(Closed) "Once you have kids, you can't do that!"

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yes, very much so.

My mom was spending the night a few weeks ago and my dog kept me up all night, wanting to go in my mom’s room and play with her dog. The next morning I made a comment about being tired because Buddy had been crying, scratching at the door, etc., and I didn’t get much sleep. Her response: Get used to it! That’s what life’s like with kids!

Um, okay, while that may be true to some extent, I’m not tolerating it from my dog and that doesn’t change that I’m tired today. Aaand, there’s no way (or even a reason) to “get used to it”. That’s just stupid and discouraging.

A close friend of mine has a five month old baby girl and she knows DH and I are TTC. She’s been very open and honest with me about what life was like with a baby. Yes, there were sleepless nights but by the time her daughter was about 8 weeks, she was sleeping 6-7 hours a night. That’s a FAR cry (haha pun so intended) from the sleepless nights in the first few weeks of her daughter’s life. And the first few weeks weren’t that bad since she was on maternity leave and could sleep when her daughter was sleeping and had her husband home for a few weeks to help also, and her mom was over alot to help with the baby and cooking and cleaning. But most importantly, those few weeks in the grand scheme of her life with her daughter were so inconsequential compared to the incredible joy her daughter brings to her and her husband. Do they still have some rough days? Yes, of course. But it’s nowhere near the nightmare picture that everyone painted for her while she was pregnant.



Post # 48
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Some people say that because the y actually believe it. They can’t go to dinner with their child, they can’t go here and there. I believe differently. train the child how to behave in public and go out whereever you like and have a great time… kids will not stop my show…… you can still live and have holidays with the kids and go to restaurants.

Post # 49
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ugh, all of this is so true. My biggest annoyance right now is my mom telling me to wait until I’m 30 (I’m currently 22) so that I can travel before having kids. Um, I actually don’t really want to travel. We’ll probably take a vacation or two in the next 5 years, but it’s not a big deal to us. I feel like because other people have certain priorities/ideas, they automatically think everyone does. We know we aren’t ready for kids and will definitely wait a couple years anyway, it’s just annoying to have someone else telling you want to do I suppose.

Post # 50
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mom says this crap to me too, while at the same time trying to get me to have kids. Why on earth would I want to have a kid if you tell me “oh, you can’t do (this thing you enjoy) or (this thing you do all the time)”?? I really don’t want one right now or even sort of soon: I’m 24, I don’t even have a full-time job yet (my field is super-competitive & we’re moving to a new city), and I want to spend the next few years travelling. My husband & I travel a lot, as much as possible really, we’ve been to Colorado, Utah & Canada snowboarding, we’ve been to the British Virgin Islands, Mexico, Florida, we just got back from a two-week trip to Europe, we’re talking about a Vegas trip in December.. I WANT to be selfish right now and focus on me and my husband (should that really even be considered selfish?) having fun and being relatively young still (he’s 28). 

Post # 51
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Ryansgirl:  Yes! People do that to us all the time! Obviously we will have to make some adjustments once we have kids, but that doesn’t mean our lives will end. 

Post # 52
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Poor thing!  I get this comment a lot when I talk about getting a dog some time in the future. 

Post # 53
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My DH & I travel, go out to eat, go to see plays, etc, and we have a kid. I’m a mom, not a martyr. Although, that said, people may just be coming off a bad day, and are letting that color their conversation with you. Try to cut your friends & family some slack. Enjoy your single life, and also know that being a parent doesn’t mean the end of life, it just starts a new chapter!

Post # 54
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ryansgirl:  I’ve heard it hundreds of time. You can bring your kids but like you said it can’t always be spur of the moment and you really have to think about wether or not it’s appropriate for children to be there, but if it’s not that’s the reason we have baby sitters.


I still go to concerts, even go to the bar every once in a while. The majority of my time is spent at home but every now and then I get out, and that’s what family and baby sitters are for.

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