(Closed) One Broken Hearted Bee needing support

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As a SANE RN (Sexual assault nurse examiner) and sometimes an insane nurse lol,  you DID the right thing, and I am so happy for you finding someone who sees you for the person you are! My Fiance was my best friend through a bad experiance with my first husband and it made us so strong! He is also older, your family will come around ,hang in there!You do need to get help for your ex. He cannot change and will have no control over his urges, He needs help.

 

Post # 18
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

WOW…I’m sorry you went thru all of this, but it sounds like you are in a much better place and you deserve happiness.  I’m sorry that your family bailed on you when you need it the most.  I hope they come around.  Good for you for taking charge of YOUR life and moving on…Pray that God continues to give you strength!!

Post # 19
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

((hugs)))You made the right choice in leaving…like you said, how could you possibly have a chlid with this man?? I am so sorry your family sorta turned on you when you needed it the most….I can’t imagine.  I am happy to hear that you have found someone!! I hope things keep getting easier and easier for you…you deserve it!!!

Post # 20
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am glad you’ve found someone after all of this happened to you.  Am I understanding you correctly that you started dating him 1 month after you heard this from your ex-fiance and called off your wedding?  That seems…incredibly soon…without even considering you are excited about a potentially soon engagement (even if you talk about a lengthy one).  Please, take it slow.  It’s hard to imagine recovering from being in love with someone and calling off a wedding w/o even adding in everything else you learned that caused your PTSD.

Post # 21
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m baffled at how your family doesn’t agree with you. Somethings really are just unforgiveable and in my eyes that is one of the worst offenses possible.   I would have gone crazy and told the newspaper…so kudos to you for remaining composed and handling the situation with grace.

Post # 22
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow. I am so sorry that you have gone through this. You are so brave and strong and I hope you find the peace and happiness that you deserve.

I also wanted to complement you on your writing. You really are an incredible story teller. I think it is a wonderful talent and could perhaps be therapeudic for you.

Post # 23
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow, *hugs* to you for working through such a difficult time, and holding your head high when everyone seemed against you. I am shocked that your family wouldn’t stand by you, but am happy your new man is understanding and supportive. I am also so happy you took it on yourself to seek counseling, which can be hard to do. While your official clean bill of health is great news, I’m guessing this event is not something you’ll forget quickly, so it might be a good idea to check back in with the therapist occasionally. I am definitely not saying you’re not in a better place now, but I doubt it will hurt as you move past your old date and forward with your new relationship. My best wishes to you and your FI!

Post # 24
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I really wish i could have known you back when this happened, i would have given you a really big big hug!! Gosh you are such a strong woman, and i really look up to what you did. You knew what was right, and decided to seperate your love for your ex fiance in order to do the correct thing. But just like you said, everything does happen for a reason and i can guarantee that!! Your now a much stronger person because of it, and i am sure you will be very happy in the near future! I am really happy you found someone that can make you happy, and that you found an amazing friend in your current bf. Good luck to you!

Post # 25
Member
3628 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh, my. What an incredibly difficult time you’ve had. I am so sorry you had to go through that, and also that your family did not understand or support your decision.

I would also recommend taking it slow in your new relationship. Even if he really wants to start a family soon, that should not put pressure on you to make a huge life decision you may not yet be ready for.

I commend you for your strength! I wish you the best in your life.

Post # 26
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow that is unimaginable. I’m so sorry that you went through that and even more heartbroken that your family wasn’t there to support you.  I am glad that sought counseling and that your heart has learned to love again! Best wishes to you always! Thank you for sharing your story

Post # 27
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I could never imagine being in your situation, however I comend you on how you dealt with it. I am personally going to school to become a teacher and could not fathom being with someone who violated a child no matter how much I was in love with them. I think it was wonderful that you encouraged your ex to seek professional help because it appears from several psychology classes that I have taken, that sexual abuse is a ver sad an unfortunate chain that can continue unless treated through professional help. I am very happy that you have been able to find love in a new relationship. Although it may be difficult, try to look forward to the positives that you have been recently been blessed with. You sound like a wonderful woman, and great things will happen for you in your future 🙂 Hang in there lady!

Post # 28
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You truly did the right thing and I commend you for your courage. Congrats on your future engagement! 

Post # 29
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

holy crap. I don’t even know what to say. You have been through so much. I am sorry you have/had to go through all this but I believe You are a stronge and couragious women for sharing with us. its nice to see you found ture love and look like life is moving forward, just take it slow with your new man.  Iam sure your family will come around…

 

one question if you don’t mind me asking, I don’t want to seem out of line here, but if he told you and you know the boy in question do you not feel morally obligated to tell that boys parents or do they already know?

Post # 30
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I stand and applaud you, even amidst your tears. This was a hard hard thing to do, but the only thing to do. My family also fell apart in somewhat similar circumstances, and I will have none at the wedding, not one bit of family. Attitudes like the one that your family has is why and how incest can and does happen, this misplaced concern to “understand” and “forgive” and “it was only once” and “but the child won’t remember”. And then we all seemed shocked and outraged when stories like this hit the papers. THankyou for having the courage and moral fortitude to refuse to bind up your life with someone who could do something like this.

While I want to echo the other bees in warning you of being careful of your heart when you are in such a vulnerable place, I also want to say that children have ways of remembering when trauma occurs even when they are preverbal, and I’m not sure at all about any therapist that would agree not to report, or even that the family should not be contacted. This sort of thing explodes later in life (adolescence, adulthood) and it’s as though you alone know that he has a sickness that could manifest anytime and refuse to let the parents help him to build any kind of immunity to it, or to take any kind of preventive measures.

 

 

 

Post # 31
Member
3628 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@mriebee: Beautifully and perfectly said.

Im sorry you also had to go through pain associated with similar issues as the OP.

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