(Closed) One bridesmaid complains about her dress CONSTANTLY…

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 1
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have three bridesmaids and a Maid/Matron of Honor who’s my absolute best friend. Initially I had plan to have them all pick out a dress, but due to $$ constraints, concerns whether if the colour of custom made dresses will match my theme colour and the fact that I saw the perfect dress in the perfect colour in a store, I decided to go ahead with this dress from the store. This dress is an eggplant colour chiffon cocktail length dress with ruffle one shoulder strap. It’s the perfect colour and material for a summer wedding I thought…

When X had heard about it, she said she’s fine with whatever I pick out as long as I like it. However, as soon as she tries it on, she HATED the dress. In her communications, she repeated mentioned that the colour doesn’t match her skin tone (she’s a pale asian girl), she hates the fabric and it doesn’t look good on her (she really looks good in it and i’m not being subjective…)

I had tried to make her feel better by asking if there is anything that I can do to make the dress more to her liking, the only responses I got back from her were “The colour doesn’t match my skin tone and I don’t like the fabric, it’s not shiny enough”. 

After a few days of stressful conversations back and forth between her, Maid/Matron of Honor and I, she had decided to accept the dress. However, when she tried the dress on, she had the most pouty face an adult can ever put on. I had tried my best not to acknowledge it because I know that would just result in more complaints about the dress.

Now she wants to hem the dress to half way up her thigh… my wedding will be outdoor on a rooftop (possibly windy)… I had reminded her that we would not want her dress to get caught in the wind, she said no problem… fine… it’s her call… if anything happens, it’s her problem…

We had discussed the possibility of adding some sort of embellishment onto the dress, maybe a flower of some sort. I envisioned soemthing simple and not over the top, so I thought a flower of the same colour would suits the best, it’d make the dress simple an elegant. However, again X complained that it’d be too boring…

After all of these complains… I really don’t know what to do with this girl… I’ve known since elementary school but we were never really that close but when I got engaged she basically volunteered herself to be one of the bridesmaid… I did not formally ask her but did not say otherwise which would be a mistake on my part. 

Even at one year from the wedding, I’m already tired of speaking of the wedding in her presence just because I don’t want anymore complaints from her. What can I do to ease the situation? I really just want to balance between my perfect wedding and minimizing complaints from people who don’t understand my vision or even who I really am…

 

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Post # 3
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would give her the option to opt out.   Some people can really feel uncomfortable in certain colours/materials, and if she’s that type, she may just want out.

Are they already ordered?  I would get her imput on what she wants, and let her know that you care about her opinion, but be firm too.   She may just want an out, or you may need to suggest that it may not be a good fit for her to be in your wedding, just to come as a guest.

Post # 4
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  My friend ran into this at her wedding a few years ago. She asked a friend who had been a friend ever since elementary school. All she did was complain about everything. She complained about the dress, she told the bride that she should just get a gown from Goodwill, that she spent too much money on her gown (she got it on sale at David’s Bridal). She had an opinion about EVERYTHING.

  Is one of your bridesmaids mutual friends with X? Could she talk to her and say, “Hey, I understand that you have some problems with the dress, but I think your comments are starting to get to our friend.” Keep it simple. You could talk to her too, if that’s an option. I know I hate confrontation.

Post # 5
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MapleBecky: It basically has gotten to the point where every option I give her will result in more and more complaints. I had tried to reason with her and let her know that it is the perfect colour for my wedding and the chiffon would be perfect for the summer. Plus, I don’t want her to be the only one with a different dress when my Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be the one with a different dress if anything… when I tried to be firm about it, I get that pout from her… 

@keepsmiling19: X is also complaining about my lack of “fun” ideas for the bachelorette… as someone who’s never a big partier, I had mentioned that I want something very tame and normal, nothing crazy. She comes in and says “nonono I think we should do something crazy and fun!” She’s a friend of the Maid/Matron of Honor as well and us three had known each other since elementary school. This put my Maid/Matron of Honor is a very bad position because now she’s trapped in between us. This is why I try my best to be firm and not give anymore options to X because she does not understand my vision at all and if I give her a chance to pick something, she’d pick something that’s totally not me (the “shiny” fabric, the length of the dress, the bacherlorette”). I really tried to explain to her my vision and what I like, but she doesn’t seem to understand or agree to anything 

All of these are adding up and starting to really stress me out when I have to talk about wedding planning with them.. this is exactly why I avoid the topic and don’t mention it unless it is brought up, and even when it is, I try to end it as quick as possible.

Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  You are in a tough spot :-(. I guess I would think about it in this sense. Unfortunately, no matter what, you’re going to feel bad. If you keep her in the wedding party, she’s going to keep making comments and keep making you feel bad. If you ask her to attend as a guest, it could open up a whole other can of worms. Is this a person who you would hang out with after the wedding? Do you plan on continuing a relationship with this person? I think what it’s going to come down to now is thinking about what you want to deal with. I wish I had a better answer, or a more “sunshine and rainbows” answer for you.

