(Closed) One more update.. need advice! :(

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I agree with what the other bees have said. It may well be time to cut your losses and move on. I don’t think it’s a good sign that he let you move out. It really annoys me when guys give lip service like “soon” and “trying.” No… do or do not, there IS no try! After a certain number of years together no matter how nice the guy, if you are not on the same page with priorities and your future, it really is time to say goodbye. I don’t like saying this because somewhere deep inside I’m scared this could be me. I wish you the best of luck but make the right decision not just for you now, but for your future self.

Post # 17
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee

I dated someone just like your BF when I was in my 20’s. He was getting his business off the ground and over time it became clear to me that I would never be #1 in his life. I knew he loved me but the business was his baby.  

 

12 years later, I’m happily married with a baby on the way and he is still a bachelor….a bachelor worth tens of millions, but a bachelor.  I’m so glad I knew when to walk away because I don’t know if he’ll ever get married.  

Post # 18
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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girltalk300 :  if you don’t have a Ring and a WEDDING DATE set then NOTHING has changed…other than future children becoming less likely as you age….

Post # 19
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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msmeow85 : I agree! You may want to consider taking your own advice…frightening as it can be. You deserve more as does the op here. 

Post # 20
Member
21 posts
Newbee

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girltalk300 :  I personally think you deserve better.  I totally get you feeling like you’re making a bad decision leaving because he is a good guy. There are other good men who actually want to marry. And make time for you. You may be a good guy but not a good boyfriend or life partner for you…and honestly, maybe for no one!! What woman actually wants to suffer from lack of affection, sex, and quality time?? I agree with the bee on here that the life long bachelor life sounds more correct for him. Truth is, at his age, he is set in his ways. He had his opportunities to change. You even moved out. That’s huge. He’s “changed” but not really. Not in the concrete 180 degree ways that you need and deserve. I also agree with other bees who said he probably won’t change even if he did end up having kids with you. You would truly probably end up an unhappy wife taking care of the kids at home, and though from the outside you’d look fulfilled, fianancially taken care of, you’d be deeply unhappy when husband chooses work over the kids sports game, eats your dinner but doesn’t have time or energy for you sexually. You deserve better!! Leave this bachelor. It doesn’t make you a bad person. And it’s not saying he’s a bad person. It just means you aren’t getting what you need and you respect yourself enough to find it elsewhere.

Post # 21
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Girl, we had this talk before. I extra looked it up. 10 months ago. Unless you are getting younger you need to leave sweetheart. Because it is not better “enough” in ten months to warrent staying and I you know it it probably/ most likely/ don’t kid yourself won’t be better in another. 

Only you’ll be a year older, a year-ful more resentful AND you’ll be even more scared to leave. 

I stayed 11 years. E L E V E N years. Don’t do it to yourself. It only gets harder, not easier.

 

Post # 22
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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girltalk300 :  This is not an update.  Nothing has changed.

When you FIIIINNNNAAAAAALLLY just make a clean break from this guy for good, you’ll meet someone else and be so mad you didn’t do it sooner.  Don’t let future self be mad for ONE. MORE. DAY.  Literally.  Leave this guy today and never look back.

He will never change.  I repeat – he will never change.

Post # 23
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

Seems like you know what you need to do, but can’t bring yourself to do it.

How are things going financially? Have you been able to protect your interests in the company you helped build?

I replied to your previous posts and I don’t have anything else to add. But you don’t seem to be thriving in this situation, bee. You deserve to live a rich, full, happy life. 

Post # 26
Member
10210 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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girltalk300 :  

Oh gawd, not *this* again.  You would probably be engaged by now if you had behaved yourself, young lady.  Which means no bringing up topics he doesn’t want to hear about. This is how they shut you down.

Talk.  That’s all you get.  Talk.

Sounds like some healthy part of you is taking over and closing the door on this guy.

Post # 29
Member
10210 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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girltalk300 :  

a.  His mind doesn’t work the way yours does.  He’s not secretly fretting about your loyalty.  He’s peeved about being inconvenienced.

b.  His emotional state is not your responsibility.

Post # 30
Member
7971 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He likes the idea of you but doesn’t truly value you as a business or life partner. When you list the attributes of a good, solid, happy and loving relationship what you have with this guy doesn’t measure up. Why are you still waiting for someone who isn’t in the same place? 

Move on. Not just across the street. You have helped this man to build this business, do you even own a percentage of it? Why are you staying in a situation that lacks respect, intimacy or a defined future? Why should it be enough that he’s finally willing to try? Trying doesn’t cut it. 

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