Post # 1
I’m not sure how to deal with it or what to say to her. :/ She has been in a relationship with a great guy for a long time, bad boy comes along and she told me she went out with him one night and ‘really messed up’… she won’t talk to me about it though. I don’t know what to say or do around her to help her at all. She’s shutting out her best friends at this point and we’re all worried about her.
Should I push it or try to talk to her or at least let her know I’m thinking about her… or leave her alone? I want to be there, I just don’t know how much good I can do her at the moment. It’s really hard because I am friends with her longtime boyfriend too and I love them together.
Post # 3
Oh wow :/ That is so awfully awkward. I would just keep being a good friend. Don’t be too pushy or in-her-face. It sounds like something she’ll have to come to you about. That really stinks though.
Post # 4
Let her know that you are there for her if she wants to talk. Pushing it too much could push her away. She has to deal with the shame.embarrassment and she may prefer to do that alone.
Post # 5
It sounds like she just wants to shut everyone out and pretend it never happened so it will just go away, but it’s not going to go away. She put you in a bad position telling you anything at all. Personally I would confront my friend and tell her she brought me into it so she better tell me what’s going on and what she plans to do about it. Just by telling you she showed a little bit of guilt… maybe she wants to fess up?
Post # 6
Let her know that you’re there for her, you won’t judge her, and you will keep the details in confidence. Then don’t push the issue. She will bring it up if she wants to talk to you about it.
Post # 7
It’s hard when a friend puts us in a position like this. The best thing you can do is be her friend and see what she says and does down the road.
Post # 8
I think it’s just best to let her know you’re there to talk, but not push it any further than that. This is probably a wildly confusing and weird time for her, and she might even be terrified or embarrassed. Just be there if you want to be, but if you can’t keep your feelings to yourself it’s probably best that you stay mum.
Post # 9
Oh, and also – do you WANT her to tell you if she doesn’t plan on telling her man? That is probably a lot of what is keeping her quiet. If she isn’t planning on telling him (yikes) then of course she won’t want to tell anyone, though she really shouldn’t have brought it up to you if she didn’t plan on telling him. So confusing.
Post # 10
Well, at least she knows she “really messed up” and seems to regret it. Perhaps she has learned her lesson and it will not be an issue in the future. Tell her you are there if she needs to talk, but don’t push her. And do not tell her boyfriend unless he directly asks you.
Post # 11
She’s probably a guilty mess right now. I think if she is shutting herself up to an alarming degree, you can push not the issue but her behavior after the fact, as you would if you saw her acting that way and didn’t know why she was (maybe you wouldn’t, but if I see a friend hermitting herself a way, I try to figure out what’s wrong and whether she needs help or to be left alone).
She’s possibly punishing herself for what she did, and possibly hates herself too much to allow herself any of the comforts of friendship. I know if I was in her place, I wouldn’t feel like I deserved friendship (I know that’s not the case, but it’s how I would feel).
You don’t need to guilt her because she already feels guilty, but you do need to make a choice to stay out of it or get involved. Getting involved may mean having to keep quiet to her boyfriend…can you live with that? Can you live with not talking to another living soul about this (I don’t mean on places like here where no one knows who either of you are, but I do mean with your friends, acquaintances, and maybe even SO)? Because this is the sort of secret between friends that is taken to the grave, or else the trust is betrayed forever.
Post # 12
I’ve been in this situation and it’s hard to know what to do. Unfortunately, I think she is going to have to figure things out on her own. Let her know you are concerned, let her know you are there for her if she should ever need it, but beyond that you need to step back. Suggest counseling for her, especially if this is really out of the ordinary for her behavior. She might be going through a rough time that she’s hidden from others and this is her outlet. You never know!
Post # 13
this type of situation is really tricky! it happened to us at our wedding! my matron-of-honor who was married to one my DH’s groomsmen cheated on him DURING our wedding with another groomsmen who just so happened to be my DH’s brother. it was extremely hard to keep a straight face around him, and not tell him because i didn’t want to be THAT person! good luck!
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I have a friend that cheats on all her boyfriends at some point and she manages to convince herself eventually that she didn’t cheat.
Anyways, I try not to push her or pry too much because I don’t want to think I’m judging her and I don’t want her to be embarassed or more upset. I usually only give her advice if she asks for it. In your situation, your friend seems to understand she did something wrong so if I were you I would just wait it out and not mention it to anyone. Just let her know you’re there for her no matter what.
Post # 15
I had a similar situation a few months back, and everyone else basically said it- just dont pry, but try to be a good friend and dont appear to judge. Maybe there’s something going on in their relationship she’s not opening up about. You can ask how she and her boyfriend are doing and see if that’d open a door to talk, but if not- all you can do is be there for her when she’s ready.
Post # 16
She’s told her bf, so that’s good. I guess. :/ I’m at least glad it’s out in the open between them. She won’t even talk to her roommate about it.
She seems to be doing better. I’m just letting her handle it and she knows she can talk to me whenenver. I’m really sad that they may break up though. It just hurts after seeing how long they’ve been together.