Post # 1
ALRIGHT, before I get angry, I’m going to get a little sad. One of my friends apparently doesn’t believe me when I say that we’re getting engaged in Feb. She doesn’t believe me when I ask her when in August she can take off school because we’re getting MARRIED. She doesn’t believe me… fill in the blank. She has a “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude, she said so herself when I asked her if that’s how she felt, and that really, really hurts.
Sure, we’re doing things totally @$$ backwards, planning everything before we’re engaged. Whatever, I can see where that’s odd. But when the only thing keeping us from not being engaged is that he hasn’t talked to my mom and dad, who is 400 MILES AWAY… it just hurts. It just… hurts. And I can’t even cry about it because I’m at work. And I don’t know what to do. Because she’s been one of my friends since 2nd grade. She’s supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. And… she can’t even be happy? She has to be… disinterested and even skeptical.
Post # 3
She’s probably projecting her own issues onto you… it has more to say about her life experience than her as a friend.
And that’s me putting the best possible spin on it. 🙂
Post # 4
Sorry your friend is acting like that. That’s very rude. I wish people would say nothing if they can’t think of anything nice to say.
Post # 5
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, KM!
But if you want her to shut it, I’d go buy a cheapie ring from Walmart and text a pic to her, then ask all the questions you need from her. Haha. 🙂
Seriously, if it counts for anything I believe you will be engaged, and I understand–FI and I live a few hours away from my parents, so he had to sneak to my house to ask them and hurry home for dinner… what a drive! Plus we started planning first, anyways. It’s a good way to get a feel for what you like!
Post # 6
Won’t the “I told you so” be so fun!
Try not to be sad. I don’t think she meant it to be mean but she was being insensitive with your feelings.
The Walmart ring idea would be funny.
Post # 7
KMSull, I’m so sorry. Try to think of it as a problem of different definitions which is what I think it is. I mean, she’s being an idiot because she should know you well enough to know what is going on but still. See, to me and my definitions, you are engaged to your fiance but are planning a romantic thing where he asks for your hand after talking to your family. I’m someone who does not get ‘agreed upon’ proposals or expected proposals (I know I know I’m so in the minority). If a person doesn’t understand ‘expected proposals’ and someone tells them there has been no proposal than that person will think/assume that the FH has not yet made it clear whether or not he wants to marry his gf when frequently that’s not the case at all. In real life of course I’d call your status whatever you wanted ‘pre engagement’ and keep my opinions to myself but if I didn’t know some of the details and you told me you weren’t engaged I’d interpret it that you really weren’t engaged (by my definitions) as in you had not come to an agreement on getting married and so I might be sceptical too (though I would never be as rude as your friend). Not sure if that made sense or helped but I hope so. I really do suspect the issue is that by her definitions you’re engaged but you’re telling her you aren’t yet so she thinks you aren’t. *hugs*
Post # 8
Ditto Mr. Bee, do you think she’s just jealous that you are moving on to the next stage in your life? Remember I have a friend like this (we chatted about it the other night). Definitely don’t let it get you down, there’s always me to keep ya up and um in a few weeks he’s asking permission and in like less than 60 days this will be a distant memory because you’ll be getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 9
KM, Nick & I did everything backwards as well. We planned. We shopped for rings. We talked & talked about it for about 6 months before it happened. At times I was saddened because it felt like we were missing out on the surprise & romance you hear about– but the thing is that’s life! Not everything can be a fairytale romance. You have a move ahead of you & you are planning your future with him! You can’t just pull all of that off on a whim!
Seriously, she is being a little insensitive. It’s one thing to think that & another to say it.
I also will agree with Mr. Bee & try to put a positive spin on it 🙂 If you’ve been lifelong friends, perhaps she’s just protecting you & doesn’t want to feed into the hype until it happens? The Christmas after Nick and I went ring shopping my cousin text messaged me every day asking if it had happened. THAT just fueled my fire & got me annoyed that he hadn’t done it! lol 🙂
Post # 10
Argh, I have a friend who behaves almost exactly the same way. Just because R is still saving up for the ring, and wants to do a traditional proposal in addition to the one we already had in a moment together, my friend thinks it’s weird to plan. She always says, “but don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself?”
It’s frustrating, but I don’t think there’s much you can do except grit your teeth and smile.
Post # 11
It sounds like she is just jealous. Maybe let it cool down for a couple of days and then email her and let her know that she hurt you. If she doesn’t apologize, then maybe she’s just one of those people who has problems being happy for anyone else.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
you shouldn’t need to explain yourself – she should just be supporting you! i have a friend like this too, i’m sure we all do, and while it can be a pain, the remedy (though sadly) has been that i just don’t talk to her about this stuff – we just talk about all the other stuff going on
i honestly feel like this is where weddingbee really comes in – here is a community of virtual strangers who are excited for and with you! this is where you can come to talk about everything!! good luck with your planning and looking forward to hearing more 🙂
Post # 13
maybe shes slightly superstiscous (sp)? its like ladies that tell me that they are pregnant – if youre not 12 weeks then i do. not. want. to. know. about. it. so come back after the 1st trimester and then i will be thrilled and crazy to talk about it
or maybe shes a visual person that needs everything in order, ring, plans, wedding and once you have the ring she will kick into the right gear
hopefully you wont get too upset over this ((hugs))
Post # 14
I agree with those who have said it’s probably her issue more than anything to do with yours. It reminds me of the many sisters on “Say Yes to the Dress” that hate every single dress and resent every minute of the time at the store. Give her time and she may be ready to be happy for you. Sometimes we get too tangled up in our own heads to be happy for anyone else. I know after my late husband passed, I couldn’t muster happiness for anyone else. Thank goodness time heals.
Post # 15
Agree with above.
But also, we believe you! And we’re very excited 🙂
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
poor girl! I am sure she may not being trying to be insensitive….perhaps she is saying it so that incase it doesn’t happen she feels you willl be prepared. But, if it has been discussed endlessly and there is an agreement between you and your SO she should be supportive in your plans