(Closed) One of my best friends is cheating…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh wow :/ That is so awfully awkward. I would just keep being a good friend. Don’t be too pushy or in-her-face. It sounds like something she’ll have to come to you about. That really stinks though.

Post # 4
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Let her know that you are there for her if she wants to talk. Pushing it too much could push her away. She has to deal with the shame.embarrassment and she may prefer to do that alone.

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like she just wants to shut everyone out and pretend it never happened so it will just go away, but it’s not going to go away. She put you in a bad position telling you anything at all. Personally I would confront my friend and tell her she brought me into it so she better tell me what’s going on and what she plans to do about it. Just by telling you she showed a little bit of guilt… maybe she wants to fess up?

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Let her know that you’re there for her, you won’t judge her, and you will keep the details in confidence. Then don’t push the issue. She will bring it up if she wants to talk to you about it.

Post # 7
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s hard when a friend puts us in a position like this.  The best thing you can do is be her friend and see what she says and does down the road.

Post # 8
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s just best to let her know you’re there to talk, but not push it any further than that.  This is probably a wildly confusing and weird time for her, and she might even be terrified or embarrassed.  Just be there if you want to be, but if you can’t keep your feelings to yourself it’s probably best that you stay mum.

Post # 9
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh, and also – do you WANT her to tell you if she doesn’t plan on telling her man? That is probably a lot of what is keeping her quiet. If she isn’t planning on telling him (yikes) then of course she won’t want to tell anyone, though she really shouldn’t have brought it up to you if she didn’t plan on telling him. So confusing.

Post # 10
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, at least she knows she “really messed up” and seems to regret it.  Perhaps she has learned her lesson and it will not be an issue in the future.  Tell her you are there if she needs to talk, but don’t push her.  And do not tell her boyfriend unless he directly asks you.

Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She’s probably a guilty mess right now.  I think if she is shutting herself up to an alarming degree, you can push not the issue but her behavior after the fact, as you would if you saw her acting that way and didn’t know why she was (maybe you wouldn’t, but if I see a friend hermitting herself a way, I try to figure out what’s wrong and whether she needs help or to be left alone).

She’s possibly punishing herself for what she did, and possibly hates herself too much to allow herself any of the comforts of friendship.  I know if I was in her place, I wouldn’t feel like I deserved friendship (I know that’s not the case, but it’s how I would feel).

You don’t need to guilt her because she already feels guilty, but you do need to make a choice to stay out of it or get involved.  Getting involved may mean having to keep quiet to her boyfriend…can you live with that?  Can you live with not talking to another living soul about this (I don’t mean on places like here where no one knows who either of you are, but I do mean with your friends, acquaintances, and maybe even SO)?  Because this is the sort of secret between friends that is taken to the grave, or else the trust is betrayed forever.

Post # 12
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve been in this situation and it’s hard to know what to do. Unfortunately, I think she is going to have to figure things out on her own. Let her know you are concerned, let her know you are there for her if she should ever need it, but beyond that you need to step back. Suggest counseling for her, especially if this is really out of the ordinary for her behavior. She might be going through a rough time that she’s hidden from others and this is her outlet. You never know! 

Post # 13
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

this type of situation is really tricky! it happened to us at our wedding! my matron-of-honor who was married to one my DH’s groomsmen cheated on him DURING our wedding with another groomsmen who just so happened to be my DH’s brother. it was extremely hard to keep a straight face around him, and not tell him because i didn’t want to be THAT person! good luck!

Post # 14
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

I have a friend that cheats on all her boyfriends at some point and she manages to convince herself eventually that she didn’t cheat.

Anyways, I try not to push her or pry too much because I don’t want to think I’m judging her and I don’t want her to be embarassed or more upset. I usually only give her advice if she asks for it. In your situation, your friend seems to understand she did something wrong so if I were you I would just wait it out and not mention it to anyone. Just let her know you’re there for her no matter what.

Post # 15
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I had a similar situation a few months back, and everyone else basically said it- just dont pry, but try to be a good friend and dont appear to judge. Maybe there’s something going on in their relationship she’s not opening up about. You can ask how she and her boyfriend are doing and see if that’d open a door to talk, but if not- all you can do is be there for her when she’s ready. 

The topic ‘One of my best friends is cheating…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors