(Closed) One of my bridesmaids is driving me crazy…

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8741 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I can kind of understand wanting to know what size you are going to be before ordering the dress.  I tend to fluctuate between two dress sizes, so I’ve been there, too but not at someone else’s expense.  In hindsight, you would have been better off with a specific dress and a  deadline.  Since you really don’t care whether she stays in the wedding party or not, my suggestion is back off – it’s  her problem.  If she doesn’t have the dress on time, you are happy to have her come as a guest.

If you  don’t think  the hairdresser sister is worth what  you’d pay for her airplane ticket, I think you have to tell her that the plane tickets were a lot more expensive than you had anticipated when you first discussed the idea.   Unfortunately, you can’t cover that kind of cost,  but she is welcome to come as a guest. 

Post # 4
2972 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I would definitely let her do her own thing at this point…if she gets the dress, great, if not…too bad. You have a lot of other things to be thinkng about besides her trying on dresses. Figure out what your other girls will do, and move on.

I would tell the sister that you can’t pay 700$ for her ticket, and that you have made other arrangements for hair.

Post # 5
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think it would be helpful to have a drop dead date on the dress.  Some people work better with deadlines, I know I do.   You can ask her to order her dress by X date. If she doesn’t, then it’s worth telling her she doesn’t have to be in the wedding party if it’s a financial burden.  You shouldn’t have to keep reminding her or worrying about it.


Regarding her sister, you should tell her sooner rather than later that you won’t be able to provide the plane ticket.  Just let her know that you were planning to spend X amount for hair and once you looked at the ticket prices, you realized it was over budget. 

Post # 6
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve had this problem with two of my bridesmaids and it ended differently for each. 

The first BM, I got the feeling she was really ignoring me. Something was off. It wasn’t just wedding stuff, it was everything. I eventually sent her a facebook message asking her if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid. She contacted me immediately and said yes she did. Fast forward 2 months later, she didn’t order her dress by her deadline, I told her it wasn’t going to work out (hardest thing I ever did!) and she agreed. Said she didn’t have the heart to tell me and thought I’d make the decision eventually. 

BM#2 also wouldn’t order her dress. Kept sending me messages without any real prompting from me (except one reminder initially) saying “I’ll go today” “I’ll go tomorrow” but she never did. I didn’t get the same feeling I did with the other BM from her though. I felt like maybe she was being lazy so I didn’t confront her about it. The store called me a few days after the deadline and told me I needed to get the BM in so they can order the other dresses as well. I told them to order the other two and to wait on the BM whenever she decided to do it. I told the store she was aware of possible rush fees. the next day, my BM texted me and said she was going to order the dress. I told her the store called me. She ordered the dress that day. 

So.. my advice is if you feel like she’s purposely ignoring you because she doesn’t want to be a part of the wedding, confront her. You can give her the “out” by saying you understand she’s busy and everything, but you need to know now if she still wants to be a part of things. 

If you get the feeling she’s just lazy, I would order the other dresses, tell her she HAS to order a dress in the colour you need and that the longer she takes, the more she runs the risk of paying late fees. Give her an exact deadline. If she has to pay more money, that’s her fault, not yours. 


Post # 7
45631 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you thought of picking up the phone and talking with her? It’s so much easier to ignore an email.

I would phone her and say that I just wanted to touch base, that I was concerned that something was happening in her life as she had not responded to my email. Talk about her, her BF -anything except your wedding. I am sure she wil appreciate a demonstration of interest in her life.

At some point you will get around to talking about the BM dress. Ask her if there is anything getting in the way of her ordering the dress?  Hopefully, she will either commit to buying the dress, or you can tell her that if she doesn;t get the dress on time, you are happy to have her attend as a guest if that is her choice.

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