(Closed) One child family

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 32
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was an olny child and loved it.  I have 2 daughters who are 8 years apart- so the oldest was an only child for a long time.  I was able to do a lot more when it was just one child.  As a wise person once told me- “when it comes to children 1=1, and 2=4”  It does really seem that way!

Post # 33
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@mommytobee:  Yep. I’m an only child too and you so accurately described how I feel as an adult. It’s a little different for me as I am the only child of a single mother and I don’t have a dad, so not only will my children not have unts and uncles on my side, they won’t have a grandpa.

My Fiance has a sister, and we talk quite frequently about the benefits of having 1 kid vs. 2. With an only child we’d be all set financially, but the social/longterm effects might not be worth it.

Post # 34
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am an only child, as is Fiance.  Can’t deny that I wish I had siblings, both growing up and now.  I didn’t have to share and my parents gave me all they could, but there are valuable lessons about human relationships I feel like I didn’t get to experience.  

I grew up around a female cousin (we shared an apartment until I was about 6), I consider her the closest thing I have to a sister.  Still, its not the same thing as having a sibling around all the time.

Fiance and I definitely want to have more than one child.  

Post # 34
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i have one amazing child. i have a much younger sister but we are close. my husband is 1 of 3. they are all close in age and he says he missed out on having privacy, attention from both parents, nothing was ever “his”, and they could never afford to go on vacactions or do much of anything special…. we feel (for the moment) happy with just one. we can give him everything he needs. whats most important is that a child needs to feel special and loved by their parents and if i’m too busy filling my house with babies and taking care of a ton of children because i want to means sacrificing one on one time that can’t be taken back. i just feel that i can be a better parent to one… or one more several years down the road. 

Post # 35
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have 2 kids.  I have a brother.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I think kids need siblings.

Post # 36
Hostess
11165 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

mommytobee:  I couldn’t have put it better.

I was also an only child and I completely agree with mommytobee.  As a child I didn’t see the issue with being the only one and it certainly had its advantages. I got to do and experience things that perhaps a family with two or more children couldn’t afford. I also had cousins somewhat close in age and so that gave me some exposure to family children in a sense.

As for having more than one I am in the same boat as you OP. We are expecting our first in August and I truly think I would be completely happy with just us three. Darling Husband however coming from a larger family wants to have another one in a year or two, I am hoping to push this to at least three! I see parents with two or more children and you are right they just seem to be overwhelmed. There is no break, no downtime, no rest. When one isn’t fussy the other one is. I am sure that it does get better with age but for the first 5+ years or so it just seems to be so difficult with more than one.

Post # 37
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was always anti one child families until I had my son! Now I easily and clearly see all the benefits to stopping at one, there are so many! We would be able to provide for him financially so much better, we could go on more vacations, way less stress and juggling of our schedules, the list goes on. LIke PP have said, we will make sure to move somewhere that he can have a lot of social interaction and possibly even get some pets as well.

Post # 38
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Another +1 to mommytobee‘s reply!

I’m an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. I was definitely spoiled by always having my parents’ attention, and since they both worked at successful jobs, we always had money for vacations and things we needed.  

Sure it got lonely at times, but I had a close friend (as well as some other classmates) that lived in my neighborhood that I would spend time with.  My mom comes from a family of 8 siblings that lived in our area, and we would take yearly summer vacations to SoCal to visit my dad’s 5 siblings, so I always had cousins around to play with.

As an adult, I do feel a little sad that my future kid/kids won’t have any cousins to play with like I did.  I’ve also watched my parents, aunts, and uncles care for my ailing grandparents, and I do wish I had siblings for whenever it comes time to care for mine.

Post # 39
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am an only child, and I am very well adjusted, socialized, and am not a spoiled brat who doesnt know how to share (and all the other stereotypes) 😛 My mom is an only child, and my dad is one of 8. I have a very different relationship with my mom’s parents than I do my dad’s. When you have 1 grandkid versus more than 20- relationships change. SO has a brother, and the dynamic between them, and throughout their family, is strange to me (for a variety of reasons). His brother was essentially concieved to give SO a friend. As much as I love Brother-In-Law, their intentions were misguided. Their life would be very different if SO was an only. <br />Also to note about caring for parents, having someone when your parents die, etc., as many other bees have said NOTHING is a guarantee. Many people forget that babies and children grow into people. Some people dont get along, even if its your mom, dad, brother or sister. As someone who has volunteered and worked at a few retirement and care residencies, I can tell you that no matter how many children you have, its not a guarantee of care. I’ve seen people in their 80’s dropped off at a hospital and essentially abandoned by their children, theft and abuse of elderly parents for the child’s benefit- lots of very sad things. I could write a novel about my aunts’ multi-year arguments over who gets my grandma’s valuables… and my grandma is still alive. People move out of state, to different countries, and aren;t always there to help even if you have siblings. I just know that having multiple children, just like having an only, doesnt guarantee anything. You could have a second child who may have special needs, and your dreams of a play mate have turned into a new focus for your life. I don’t think that children should be born with a job, and to me, being your other child’s friend is a job and a requirement that they may not be able or willing to fulfill. 

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