Post # 7
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would tell her that I appreciate her opinion, but it is difficult to find a dress that multiple women love. When she agreed to be a bridesmaid, she agreed to wear the dress YOU chose. Tell her at least it’s not the 1980s.

Post # 8
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I really don’t understand the bridesmaid attitude stuff.  i’m so glad i don’t have that  problem because my response would be “YOU CAN TAKE OFF THE DRESS AND BE A GUEST” i mean seriously this is the brides day and if you don’t like the dress color whatever you either deal with it or not be in it. 

my sisters are my Bridesmaid or Best Man and are heavy up top…the dress i chose was strapless, I wasn’t thinking when i saw it just fell in love with it, then when i remembered and decided to change the dress they both said no if thats the dress you want may be we can get straps added or something to help with supporting them up top…my Maid/Matron of Honor just asked if the hem can be let out because she thinks it will be too short on her… i will never understand it

Post # 9
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@LMD84 that made me laugh so hard….I could just see her telling twinklez “now thats the shine Im talkin about!”  Yes there are worse dresses out there to put a Bridesmaid or Best Man in. I vote with the other bee on here to let her opt out! But I would talk to her first and really voice your concerns….she may not realize she is doing it…some people are so consumed with negativity that they dont realize they are doing it! You may just need to point it out! (in a positive way of course!)

Post # 10
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you don’t think she will work with you, I would tactfully tell her you don’t think it will work out.   It will be a long year with that, and I tell you, those last few weeks are stressful if you don’t have people who are helping you (attitude included).

Post # 11
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I can sort of see why some BMs might complain… if they have to shell out $$$$ for a dress, it would really suck to hate it. One of my co-workers used to complain all the time how she had to pay $400 for a hot pink floor length gown that she knew she would never wear again. She never said anything to the bride because she wanted to honor the bride’s wishes BUT all she ever did at work was complain and complain about that wedding. =P

As for X, it really sounds like you tried to accomodate her. If her only true complaint is she doesn’t like the color/fabric, and it’s not about cost or something more personal/deep, then I think you just need to pull the “it’s my day” card and go a little bridezilla on her. Tell her “If you were a true friend, you would respect my choice. You can complain all you want to Maid/Matron of Honor or whoever, but I don’t want to hear it. Part of a bridesmaid’s job is to help the bride REDUCE stress, not add to it.”

Post # 12
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ew.

She needs to accept that its your wedding.  By accepting the position as a bridesmaid, she’s supposed to shell out for the dress and not bitch about it.

I agree with PP, definitely give her the option to opt out.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. 🙁 

Post # 13
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One thing about the dress I forgot to mention is that I will be paying for them… apparently it had been assumed (by the BMs, except for one) that it is good practice I pay for the dresses. One of my BMs who had recently got married bought the dresses and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor so I guess it’s only fair that I buy her dress when it comes my turn. I just didn’t quite like the fact that I have been told by them that I should pay for it because it’s common practice which I found it not to be the case. Anyhow, which ties in to the budget issue I guess. If I were to have each of their dresses custom made it’d cost me close to $200 each which I don’t think I’m prepared to pay for (my fiance and I are paying for the wedding) and I might not end up getting the colour that I like. The dress that I picked out now is the perfect colour and it actually looked good on everyone of them so I thought it’s a pretty good deal to save about 50% on the dresses and have a dress that they actually look good in. I didn’t think that was quite unreasonable considering at least I’m not putting them in ugly dresses. I would honestly reconsider if it actually looks horrible on her but it doesn’t…

Thank you all for encouraging me to be a bridezilla! =) I tried not to be when it comes to decisions that would affect others but I’ve seriously had enough of her complaints. There had been times when I want to just tell her if she doesn’t like the dress, she doesn’t have to be in it and she can come as a guest, but I do intend on keeping some sort of relationship with her after the wedding… the other option I thought of was to tell all the girls they can pick whatever dress in whatever colour and they don’t have to be in the wedding colour.. but it’d just make my wedding pictures look weird… so now I just ignore her pouts and her complaints and carry on…

i just really hate to pull the “it’s my day” card because I thought a true friend would understand and I feel horrible for forcing people into what they don’t like… but I can’t help but to think my wedding pictures with them will look horrible because of the fashion choices…

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@LMD84: hahaha LOVE LOVE LOVE the pic… on a serious note, I had actually consider picking out something SUPER UGLY as an alternative for her to choose so the dress I actually picked will seemingly look a lot better! hahaha… desparate time calls for desparate measures i guess… LOL

Post # 15
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrsjjohnson2b: I 100% agree. If she isn’t willing to step up to the requirements for a Bridesmaid or Best Man (and wearing a dress she doesn’t love is NOT that bad), she can be an honored, loved, and way less annoying guest.

Post # 16
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@twinklez: It’s ultimatum time. If Lil’ Miss Pouty can’t wear a dress of your choosing on your wedding day, Lil’ Miss Pouty can be a guest. No more discussion, no more trying to reason with her, it is she that needs to be mature about this and stop giving you grief. Don’t let this revolve around her any longer.

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