- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I posted this as a follow-up to a post I’d started on this particular friend and bridesmaid a while back, but I’m putting it here under emotional board, as well, since I think it’s fitting and I would love some input and advice!! Original and detailed post was “I think I may have offended one of my 3 best friends” under “bridesmaids.” Thanks! . . . . .
Well, it’s been a while since I posted on this topic! I had no idea time had flown that quickly!
Sadly, to make a long story short, I thought from appearances, that my Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 had started to perk up just a little. Although any time I wanted to talk with her or meet up, I was always having to do all the arranging and was the only person taking initiative. Seemed she didn’t have much interest in my wedding, except to agree that I must be really busy with all the planning, etc.
So then, with my obviously awkward immediate family situation (see above for some details), I had to make a very, VERY agonizing decision . . . to invite my parents and sibiling, or not. My immediate family and my relationship with them hangs in the balance . . . so I finally made the only decision I felt at peace with. I decided, I would send invitations to them, and then, the ball would be in their court. They could come, but if they didn’t, they could never blame me for being the mean, black sheep of the family in not inviting them at all. I WANT them to be at my wedding . . . if they act nice. But I didn’t hold out high hopes they would be nice since they’ve only shown disapproval, etc.
I did this, and was happy to find that those closest to me were very happy with my decision, they knew it was mine and mine alone to make and it was a very tough call. VERY tough. So, I let Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 know of my decision to send the invitations to my immediate family (which at this point, still doesn’t guarantee they will even come!). Her reaction was definitely NOT anything I’d ever have expected!
She told me she thought I’d made a really BIG MISTAKE and that she was not comfortable with my family attending and so was not only not going to opt out of being my bridesmaid only a month prior to our wedding, but will not be attending our wedding AT ALL. She told me this via email. I was stunned. So hurt. And shocked. I thought this was a very self-centered response. She didn’t seem to think about me or my feelings or the fact I could really use those people I call close friends there to support me, if in fact my immediate family does attend. I seriously doubt they’d even speak to her, so I’m not sure what she was so concerned about. Beside, this is my wedding, not hers, so she’s not the main focuse even. And I don’t mean to come across as selfish, myself . . . but this really, really hurt coming from a girl I thought for the past 3 years or so was a good, good friend of mine! This was so out of the blue!! And seemingly so selfish and inconsiderate and judgmental!
All to say, I have NO CLUE how to respond, one way or the other. Her response was sent to me right before my bridal hair and makeup trial. I had to really work hard at cheering myself up and just enjoying the trial and the day spent with my sweet fiance without thinking about how hurt and stunned I felt, how indignant. I would think, a lot of girls would say, “This is IT. No friendship now! She’s not my friend!” and so on. I can see why. But I don’t know if this is a total deal-breaker, ruining any chance at friendship? Where do I draw the line? What do I say in response?
Please, help? I know she and I have had rough spots and she’s been inconsiderate before. But I honestly didn’t expect this, never been in this position in my life, really. Help??