(Closed) One for the housewives …

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: In terms of money do your husband...
    Give you something like an allowance : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Make you co-cardholder so you have your own card to use as you wish : (64 votes)
    76 %
    Give you money only when you need to buy something : (6 votes)
    7 %
    Neither of the above : (11 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Though I’m not yet married, my fh and I plan on having a joint account plus our own individual accounts…I think having an “allowance” is ridiculous.

    Post # 4
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Darling Husband and I have joint everything and all money is shared equally.  Both names are on all accounts, cards, etc.  It is OURS.  Not HIS or MINE.

    I would refuse to be with a man who though it was okay to give me an allowance as a grown woman.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I am a stay at home wife (soon to be SAHM), and my hubby is the sole income for our family. However, I keep the finances organized. We both share a savings and checking account at our credit union and both have our own cards. I am very frugal and Darling Husband is no millionaire, so if its something that I want then I’ll ask Darling Husband if its ok…like I wanted to buy a book a few weeks ago, so instead of just spending his money, I asked first. If I need razors, shampoo etc I just buy it. Since we are so tight on money Darling Husband will discuss with me too, what’s doable as far as buying a “want” item.

    Post # 6
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m not a housewife but one of my best friends is a Stay-At-Home Mom (she was a Stay-At-Home Wife before the kids came along) so it’s kind of along the same lines. They have joint finances so she has full access to all of their money whenever she needs it.

    Personally, I think having an allowance is outrageous and I would never, in a million years, agree to that. When we eventually have a baby I’ll be staying home and I’ll be damned if my husband treats me like a child by giving me $X amount of money to spend per week. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I know someone who had an allowance, cannot say they had the best relationship, but it was 15K a month, and that was in the 1990s (okay, it was my mum!).  So, I guess I wouldn’t totally mind having that kind of an “allowance.”  But, they also had two homes they were managing bills for.

    Anyhow, Darling Husband and I view every.single.thing. as both of ours, so we share everything, but we also discuss any purchases.  We love to grocery shop, so we even do that together!  (Not that we have to.)

    Post # 8
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We aren’t married yet, but we do have a joint account on everything. We live on his income alone, and so we set up a budget. We both have access to the credit card (wedding stuff) and “shared” accounts (for groceries, necessities, dinners with both of us or with the kids), and we both have personal accounts (if I want lunch out by myself or with friends or if I want books or shoes or a craft project that is really only my doing, even if it’ll be in the house for everyone to see, but this is rare; he usually insists that I get things like that with the joint account). Each payday, the same amount gets transferred into each of our personal accounts. So there is a limit, but it’s the same for both of us. I think of it as a budget, though, not an allowance. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    When my brothers and I were very young my Mom stayed home with us and I believe she had an allowance.  I’m almost 100% certain that she would now say that was a BAD idea because she didn’t really know what was going on with the money, and it allowed the breadwinner to have too much control.  She went back to work when I was 9 and still had an allowance of about $6K a month to pay bills but I think she would even say that was bad because since my Dad gave her that money, he didn’t feel the need to be transparent about the rest of the $35K a month that he was bringing in.  It resulted in him not being wise and spending too much money on crap like art and electronics and I feel like it hurt their chances at retiring early, which they so could have done had he actually saved during that time period.

     

    okay I am rambling.  Allowance…not okay!  

    Post # 10
    Member
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    We have a joint account, and if either if us wants to spend more than $100 we consult the other first. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Yeah, allowance just seems like a bad idea because you are not a child.  I think that both people contribute, regardless of who stays home, and should be considered equals and discuss openly their spending.  That is, again, at least how we approach things.  I can see it being different for different relationships, but I think open honesty and equality is important in a relationship whether it is about money, or whatever else- and an allowance does not seem very conducive to that.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Darling Husband is the only one with an income right now and we have a joint checking and savings account. I’m the frugal budgeter and he likes to spend money, but I would be offended if he tried to give me an allowance.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My Mom was/is a stay-at-home wife (my Dad forced her to quit her job once they married because he was old-fashioned in the day – 1970s – and felt women shouldn’t work once they married) and then a stay-at-home-mother. She got a monthly allowance that was for herself (personal items, like clothing) and once I was born, it stopped, because she then was put onto bank accounts and credit cards. She no longer had a “personal” allowance once I was born – I have no idea why.

    Whether we’re talking pre-me-being-born or post, anything that needed buying, that wasn’t grocery-related, was always with my Dad’s permission (from bath towels to a new hand-mixer). My Mom used to be in “charge” of the household finances (meaning she opened the envelopes when they arrived in the mail), but it was with a money allowance that my Dad gave her after she went to him with what the bills for the month equaled and he gave her the money to cover it.

    My Dad was very old-fashioned, “head of the household, king of the castle.”

    Post # 14
    Member
    1417 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Renee37:   I’m a house girlfriend haha

       I work only part time and thats only during the school year. We share everything. Our names are on each account. We both have cards, and we both share our cash that we have.

      We do ask when we want to make big purchases tho but other than that, we don’t reallyfeel the need to ask because its kinda whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours kind of thing.

    Post # 15
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My friend is joint on everything but gets $400 a month as her “allowance”. She has her own account and she keeps it In there. If she wants to splurge she can, or save for something she can. She also uses this money to go out with friends or whatever. She likes it because it feels like hers, she also uses that money to buy gifts for her husband.

    Post # 16
    Member
    276 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    hmm, I might fall under the “allowance” category. I can see how some people would feel it’s childish etc, but honestly I like the safety of having it that way. He doesn’t nickel and dime what the weeks costs are, groceries or whatever. When I tell him I have grocery shopping to do he leaves a few hundred on our dresser to spend how I want. He doesnt expect change or explanations, If I want something than I’ll put the effort to bargain shop and have more left over. We aren’t married yet, but have bought a house and living together. Once we’re married we will have one of our accounts joint for purchases he or I don’t want to pass up (things for the house on sale etc)

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