(Closed) One day in the life of a victim

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Don’t take this the wrong way, but… as I was reading this, over and over I just kept wanting to tell you, ‘I love you.’ Because I felt like someone should. Honestly, at this moment I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and give you a huge hug.

I’m so, so sorry that you lived through this.

I don’t know if you are spiritual at all, but I come from a Christian background. We are taught that our men are supposed to love us ‘as Christ loved his church.’ This includes protecting us in EVERY way, especially emotionally. It’s easy to die for your wife- but as a husband you are expected to LIVE and sacrifice for her, too. (Some in our faith fail miserably to fully impress the meaning and importance of this on our men, and instead use it to exploit their wives, but that’s a whole different can of worms.)

What happened to you was every bit as wrong and as devastating as physical abuse. My heart broke for you over and over as I was reading this. I sincerely hope that you are in a better place now, and that if you haven’t already, that you end up finding a man who treats your life with more respect and dignity than even his own.

Post # 4
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am so sorry about what you went through. I think a lot of the posts saying they wouldn’t tolerate abuse, they also mean non physical abuse, emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, and it sounds like you suffered sexual abuse too, I am so sorry 🙁 There is a difference between basic unhappiness that can be fixed in a marriage, and severe emotional trauma

Post # 7
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Aquababes:  We’re all here to support you, let it out 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Aquababes:  I just realized you also wrote the other post with the poll in it about ‘forever.’

I had an ex (when I was very very young) who isolated me from my friends at the time, and was also controlling, stemming from his own insecurity and jealousy issues- though it was NOTHING compared to what you’ve been though. Nothing.

SOOO so proud of you for not taking him back- don’t do that to yourself. And extra proud of you for breaking it off in the first place. Most women can’t. Hang in there… you’re already head and shoulders ahead of most women who have been in your shoes. And when you think about it, the worst is behind you. <3

Post # 10
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Wow. I almost didn’t realize such a scummy media-stereotypical guy like this actually existed anymore in our generation, and if so, that he wouldn’t be forever alone with his hand. This is the incomprehensibly disgusting fiance/boyfriend you used to see in 90s movies before the girl found her dream guy. I don’t know if I’ve read about a worse guy on here (non-physically abusive, even though it borderlined it when he pushed you down to his crotch. Gross.). Everything that comes out of his mouth is just… can’t even find a word! It’s abhorrent, virulent, regurgitated spew. He’s the complete and utter slime of the earth. People like this should simply not even exist. Anywhere. Ever.

I’m truly sorry for you =( I’m glad you got away from him. I hope whenever he tries to pick any girl up ever again, they just scoff and roll their eyes. It probably sounds harsh, but to me, people like this provide nothing for society in any way, shape, or form, and really just shouldn’t be allowed to live. Congratulations on your freedom! I hope you will be able to overcome it much sooner rather than later, and are not scarred from such a terrible relationship. There are good guys out there, and I’m sure you’ll find one worthy of your kindness. 

Post # 11
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Aquababes:  My heart breaks for you that you had to go through something so horrible. I’m so thrilled for you that you no longer live that life. You deserve so much more, and one day you will have it. I’ve been following your posts and your journey, and I admire you for taking your life back and even in your own pain and tumult wanting to stick around here to lend support to other Bees.

I won’t go into all of the details, but I can relate to your story. My first serious boyfriend was an emotional manipulator and used to use my mental health issues (depression) as a way to bring me down. He was needy and controlling but would pitch a fit if I showed “overdependence” or felt the need to “take over his life.” It broke what little self-esteem I had, and to this day I am still fighting some of the after effects of that relationship.

Then there’s ExH. We had been together for 4 years (to the day) when we married, and I thought we knew everything we needed to know to be comfortable enough to pledge forever like you asked about in a recent poll. We had all of the important conversation and laid out our values side by side and took earnest inventory of our souls. By the time it all fell apart, I truly understood the insidious nature of benign neglect. He loved me, truly. We even tried counseling, but it wasn’t enough. Sometimes the unhappiness is simply too deep and the hurt too much to overcome. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting and watching for everything to backslide yet again. 

(((((HUGS))))) to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Post # 12
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Aquababes:  My goodness. This was terribly emotional to read. I am so sorry for you, but so pleased that you’re free from this man. In no way do I mean to compare what you’ve gone through, but this is very much what my relationship with my mother was/has been like (obviously without the sexual parts). She is narcissistic. Extremely so. Have you looked into narcissism? It’s a form of psycological abuse to be in a relationship (whether mother/daughter or boyfriend/girlfriend) with someone like this. They are extremely good at belittling us to make us stop believing in ourselves. We only believe what they have taught us to believe.

I absolutely applaud you for getting out. It’s not easy but you’ve taken the most loving action you could have. I am so impressed but I know that it’s a long long road ahead of you. I wish you all the very best x

Post # 13
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have to agree some other things that this man says are unbelievable it doesn’t even sound real. 

Run and never look back. You are also an angel now and you can fly away. 

It’s going to take some time to heal so take all that you need to make sure you know who you are so that you never get into a relationship like this again. Hugs

 

Post # 14
Member
3964 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

… who else will put up with your mood swings but me? Nobody loves you like me baby…

These are almost the EXACT words my ex would use on a regular basis.  We were together six years from a young age.  Like you I never refused sex (or anal or roleplay or whatever took his fancy), I thought it was love.  It took me over a year to pluck up the courage to leave.  And even though it was the best decision I ever made it was also the most difficult.

Well done for being so brave! We love you.

Post # 15
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow what an asshole. Sorry that you had to go through such a horrible relationship with someone THAT awful. I feel awful for any woman who has to deal with that lame excuse of a man. What you really need to focus on is that you were strong enough to LEAVE. Not many woman can say the same and are stuck in that vicious kind of relationship. I don’t know you personally but I can tell you are quite a strong and courageous woman. ((hugs))

Post # 16
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Aquababes, reading your thread that was me nine years ago, I was sexually abused along with the other abuse and as a result I ended up with PTSD. Sending you huge hugs and all the love in the world. You are so brave, it takes a lot of guts to tell other people what happened and I really applaud you for being able to, it can be such a huge help not to have to keep silent.

I know how difficult it is to pick yourself up and start again but the worst bit is over. I never thought I’d be able to be with another man but now I have the most wonderful, kind and understanding Fiance, we get married in 7 months, there is light at the end of the tunnel. That disgusting vile man is in the vast minority, most men would never subject anyone to anything like that. Give yourself time to heal and try to fix in your mind that he was vile and you are an amazing, strong woman who deserves to be treated with love kindness and respect by everyone in your life.

Huge hugs again xxx

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