- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
One of my bridesmaids is someone I truly love and once considered a soul-mate. I’m going to call her Stacy. She and I were attached at the hip for about 2 years, until life pulled us in separate directions — she had a baby and I relocated for my career to another state. I thought we’d remain as close as ever and I’ve had a difficult time with our current state of “friendship”.
What is bringing this on is that Stacy texted me last night and said, “I can’t wait to see you soon!!” I said, “Soon????? When???” and she never responded. I’m wondering if she even sent it to the right person.
She is one of those people who makes plans and breaks them constantly. She’s flighty. I lived in Nashville for a year and atleast 5 times she told me she was going to buy plane tickets for ___ weekend and come to see me. I would try to get ahold of her in the weeks leading up to confirm that she bought them and there’d be either no response or a simple text saying she won’t be able to make it, can’t afford it, can’t leave work, etc…always an excuse. YET she has made time and had the money to go to Vegas, Puerto Vallarta, Texas, Chicago, etc in those years.
Our phone conversations are incredibly short when they DO happen. It’s usually a text saying we need to make a phone date, and about 1 in 5 times that “date” actually occurs. And when it does, it’s a quick rushed conversation that covers just the basics of life and then she suddenly has to go. We talk about once a month but on a weekly basis she either comments on my Facebook or texts me about how much she misses me and can’t wait to see me and that we’ll make plans “soon”.
Since I relocated to where my fiance lives (2 years ago) she hasn’t made an effort to visit me here, either. We’ve made plenty of “plans” again but it’s the same story. We’ve discussed meeting half way for a weekend (a 3.5 hour trip for each of us) and she was really excited, and that hasn’t panned out either. I have been back home and spent nights at her house with her atleast 5 times in the last three years, and every time I go with some trepidation about how our relationship has changed, only to find that we pick right back up where we left off! I feel like I should be grateful for that….but I can’t help but be disappointed every time when the ‘relationship’ lets me down again.
Last summer, we had a long emotional talk about how I feel constantly disregarded as a friend of hers since I’ve moved away. Her excuse: she knows when we ARE together we have a great friendship and we pick right back up, so basically she doesn’t worry about our friendship “dying” like I do. After that conversation, we both agreed to make more of an effort to stay in touch.
This winter I had my baby shower back home. She helped my sister to host it, along with one of our other friends. In the middle of the shower Stacy just left. No word. Just gone. I tried to call her and get ahold of her and she wouldn’t answer. We had no idea what happened until the NEXT day when she finally called me and told me she “suddenly got sick” and went home and slept. It was REALLY odd the way she handled it.
Anyway, that was all background information and you’re probably wondering WHY on earth is she one of my bridesmaids????
Believe me, it was a hard decision. But I knew that if I didn’t ask her, she’d be devastated. She’s one of those people who truly DOES have a good heart and the best of intentions…she’s just the most flighty person I know and she is incredibly self-centered when it comes to plans. If it doesn’t work for her, she won’t do it. And if I hadn’t asked her, it SURELY would have been the end of our friendship. It would have been a symbol that I was letting her go completely. And I am not ready for that. Like I said, when we are TOGETHER it’s like we’re soulmates. We “get” each other.
But even though she swears she will be here for my wedding, I’m scared she’s going to bail…