose the place and manner in which he’s going to ask you to marry him.  It’s a big deal to him, let him plan it.  Where’s the fun in knowing exactly where, when and how you’re going to get engaged?  That kind of defeats the point of a traditional proposal, if that’s what you’re looking for.

I also agree with the ladies about using an engagement as a bargaining chip.  Don’t tell him you won’t go on vacation with him unless you’re engaged, that’s kind of a crappy thing to do, although I do understand how your frustration can get you to that point.  You’ve shown him the ring, you know he wants to marry you, you definately know he IS going to propose, let him breathe a little bit and try to make the proposal special for you.

Post # 12
375 posts
Helper bee

I always feel really weird about taking vacations with my boyfriend too. While I like his parents, I get sick of tagging along as his girlfriend. I feel like I shouldn’t go because they’re not my family yet.


Post # 13
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I understand that you love this guy and want to marry him but do you really want to already know the exact second he is going to ask you?????  Let him enjoy surprising you and CALM DOWN…..   It kinda sounds like your planning your own engagement.

Post # 14
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Yes family vacations can be ackward….if it’s just going to his folk’s place I think that’s fine. It’s whatever you feel comfortable with.  I know you feel like not going but that’s going to probably feel very manipulative. Try to do whatever you can to make sure you have a fun weekend NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Post # 15
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Guys, you’re not reading her post!  He suggested the time and place – she did not tell him the time and place.  She did not make him a deal that she’d go if he proposed – she made him a deal that she would go if he went to a particular place with her just because she likes it, nothing to do with proposals. 

Post # 16
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@mermaideve – I’m very sorry. I totally misread your post until arachna said something! When I first read it (I was hyped up on junk food & had no lunch) I THOUGHT it said you refused to go unless he proposed to you there. Not your fault, but I think it was the order the post was written & my lack of clarity of thinking. I can see how it would be frustrating if HE SAID you should get engaged there & you didn’t bring it up. He just randomly said it & then “took it back” a few days later. Re-reading, I see that you didn’t threaten not to go if he didn’t propose, you just weren’t as excited to go. I think either 1., he thought it would be fun to propose in the photos with a giant fake ring just for the photo & didn’t mean he was actually going to propose to you then. ~OR~ 2. he’s trying to cover up his tracks because he wants to suprise you with it. My opinion now? Pretend you forgot he said that (hard as it may be) because maybe he still plans on proposing with an element of suprise. If he doesn’t, than know its coming soon, he probably just blew his cover & doesn’t want you to expect it. If he doesn’t, buy some saltwater taffy to help make you feel better cause that stuff is so good. Sorry again :(… hopefully you get this before you leave on your trip. & hope your trip is fun too :)!!

@arachna – you’re right! totally read her post wrong, thanks for clarifying!!

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