(Closed) One of my bridesmaids is driving me crazy….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think your friend is just so obsessed with getting married herself that she’s having a hard time remembering it’s your day; I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose, from what you have said. Is she your MOH? If not, maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor (or another Bridesmaid or Best Man if she is) could nonchalantly say something the next time she starts making it all about herself, like “Oh, that is a pretty dress, but it almost looks like her gown and we all know how awful that would be!” 

You might want to stop bringing her with to stuff like cake testings, etc. It would be easy enough to make excuses like you are just bringing your mom with this time, or you and your fiance want to handle that. 

If it gets worse, you can talk with her, but I think you can find some more discrete ways to bring it to her attention without explicitly having to tell her. This will save her embarrassment or anger and you from an awkward conversation! Good luck!

Post # 4
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh, that does sound difficult.

It’s okay to feel that you want it to be your special day.

Maybe you could let her know how you’ve been feeling, but prepare your words beforehand so that it comes across gently? Maybe the other bridesmaids could help you out with that, as they’ve also seen her behaviour and how it affects you.

Post # 5
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am not sure how close you are to this friend, but I would just start leaving her out of the decision making process altogether. It’s hard enough to plan a wedding without someone constantly whispering critical comments in your ear and making you feel insecure about everything you want for yourself. I am amazed you have kept your cool throughout all this – I am not sure I could have. One of my BMs was going on a similar trajectory, making herself out to be an expert because she had been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for one of her other friends before, and constantly saying stuff like ‘At my wedding, i would do this and this’ (she currently hasn’t got a BF) and ‘So and So did this and this’. We spent a weekend planning, and after that I was glad to go home and just have peace for a change. I don’t think I will be asking her to help out anymore now, and reckon that will be the healthiest for our friendship (which I value greatly).

Just stay true to yourself and let her know you have your own wedding all covered, that your style is what’s important here and that she can have another go at organising a wedding when it is her turn. This does not have to be done in one great dramatic scene, but could just be subtle like not telling her about impending appointments, gently steering the convo away from the wedding when you see each other (‘you know what, I am all wedding-planned-out, let’s talk about this and this instead’) or making excuses like ‘FI really wants to be involved/in charge of this’.

Post # 7
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Three words:  “Smile and nod”.  Every time this woman does something annoying, ask yourself, “Is this going to affect my wedding/marriage?”  If she wants to try on dresses, let her knock herself out!  Just don’t stop your own try-ons to give her feedback.  If she wants last extensions and is willing to pay for them, fine.  Lash etensions certainly won’t enable her to outshine you, the beautiful bride!

For anything that will affect your wedding, lean on your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Perhaphs she can “help” with the bachelorette planning to make sure that the party actually happens.  Also, she can definitely take the lead when it comes to dress choices!!  Perhaps you could have her choose a basic shape or color range based (ostensibly) on what will work best for everyone.  Then the maid you speak of can choose from within that range.

Good luck, and remember how good you will feel knowing that you had your special day AND were kind to someone dealing with her own issues.

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