- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
I’m still a little in shock right now, but I am going to try to keep this post as focused as possible. My wedding is on June 24, and the planning has been coming along great, everything seems to be falling into place, our honeymoon is booked and (almost) paid-off! I have been riding a “pre-wedding high” for the past few weeks and so excited to marry my fiance, who I have been with now for about 5 1/2 years.
Well, last night my fiance came home and was acting strangely. He was very “snippy” and stand-offish which is very unlike him. (He is normally super affectionate and just a plain ol’ sweetheart). I was a little angry, but I left him alone and worked on ceremony programs in another room. At about 10:30pm he comes into the room and says “Can we talk?” so I of couse said sure and turned off the show I was watching. He then sits in silence for what feels like an eternity and says “there’s no easy way to say this or good time to say this but…. I have a daughter and she is 5 years old”.
Bees, I couldn’t breathe. I was (am) in complete and utter shock. The mother and daughter now live out of the country, and my fiance only found out two months ago that he was the father of the child. (She became pregnant before I entered the picture, so there was no cheating involved… just a careless accident).
The mother apparently does not want anything from my fiance… She is now married with additional children with her husband. She told my Fiance that she will allow him to be involved in his daughters life, or take his paternity to the grave if that is what he wants. My Fiance found out about this back in March, and claims he has tried to tell me multiple times but gotten scared every time and backed out.
I am struggling, bees. My fiancee is a good man. No. A GREAT man. He is clearly struggling with this news and is feeling all sorts of emotions- anger that he didn’t know, sadness that he has never met his daughter….guilt. That he doesn’t “feel” love for this little girl he has never met. I want to support him but I don’t know how I can move on from this. Aside from the possible financial implications of having a child, I can’t help but feel like…maybe I will never look at my fiance (husband) the same way again. I wonder if I will feel the joy that I imagine to feel when we are pregnant with our first child, because…. it’s not his first child. I wonder if I can recite my vows to him, or look him in the eye during our first dance and not let my mind wander to this woman and child I’ve never met.
Part of me wishes he had never told me. That I could remain blissfully unaware, as I have for the entirety of our relationship. I’m set to see alot of family and friends this weekend and I know the conversation will likely center around the wedding and plans, and I feel like I would rather just shut the world out. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for by writing this. My Fiance isn’t sure whether or not he plans to tell anyone else, and I just feel like I have nobody to talk to about how I feel. I don’t want to burden him with these thoughts because this is obviously a very difficult thing for him, too.
Sorry for the ramblings.