Post # 77
Wow. Congratulations on having the strength to do what you did. I cannot imagine how devastating that would have been or how empty you must have felt. Not only were you able to recognize that you needed to leave, but also that you needed to get help – which so many people suffering are not always able to do. I hope you have continued to experience happiness since sharing your story with us. Reporting or not reporting is your decision entirely and yes others will have their own opinions but your decision is your decision. Be confident with the choice you made to not only leave but to not report as well, knowing it is and was the right one for you. I am so sorry that your family hasn’t been able to provide you with more support. Especially for your mother to treat you so horribly once she knew why you were leaving! I find it difficult to understand her perspective, had you stayed and had children with your ex would she not worry for their safety?
You know yourself best. No one can tell you when something is too fast or rushed. When you know a relationship is right, you know. I so hope that this new relationship provides you everything you had hoped for!
Post # 78
Wow. Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. An update since this was posted is necessary. I am engaged to the man of my dreams and I couldn’t have gone through this without his constant love and friendship. His own history with molestation (but on the receiving end) as a child has allowed us to really heal each other. He has helped me stay strong though it al and reminded me that the child never forgets. My family has for the most part come around. My mother is the only one still being difficult but everyone has given my new fiance a chance and really likes him as I knew they would.
In addition, this recent Fall, I finally made the decision to call CPS on my ex. My original stance was just to hope he would never do it again but I knew that wasn’t really good enough for me or anyone else involved. I sort of knew that while that policy may have worked for me now, one day I would be a mother and how could I justify wanting to keep my own children safe when I knew someone was out there who was unsafe to the children of others? It is impossible to want to just protect your children and not wish for the safety of all children. While I am not going to be a mother anytime soon most likely, it was sort of like when you are cleaning your purse and you hold onto a old movie stub for some silly sentimental reason when its pointless because you know that when you clean out your purse in a year or so, you will end up throwing it out anyway. If reporting him was something I knew I would do one day, why not just do it now?
Unfortunately, there was nothing my local CPS could do. The social worker was so sweet and listened respectfully to my whole story. She said that CPS doesn’t usually open claims on people if the report is from a third (uninvolved) party and especially if the facts were from the pedophiles recollections from 9 years previously. She said it just wasn’t enough to go on and certainly not enough to cause pain to the child over. She assured me that in her years of experience it was unlikely that that a child that young actually remembered which relieved me. She said that it would be different if the child had remembered and came to her, but that my story couldn’t spur an investigation. She also told me that with cases of child molestation usually one calls the police and the police call CPS and that if this wasn’t a current incident or something happening at this moment, the police probably were not going to do anything either. I asked her if she at least wanted names, ages, and dates but she refused. She told me it was best to leave this one alone and that she was proud of me for being brave but that I had done everything I could to make it right. That at least made me feel better. I finally felt like I could put it to rest. I am glad I had never chosen to alert the family and cause painful memories for the child since she said that would have been wrong.
I am very happy now…. aside from the stress of my upcoming wedding. Happy Valentines Day Bees. Spend it with the one you love….I am.
Post # 79
Congratulations on your engagement!! Happy planning! 🙂