One more update.. need advice! :(

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 91
Member
11 posts
Newbee

elderbee :  Agree 100% if he does not step up soon he is full of it, but based on OP it sounds like she is confident he would now step up.

This is what’s mindboggling, she got what she want but now she does not want it?  OP just seems like the type that cant ever be happy and will always be searching for something she wont ever get.

Her guy clearly has issues, but dont they all?  His seem alot less than most.  

OP is clearly fighting with herself because if you go back and review all the posts its almost as if 2 people are speaking–1 thats in love and wants to spend the rest of her life with him and another thats miserable and cant wait to get rid of the guy.  

Just does not make any sense how it can be both extremes and my guess is if she got the proposal in a very very SHORT  reasonable amount of time the 2nd part would go away and she would be  in love and her issues would all go away based off everything she keeps saying and if she doesnt get it asap she needs to move forward with her life and never look back again.

 

Post # 92
Member
4877 posts
Honey bee

Shesaidyes :  +1000. So much  THIS

OP. glossing over the fact that your most recent post is another non-update, this guy is being ridiculous. Wtf is he crying over when the ball is- & always has been- in his court?! I would feel sorry for someone who was heartsick because their partner didn’t want a future with them, but in your BF’s case, he could have what he (allegedly claims!) to want if he would just STEP THE FUCK UP! That’s literally all he has to do- which wouldn’t be a big deal if he truly wanted what he claims he wants. He’s in his 40s ffs, your bio clock is TICKING LIKE THIS to quote Marrissa Tomei, you’ve been devoted to him for years, even helping him build his business with no equity or security for yourself. What the fuck is he waitng for?!

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to open up to anyone else again after this! His absolutely narcissistic and nauseating level of self- pity and self-absorption is repugnant. Where are his tears for what he’s put YOU through? For how unhappy YOU are? It’s all about him 24/7 to the point of pathology.

He wants one last chance. But ONLY one last chance that doesn’t actually require him to do anything right now or in the near future, only a last chance that is really all about buying himself more time to mislead you so he can have his way in the here and now.. What he actually wants is to string you along some more on his terms and to have you be okay with it.

Post # 93
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

So I didn’t read everything, but it seems like you don’t believe he has changed. What would he be able to do to show you that he’s changed? Figure that out.

When I was in a similar situation with my last relationship, I struggled for months whether or not to end things. I finally asked myself that question. I needed to see him SHOW me love, not just tell me. And to pull his weight with the household tasks. I eventually told him not to tell me he loves me anymore, but to show it to me. For about a week he was able to do that, but quickly went back to his old ways.

Maybe what I did was wrong, but it helped me make the decision and now I’m with a wonderful man that shows me love, and not just tells me what I want to hear.

Post # 95
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Did you know most people fear change more than they fear death?  Yet statistics show change is very beneficial to us. I think what you are fearing most is this big change, and isn’t that a silly fear when you come right down to it?  You have struggled with this unhappiness for years yet you’re not fully able to give it up because change is so much scarier.  

 

So so don’t change anything. Let him make the decisions within his boundaries. And maybe you’ll be happy, but you’ll always wonder what if. And I do believe once you get married to him, that’s the day you’ll regret the most.  The day you’ll realize that your fear is ruling you.  Maybe you’ll get over that too.  

 

You only habe have one life to live. Make sure you don’t wish you had done things differently in the end. 

Post # 96
Member
5811 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

girltalk300 :  

You know what would be really great?  If you were to harness those writing skills of yours and channel them into projects that are worthwhile and productive.

That would be great.

Post # 97
Member
5182 posts
Bee Keeper

girltalk300 :  

I’m sorry OP, I cant follow  you any more , it’s not the length of your posts,  its that they are  going absolutely nowhere,  and it seems obvious to me now that you  are using this board to avoid  doing  anything in your real life   .

Good luck , and  I hope it all works out . 

Post # 98
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

elderbee :  +1, I’m sorry to say.

OP, there’s nothing wrong with posting many long posts, and you seem like a good person and everything, but God, I just feel exhausted for you. I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

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