Post # 1
i recently found out that my bf had sex with his ex-wife shortly after we met, before we were official”. She is very resentful that he is with me now and sent me a message on facebook. She said it was an ongoing thing but he texted her about the fact she lied, it was only once and she admitted that was the case.
I’m hurt and upset that he didn’t tell me, but I think a lot of people had sex with an ex kind of one last time after they break up but before they officially get together with someone else. Am I wrong?
Did you? I’m still trying to figure out how, and whether, to move on.
Post # 2
This is why one’s prior life is one’s own, and should be padlocked.
“Not telling you” does NOT mean telling a lie. If you or he cannot move on, don’t attempt to establish a relationship with him. If you’re going to waste time being “hurt and upset” that he didn’t tell you about something that was none of your business, you will have NO time left over to develop a wonderful trusting relationship with him in the present.
What EX does or doesn’t do is her problem, not yours or his. Block her and ignore her.
If you can go forward in a relationship, you BOTH need to commit to being faithful and monogamous, IF that is the sort of relationship you choose.
EVERYBODY has a life that happened BEFORE……..How you both choose to handle that is no one else’s business, least of all a jealous and possessive ex spouse.
Post # 3
If you two weren’t exclusive yet, that sounds worth moving on from. He didn’t betray you. You weren’t exclusive. He was probably sorting his feelings out. And keep that ex out of your lives! She’s trouble.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2015 - Historic Mansion
I had sex with my ex the week I began talking with my now husband. I told him after we got together. I didn’t feel obligated to, but I just wanted to. I woudn’t give this woman any credence bee, as she seems very spiteful.
Post # 5
ann.reid.9277: I agree. If we are moving forward i need to let the past be the past and being upset about this will only give the jealous ex exactly what she wants.
i get that he didn’t know where we were going and what we had, I do. I think the difficulty lies in the fact that from the day I met him, I’ve never thought of anyone else. I kno different people feel different things at different times, and I want to move on. I do. I love him.
I also hate drama. I don’t want to cause it or be a part of it.
i think I’m scared because I love him so much and when you love someone you are vulnerable
Post # 6
ann.reid.9277: since they had sex AFTER she was already talking to her boyfriend I do believe it IS her business. Of she had competition she should have been made aware.
When I met my now husband I was talking to a few people and was upfront and honest with everyone from the get go. I wasn’t sleeping with them but they still had a right to know of Iwas interested in anyone else even.
Post # 7
Fiance took an ex gf to a birthday party the weekend before we met officially. I don’t like this EXgf but Fiance claims they never got intimate again once they called it quits. Not much I can do since we weren’t together even if they had.
I say try to put it out of your mind… but from experience I know it’s hard not to wander back to “what ifs” and other scenarios.
Post # 8
I had sex with my ex before I was with anyone else but he was in another relationship (I found out about it AFTER we slept together I had no idea he was with her when it happened). I’m not proud of it but I did message his new girlfriend and let her know what happened, partially because I felt guilted he had cheated on someone with me but also partially out of spite (not something I’m proud of). If he had just been talking to someone or seeing someone casually I wouldn’t have felt any need to let them know we slept together but since it was an actual relationship I considered him to have cheated on her.
If the two of you were just “talking” and not actually in a relationship I would say it’s a different situation entirely and wouldn’t consider it cheating. I also wouldn’t consider him a liar for not telling you. If you really care about him and believe that the sex was one time, before you got together, then I think you should move on and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 9
Mrslovebug: I disagree and actually think it is a bit presumptious for someone to assume they are entitled to full disclosure so early on in the relationship. I would think it would be a bit offputting for someone to say on the second date “oh, by the way, I had lunch with x on thursday and have a planned date with y next week. I think you are entitled to know”
Post # 10
I was sleeping with my ex while I was talking to two guys, on of them is my now fiance. It’s not something I’m proud of and it didn’t help me accomplish anything by sleeping with him, but at the time I thought it was helping. Once things for more serious with my fI and we knew we liked each other I cut off my ex.
Post # 11
I had a one-last-timer with an ex, but it was before I started dating or even “talking” to anyone else. It was maybe a couple weeks after we broke up.
I also had an ex that slept with his ex-girlfriend before we were official, but after we started sleeping together. Certainly a worse infraction than the OP’s guy, but it still really didn’t bother me. We weren’t official, in fact, it was this incident that led to the conversation where we became official.
OP- let it go, ignore the ex, block her, whatever.
Post # 12
This is a way touchy subject where everyone is going to have a totally different opinion. I personally never really understood the official unofficial status thing. To me, living in this world that we live in with multiple point of views, I am very clear on a first date of what I want and expect. I feel that if there’s going to be any sort of holding hands or kissing I need to know their views on official and only seeing each other and only talking to each other by this point. So i ask lol. Not everyone likes this or agrees… But that’s the point to find the ones that do agree with relationship “norms/rules” so I can continue dating them ( everyone will have a different norms/rules no one is right or wrong but hopefully you are seeing someone that shares your views)
.. But if you did not tell him any of this then “technically” he’s not obligated to tell you who he’s being and not seeing during this interim time. Should he? That’s debatable I think YES but not everyone will feel that way. It sucks because I would feel exactly how you feel. What sucks even more is that if you still want to be with him you do have to get over it arguing and festering and nitpicking or random comments are just going to make things worse and cause a wedge between you guys which is exactly what the eX wants which is why she made the stupid comment to begin with. I’m sorry you feel this way. It sucks. plain n simple
Post # 13
Let. It. Go. There are more important things out there to think about and this is really not something you want to get hung up on.
Post # 14
Since you guys weren’t offically together and/or exclusive, he didn’t even owe it to you to tell you so personally I think that proves what a good guy he actually is. I would move on from it and just block his apparent crazy bitch ex. I mean I can’t believe what a child she is acting like. As PPs have said bee, just block her on everything you don’t need her spiteful meddling in your life.
Post # 15
daisyb214: I also wanted to add that, unless they have a child together, there is no reason that your SO should be entertaining any communication with his ex either. Cut her out and don’t feed into her drama.
I had to deal with a crazy ex as well, in same situation I mentioned above. She showed up at his apartment and pushed her way in and tried to get physical with me then left screaming about how I was a bitch and a whore so that the entire apartment building could hear her at 2 in the morning. She also showed up at a bar when we were there and threw a glass at us which shattered on the ceiling and cut the guy at the table next to us on his neck. She sent countless facebook messages to me calling me out, then apologizing for her behavior, then calling me out again, she was crazy. You don’t want to be dealing with that.