(Closed) One of my good friends suddenly decided not to come at the last minute

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
11 posts
  • Wedding: December 2013

@saffy:  I definitely don’t think that you’re a bad person. Your feelings got hurt because it seems like your friend ditched you at the last minute – that’s completely normal! It seems as if he is letting an inconvenience stop him from attending your wedding, that is different than having something important come up like a family emergency or job situation. 

I know its hard, and you did the right thing by being honest with him. However, when the wedding craziness is over (and stress levels are down) maybe you guys can have a talk and not let one incident ruin the friendship. I know I’m human just like everyone else, and I can’t give perfect advice, but you should allow yourself to be upset and then move on and maybe try to reconnect when things calm down.

Post # 4
1795 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand being upset, you were looking forward to his presence, and it’s normal to be hurt when you’re disappointed.

However, from his perspective (and projecting some of my issues on him) I can understand how he may not feel comfortable needing to rely on a stranger for his transportation.  That would make me feel like I was a huge imposition and I might be tempted to (or actually) back out as well.

Post # 5
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Aww, that sucks.  If he was uncomfortable with any of the plans you guys made, he should have spoken up.  Who knows why he did this.  You might get the rest of the story after the wedding.  Sometimes people can be good friends but totally inconsiderate guests.  Seriously though, if he cared about your friendship it’s on him to suck it up and survive being exposed to strangers (your FI’s sister) for a bit.  Sorry hon 🙁

Post # 6
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

man that sucks.  it sucks more when the people who you felt are close to you decide to back out at the last minute especially when they rsvp’d for 6 seats and each seat cost you at least $250. 

if he didn’t want to rely on others for a a ride, then he should have considered renting a car.

Post # 7
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I read this because I just found out one of my bridesmaids can’t make it.  Her circumstances are a little different, but I understand you being upset & just wanted you to know you’re not alone!

I do understand his end, that he probably thinks you have so much going on that he doesn’t want to burden you, but it still stinks for you.  It means a lot to have the people who love you there and to know that they made an effort. I also think there are some people who don’t quite understand why it’s hard when someone cancels last minute like that. I see nothing wrong with you letting him know why you want him there so badly.   Good luck!

Post # 8
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Well, you have your answer – he’s not such a good pal anymore.

I’m sorry, but he had a few months to think about this (from what you seem to be saying in your original post).


Unless there’s more to this story (i.e., he thought he’d have the money to rent a car/get a cab and for some reason, things went bust and he didn’t), this is basic stuff that you think about when you know you need to travel somewhere. He should have brought it up months ago and bailed THEN. You do not bring it up the week of the wedding, then go, “Well, that’s not good enough.”

Who did he expect to cart him around? Did he think it would be you? If he needed a ride and would only accept one from certain people, he should have said, “Hey, can so-and-so drive me around while I’m there?”

It’s complete garbage that he just went and changed things without conferring with you again. Again, simple communication here: “Can someone else drive me? Do you know of any cheap cab companies?” I mean – how many places does the guy really need to go? How long was he really planning to stay in town?

Sounds to me like family wanted to visit, he didn’t want to make two trips, and just decided he had a convenient trip.

There’s being understanding…and then there’s being a doormat. The guy made missteps several times. Unless there’s more to this story, I don’t see much to lend him any slack. Many, many years of dealing with many, many people like this has taught me to be far less forgiving.

Post # 9
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh, I’m sorry, that’s really rude of him to back out that late. I don’t think you’re a bad person for being upset at all! I would probably have reacted exactly the same way.

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