Post # 16
I somehow always clean… when he cooks, I usually try to clean the dishes – but he sometimes does it. It’s not a hard and fast rule… so we don’t have set chores – it’s usually the person who either has more time or is more bothered by the mess. He’s a better cook and I’m a better dishwasher – so it just works out.
I don’t like doing dishes – but I like the way they come out when I do them 😉 so I’ve embraced that chore. Plus, when he’s cooking and I’m washing up – the whole process is so much quicker than if I was by myself cooking/cleaning.
If either of us get annoyed at something – we’ll mention it to the other person. If there’s a chore that I want DH to do and he’s not doing – I’ll ask him to do it and he usually will.
Usually if I find myself getting annoyed at him, I also realize that I’m not taking into consideration all the little things that he does do (take out the trash, maintain the cars, vacuum, etc.)
It sounds like you are overwhelmed by the amount of chores on your plate and/or feel that he may not be doing enough?? Is there something he could either help you with and/or do from time to time that would make you feel better about it? (or does it all boil down to dishes?)
Post # 17
I don’t work, so it makes sense that I pick up the slack around the house. I cook and clean. I don’t mind it though. A lot of times he’ll help me with the dishes, but it doesn’t matter to me either way. It takes no more than 5 minutes b/c I’m always doing it as I’m cooking.
Post # 18
We tried this policy but it did not work for us because even if I was cooking DH would put off the cleaning for so long and we would end up getting into a fight about it because I would want it done before going to bed! We just recently (right after we got married basically) started doing it a different way. We divided up the chores by sections of the house.
I have the first floor – kitchen, dining room, living room – this means doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, keeping things organized
DH has the bedroom and guest bedroom and the basement – this means he vacuums, straightens up and does ALL the laundry – and he cleans the cat litter
Then we switch off who takes out the trash and cleans the bathrooms. This system has worked a lot better for us and I actually dont mind doing the dishes now because I dont have to do laundry or clean cat litter!!!
Post # 19
We use the I cook he cleans method but also because if he was cooking dinner we would be having big tasty bowls of cereal!! My Fiance is in school now and I work full time so on Mondays and Fridays when he is home he does most of the main cleaning like sweeping, dusting, taking out the trash. He likes to do it though and I do the major deep clean on the bathroom but if for some reason he does not get around to something I do not mind to help out either.
Post # 20
Thanks for all the replies – it’s seriously really helpful to see how other people handle this stuff.
Also, I’ve noticed that, um… not to be gross, but you guys all do WAY more than we do. We live in a very small apartment, so there’s no yard or anything to maintain, and we have a cleaning lady come in every three weeks, so unless someone is coming over, all deep-cleaning waits until then.
@oracle: “It sounds like you are overwhelmed by the amount of chores on your plate and/or feel that he may not be doing enough?? Is there something he could either help you with and/or do from time to time that would make you feel better about it? (or does it all boil down to dishes?)”
It mostly boils down to dishes because we just don’t do most of the other chores. We do laundry together (he often flips it while I’m making dinner) though I do most of the work putting it away. I do all the grocery and toiletries shopping, which can’t be changed because we live in an area where you need a car and he doesn’t drive. I do all the car maintenance because it’s my car.
He keeps claiming he does a lot, and that he feels overwhelmed by schoolwork and it’s really stressful that I ask him to do more. But I feel like everything is either split or I do it all. I do feel like I’d feel better about the dishes if he just took care of the laundry, or made sure the garbage went out every night.
Post # 21
we don’t have set rules we just do what needs to be done and switch off based on who has the time. When he gets home first, he’ll cook, when I get home first, I’ll cook. He does the dishes most of the time, (I HATE dishes), but then i’ll clean up the rest of the kitchen and unload the drying rack.
We just try to be considerate of the other person and try to work together to keep our house clean and tidy. The only “rule” we have is that he takes out the trash and I clean out the litter box.
Post # 22
@Entangled: My Fiance does not drive either and sometimes that will drive me crazy!!!
Post # 23
Our arrangement is he pays most of the bills, so I do most of the housework. It works fine for us.
Post # 24
I work from home, more or less, not on a set schedule, so I have the lion’s share of chores. He takes out the trash and cleans the litterboxes (the latter because he has next to no sense of smell.) I cook, do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, sweep and mop, vaccuum (though if/whenever I ask, he pitches in.) We’ve agreed that if I start working outside the home and when we have kids, we’ll do equal amounts of housework.
Post # 25
I would love if we had this policy but DH won’t agree to it. Even though I do all the cooking, I probably do 80% of the dishes as well. I don’t love it, but since I started working from home I have a lot more time and tend to do almost all of the housework myself.
Post # 26
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
My husband cooks and then does most of the dishes. He cleans as he cooks though. I’ll help with the dishwasher and I usually help out with the prepwork.
As far as housecleaning, I clean the bathroom, dust, and pick up my own clutter, he does most of the vacuuming. We both do laundry.
Post # 27
When things are normal at work and we’re keeping the same hours, we have this policy. I’m usually in charge as far as I plan the menus and assign us both errands to run and we take turns cooking and cleaning. Although as time goes by, DH is getting a lot more proactive and taking more ownership in thinking about what errands need to be completed and what we should make for dinner. Right now is an exception since he’s been staying at work really late, so I’ve been picking up more work at home to compensate. He rarely cooks during his busy time since he doesn’t get home until 8 or 9 and I do as much cleaning as possible so he isn’t overwhelmed.
We also clean together every weekend, he always does the floors/garbage/surfaces and I do the bathrooms and kitchen.
Post # 28
I guess we are crazy – but I do pretty much everything around the house. I went to culinary school, so cooking isn’t really a chore for me – and I am a clean freak by nature, so I’m always cleaning.
A lot of it comes from the fact that Fiance works out of state 6 months a year, so I am used to cleaning/cooking etc. by myself.
Post # 29
I do both. I cook because I LOVE to cook and plan meals, plus I do it faster and with alot less mess. I also usually do the dishes,though he clears the table and rinses things. It ended up this way because he really truly hates to do dishes, and I don’t mind, plus I also do those alot faster. The trade off is I do NOT do laundry. I hate it. I hate folding. I will lie whine and cajole until I get out of it. So now, he does that, and the kitchen is all mine, just the way like it.
Post # 30
We don’t have a hard and fast rule about this, it just tends to be the way it works out. When I was a teenager, my Mom started my brother and I cook and the rule was that the other would clean. This lead to a series of accusations about intentionally using more dishes than the occasion called for, so the rule was changed to the person cooks also cleans. This lead to a series of creative one pot/pan meals.