One last update

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2349 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m glad. This is a really good outcome. You have a forgiving fiance

Post # 3
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Forgiveness in a relationship makes it strong.  Not easy to do.  Good luck to you both.

Post # 4
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Glad to hear it lovey!!!

Post # 5
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really glad everything was resolved, and you feel good, but I do think someone should point out that you obviously are NOT 100% fulfilled in your relationship in every way, or this wouldn’t have happened. That’s ok, and doesn’t mean you have to break up. And maybe you didn’t even realize you felt that way, and still might not understand it. But brushing this under the rug as a stupid choice without examining why you made it makes it that much more likely it will happen again.

Post # 6
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
saratiara2 :  I agree.

OP, I’m really glad this seems to be working out for you guys, and I hope it remains good. 

However, I do feel you are being a little blase about this.

It wasn’t a lapse in judgement. A lapse in judement is a momentary thing.

This is something you KNEW going in could be dangerous, yet you chose to proceed anyways. 

AFTER the connection developed between you guys, you chose to give your number.

Then, you chose to engage in sexting with another person. 

This is a series of choices you took over the period of multiple days, which led to betraying your partner.

There is either something lacking in the relationship, or something lacking inside YOU for this to have happened.

A LOT more work needs to be done to figure out which it was/is, and to fix it so that you can be a better partner for your Fi in the future.

In your Fi’s shoes, I don’t think I could have forgiven you, even if I tried and I wanted to, so this is no small thing he’s doing here. And it may take him a LOT of time to actually be able to let go of this. So don’t necessarily expect smooth sailing ahead.

Post # 7
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This sounds good, but you should prepare yourself for the possibility that he will have trust issues from time to time. You should do everything in your power (including letting him read your texts) to assuage those concerns. 

Post # 8
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

That’s great he’s giving you another chance, but I think you need to really think about why this happened in the first place. If it happened once it can happen again unless you make some real changes in yourself and your relationship. You really do need to do some soul-searching to figure out what caused you to do this in the first place. The fact that he has forgiven you so easily is not necessarily a good thing if it just gets brushed under the carpet. You guys really do need to get to the bottom of what caused it to prevent it happening again.

Post # 9
Member
7698 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like good news, Bee. As PPs have already stated, be prepared that he may be ultra aware of your actions and be suspicious for a long time. You have broken his trust and you may have to prove yourself over and over and over again before that trust is restored. 

Do consider individual counseling to address why you were willing to risk your relationship. Do you have a history of self-sabotage? 

Post # 10
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

“Lapse in judgment.” Uh, guess you can call it that. Lol

Post # 11
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee

Well, at least he knows he’s marrying a cheat so he wont be surprised if it happens again.

Post # 12
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
arosebyanyothername :  I’m cracking up because I thought the exact same thing in those exact words. 

Post # 13
Member
7508 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I disagree with the previous bees. A person can be fulfilled in their relationship and still make a foolish choice. It can be easy to get carried away when a person feels flattered. That doesn’t mean that she would ever have become physical with the other guy; indeed, it’s a big jump to go from media flirting/sexting (with no photos) to a physical relationship. In the “old days” before texting, I flirted with a guy from work, and he flirted back. But within a week, we both realized what was going on and we simultaneously stopped. Neither of us meant for anything to get out of hand. But at that time, we could walk away with no harm done. Not so with electronic communication.

So, OP, I think you need to remember the lesson this hopefully taught you. THINK before you reply to anyone on a phone or online. People often forget that electronic communication is FOREVER. In the past when people made stupid mistakes and flirted with someone else, they could remember it with a blush and assume the world would never know. But that isn’t true anymore, and people’s impulses haven’t yet adjusted to the fact that nothing electronic is private.

Good luck. I wouldn’t classify you as a bad person. We all make mistakes, and you were lucky enough to catch your mistake before it became unforgivable, IMO.

Post # 14
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
echomomm :  Your mentality is to warn the OP that she shouldn’t engage in cheating behavior in the future because there are receipts now and she may get caught. 

I’m not suprised you’re defending her actions as just simply “foolish.”

Post # 15
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
echomomm :  I don’t think you can compare flirting to sexting. Maybe if your flirting included telling one other what you wanted to do to them sexually…

I think it’s easy to get caught up in a flirty conversation with someone, but I feel like you’d have to know what your doing if things get sexual. 

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